Smooth Flight: The Bank Ate My ATM Card? They Can't Do That!

Let's go back in time, Cuckoo-Birds, to 1993. To the smiling TWA Captain, I said, "I did not know a plane could fly like that." [For those born after 1986, like "Rachel," in the "Pre-9/11 World," you could talk to the flight crew, and they'd just stand there like dolts, so you could]. Why did I sometimes stick my head practically over the yoke and not get it chopped off? Duh, I really, really, really, am Howard's grandson, and in the case of Trans World Airlines (TWA), I think they knew I sort of...used to OWN THE AIRLINE!!! Ask the U.S. Navy. Better yet, ask the Royal Navy. No, don't ask them, because I have something for them to...[REDACTED BY MI-6]

After reading what the rest of the worldwide rabble has to say on the "Worldwide Web," I feel energized, I feel radicalized, I'm like CLARK KENT headed for a phone booth.....no, I had SPRINT, they jacked my code in front of the Burbank, CA store when I was paying my bill, as all lawful phone users should, and I wouldn't know from social work in the ghetto, but the guy behind me leaning over to get the PIN...well...he just might have been a drug dealer. Then, when I looked outside, and saw a world famous spygirl looking a bit raggedy outside the store, I figured, "I might as well let the drug dealer have my PIN, so he can get his ass put in the jailhouse someday."

Does Palin have to do this stuff? How about Huckabee?

How about a California gubernatorial write-in campaign? Yeah, this NOVEMBER!You will be sorry you kicked me out of the PREMIER INN! Then again, who has not been kicked out of the Premier?

I need a job, man.

Thanks to Fariba Amini for getting close to that awful prison in the photo above. Mine is called "Cali-fornia." Given I am an "inmate," might as well run for Governor first. The "proven experience" thing, right Palin? Good Lord, a chimp could be governor of Alaska! Do "we" have anybody up there? Oh my God, a chimp IS the governor! What .gov federal agency can I complain to? Will they do anything about it? No!? What's wrong with that Negro? Who put him there? I DID NOT get to vote! First time I missed out since 1976. Aw, they were just sick of Bush. How old was McCain? 101? 102? I can't wait! You are not doing any RONNIE RAYGUNS on me, where some CIA whippersnapper is really in charge. Oh, that's right, I'd get rid of the CIA on day one.

It's the "Vision Thing."

These Guys Are Dead, I'm Not

Did Blackwater really cause Congress to pass a law to cover a "loophole" allowing for the private sector to kill A-rabs at will? Wow! Don't dare call me names, Senator!

glad I goofed [by hitting the "publish" button in error]...there's your preview. Time to get serious.

Yes, with no time to spare, I looked at the blogging of others who are not running for president, and I could see why. They'd never make it, but I might. Get real! Real fast!

Oh, those spooks! So quick! Always in a hurry they are! Was it not three years ago or so I said to myself and the buggie wuggies, "The spy! I know her well. The Soldier Boy; I've come to know him. The policeman! Oh, the policeman; do I ever know this guy!" But, how about that "Big Lawman?" I thought I did not know this critter. What? "Know thyself?" Oh, I see, I'm a Royal. Wowie Zowie, as the late, great Frank Zappa said more than once, I am the big lawman!!! Always wondered why my arms are so long. Baseball? Did you say baseball? I'm pissed! "The Journeyman Reliever" who never was. Want an outraged piece about the war(s)?

Sorry, it is almost time for "Computer Class," so you'll have to wait. And, that includes the Department of Justice I swear I'm going to fire. Every one of you pieces of s---, OUT THE DOOR. Yes, the nice Marine will inform you your passcode has been changed. Yeah,, you, Mr./Ms. Big Shot, you will be fired, pink-slipped, laid off, GONE.

No? I can't run, when the grade school nuns told me anybody could? Wanna make HUGHES SCREENPLAY #7 real? Don't blame me. I am merely "Just another homeless dude."

zzzzz

May I go retrieve one of these, instead of see things the "Jesus is coming down from the cloud" Christian nutcases likely think is real? I can't help if I know a lot of Jews, and Muslims never bother me. And, why is this a problem? May I make Fooled Again instead of Immaculate? I did the math around the time MEL GIBSON was showing you Jesus all bloody, because crucifixion is a nasty way to die. You see, Mel made money for his producers, and I can, too. Lots of it. Okay, ninny; how many Catholics? If one-tenth of them saw a movie of mine, do the math, and kindly shut the f--- up.

Hey girls, guys like to have a "babe magnet" item around the shanty, don't they? How about an Apollo era lunar rover out back? May I go get one? First, I must defecate indoors, thanks to the auspices of "ANDREA 2.0" and the CRPD. Is she in jail yet? Not yet?

May I work movies and aviation together? Somebody warned me in "code" this would happen close to the glittering propaganda mill Hollywood is. Pages and pages of "To Do" lists, and no way to do anything? What did her mom say? And yes, Mafia, the quote is going to be famous soon. "William, it's really hard when you're dealing with a bunch of nuts."

Indeed it is, yet I can fight back. Bash Hollywood for political gain? Not original, like your dumb movie and/or TV show. Tell all GOP grizzly mommas you can't top this classical "liberal" on that "pink elephant" stuff, because the "vision thing" calls for big banners that will say, "THE STATE OF MAFIA," featuring that darn CA bear on the OR, NV, AZ, & MEXICAN borders.

Hey, X-File kooks, that's me with the old SURE MICROPHONE, sleeves rolled up, and...the hair? It is not going anywhere, but as suggested by an astute 14 year-old in the run up to Kerry v. Bush, it might be tinted--just a little. How to get California's substantial ORANGE COUNTY MACHO SCRUBBIES + SAN FRANCISCO GAY/LESBIANS = MUCHO NUTSO bloc of electoral votes? Bash, bash, bash, because if, as "The Arnold" bragged in Time, these bicoastal, Left on the map, not very "pacific" loonies are "trend-setters," I, for one, do not want to go there, and girls, I'm no stick in the mud.

In fact, I'm so damn important, last evening (09.20.10) I looked skyward repeating, "Alright, what is it? What is it?" [CONTENT REDACTED BY SKINHEADED GUYS AS DEPICTED IN Enemy of the State] At home (The United Kingdom), when a citizen sees s--- like that, you can call the local policeman, and an RAF Major says, "Ho hum," but here, it is like a new, growing ever more popular "workout program" to jump up & down in unison and shout, "Hughes is crazy!" without so much as talking to me.

Hey Dodge Dolt, even the fearsome "T.O." policeman said it was a "privilege" to stop me on the street, not ask for I.D., not bother calling the "Great Cop Computer in the Sky," for alleged or slightly perceived malfeasance, like breathing, walking, talking, and failing to be hit by an oncoming German-made car (BLACK wrapper, of course). Rhythmic drumming & hollering through a CRPD Public Address rig I've dubbed "The Nazi Loudspeaker" all day on Sunday, September 19, 2010? While I was trying to take a nap? With a headache?

Thanks, Cuckoo-Birds, you've helped in the "Lemons to Lemonade" tradition, with the development of HUGHES SCREENPLAY #9. Drums! What's that line? "I came out to Hollywood, found out all they do is spy, but somehow, a bunch of lousy movies get made." Not that line! The one from #9! Film buffs, is anything original? No! But, let's go there. Poisoned air, no power, all com channels kaput, no water, and FEMA/Homeland forgot food? Jesus, they did! "Star Wars" satellites all fried, the International Space Station--gasp!--has a big hole in it, so get out the tin cans & string, and the line that goes with the "You're going deaf from DRUMMING in your stadium movie theatre seat after shelling-out ten bucks" line is....."Damn it, Winnie! It's your husband!"

BRIEF QUIZ:

Which of Mr. Hughes' favorite movies is he stealing from?

The answer, after I pee.

letters@time.com

Was someone actually complaining that I "borrowed" a bit of AMBIANCE NON-DAIRY COFFEE CREAMER for my NESCAFE TASTER'S CHOICE instant f---ing coffee, purchased on Food Stamps, when I'm that Hughes? Could I do Summers' old job adequately? Probably, but I'm not a Democrat anymore, and I'm not sucking-up in saying, "This here president Negro's gotta go!"

Watching The Price is Right religiously? Leering at pretty female secretaries in noontime CLAYTON, MO? Hitting up the Rabbi for cash with $60,000 liquid? Bothering his attorney's knockout "assistant," Rosemary? I should be so smart, because I'm speaking of the "other" H-man, you fools!

Dear Mr. Halperin:

Mark, in my social work profession, when you publish in a NASW journal, they want "key words." My cruel key words for SARAH PALIN, sir: "Idiot," Trailer Trash," "Gun Nut," "Ideological Know-Nothing," "Thug Lover," "Helpless Wolf Shooter," "Sex Saleslady," "Incoherent Babbler," "The Hideout Ping Queen," "Dangerous Bimbo," and "Potential Nasty Demagogue."

Done yet, Hughes? No, because I've been dispossessed and tortured, including a microwave energy zap that feels like your body is both on fire and exploding at the same time. Recommended treatment for microwave attack:

1. 600 mg of ibuprofen--FAST, or "STAT," if perchance you are a Las Roblas Nazi Nurse.

2. Get naked.

3. Hot shower.

Is the president nuts? In my humble opinion, yes.

Am I mentally disordered? Are you kidding? No way! When do I get my tee shirt? You know, the one that says, "PSY-OPPED SINCE 1974." And, I don't care what damn color it is.

Did TIME WARNER really pile old video monitors on the west side of 1385 E. Janss Road as a stunt? Yes, they did. Do I own BOEING? Yes, I do.

Why did I flap my wings like a chicken and exclaim, "I own that, too!" when I saw a photo of a modern Apache helicopter? That's between me and the Secret Service. I win? 2013? 2017? Ready, no "set?"

D: "911 dispatch."

H: "This is President Hughes. I've just fired the Secret Service. Could you send a couple of cars over? It's 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue."

D: "Yes, sir."

Or, this one is even better, given who brought you the moon landings on TV.

N: "Good morning, NASA."

H: "This is the president. Lock the doors."

It's the real one, Mark,

William C. Hughes

Thousand Oaks, CA

akoval@crpd.org

May I go home to the UK and tear up a pub? Good God, I don't even drink, but I'd like to! Got a problem with that? Hey putz, you talkin' to me?

On Saturday, September 4th, I arrived at the GOEBEL SENIOR ADULT CENTER to find there had been a verbal dispute in the Computer Lab involving B.D. and a man who has variously introduced himself as "Ken, "Nick," and "Kent." This man, Ken/Nick/Kent will not give me his last name, but has, per the report of others, accused me in sign language of being mentally disordered.He has also told me to "Shut up" in the Computer Lab, when it is not my intention to hold discussions there. However, if a lab user asks me a question, on how to use a computer, I will offer assistance. Often B.D. asks me how to spell words, and I respond.

Other than those scenarios, I would prefer to be silent in the Computer lab, although I understand it is not a library "Quiet Room." So, if other users wish to have discussions around me, I have no objection, as long as the content is not hostile, include sexual proclivities, drug use, etc. etc. etc.

As I mentioned not long ago, such discussion, while not necessarily offensive to me, needs to be conducted outside.I would be surprised if you felt the need to post "Rules of Conduct" in the lab, given we are generally 50 years of age or older, and the "target population for the Agency of Aging, I know from my extensive state bureaucrat experience, is 60+ years of age.

Do you suppose the Lab regulars could kindly stop behaving like grade school kids? I am there to e-mail, blog, and attempt to sell my intellectual property. That is all.

S---- My ----, Goebel Board!

I think I'm turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so. Stuck in the 1980's? There is hope for you (maybe). Do I get a Mitsubishi Eclipse out of this? No? How about a Galant, like my neighbor, "Dave the Cop?" What did Dave say upon departing 911 St. Rita Ave? "No more free police protection for you!"

Why did he say that? Oh, I did not finally catch a body-double aboard American Air.....doing what?!

Shhhhhhhhh! Hush up!

The Demise of Mafia(s)

You boys are in trouble now. River City has never looked uglier, as the "You Need to Update Your e-mail Account" and Bad Password messages just keep on comin.' Free speech? Who are you trying to kid? That moron Palin has another book coming out she did not write? Our drug dealing president would beat her if the election were held today with 55% of the vote? Bullfeathers! Bill Clinton's out on the stump defending that Boob-in-Chief? I'm tired of this crap; when does WATERGATE 2.0 begin? Excuse me, I have to pee, and I'm not ashamed to say it, because unlike NASA spies, I don't use diapers, but I once knew a USAF slut who did. $865,000 collected for hiking her skirt some more? What happened to the former Governor's troublesome $400,000 or so, FBI? (I promise to not use your precious badge anywhere, because when I first put up AbolishTheCIA.org, per usual, I did my homework. No prohibition on that rotten seal of "Terrorism Done Well & Often").

Who paid for all of the killing? Let's agree to not talk about it until I have a pack of bloodthirsty lawyers with I.Q.'s in excess of 150.

Mafia! Mafia! Every f---ing day, they just sit around and stare, plus the gays, religious kooks, misplaced Army/Navy football game rejects, and it just goes on, and on, and on...[SOUND: AIR HORN]. Get "spooked," Cuckoo-Birds and loser "Camp Followers," because after 55 years, 5 days, I CAUGHT A BODY-DOUBLE BUT GOOD. One..two...three...It's "coincidence," right?

WRONG! And this is so "tasty," "precious," "good".....damn! You low-down spies, terrorists, and common protection racket criminals can misuse any English language word you choose. It's like the whole HUGHES TOOL COMPANY & HUGHES AIRCRAFT COMPANY train robbery. YOU CAN'T GET OUT OF IT! Spies, spies, spies, who is "Holding the bag?" Sorry (but not), you picked the wrong black dude to be the first you-know-what. So in jail!!! No excuses!!! No lame alibis!!! MICROWAVES ARE MICROWAVES, and 600 mg of Motrin only helps so much. Out you go, Negro!!!!!

p.s. WGA minimum is up to $101, 936 if the budget is over 5 million? Where did I say I was going? Gov. Sarah, may I issue a "retraction" through that lying, mind controlling, POL SCI bum spin jackass MARK HALPERIN at Time? What's his address? letters@time.com, is it not, girls?