Hey "Stu The Jew," It's Hughes on Line One

I thought a "below the line" Mobby Man had spoken the final word yesterday with some blabber about one-third of something or other, and by the way, was that the lovely JULIA ROBERTS' husband? It stung so bad, I was thinking about pitching a $1,000,000 budget for Cabin Boy II at LETTERMAN/ELLIOT/MULLIGAN, and then we'd all be in jail for sure, with charges and a utility infielder to be named later.

Perhaps the RKO phase will have to come after four years of detention in the White House, but don't make unfounded accusations if I close the circle with RMN by quitting early, after they carry me around on their shoulders in Riyadh and the Chinese fork-over some cash for selling my book that was "banned in the U.S."

Did they all go "Cuckoo-Bird" over the fact my 100% fictional RITA RATTINGER character "dies" and then comes back to make you idiots some more money? What the hell is wrong with Thousand Oaks/Westlake Village? The situation must be improving, because now I can tell stories of seeing MICHELLE PFEIFFER in the CVS and not be presumed to be "nuts." Where can I find DEDEE PFEIFFER, and why are there no photos on the Soldier Boy's Internet of LORI PFEIFFER? Never mind.

Did I just tell someone who charges a lot of money for her concerts she looks every bit as good as her headshot? Is this progress? If I go to Simi Valley to drink coffee and smoke cigs with the schizophrenic Swedish girl, will we be accosted? Arrested? Is this part of the U.S. out here? People don't seem to know who is running for governor, which concerns Mr. Hughes, because Arnold, as I told Mr. Bush all through 2007-08, YOU AIN'T STAYING, even with some sort of e-mergency. Does Arnold get into chopping the brush, too?

Have a nice weekend.

Just in from FOX News:

"Thank you for your kind request. Unfortunately, Mr. Gore's schedule is extremely overbooked and we're unable to offer any availability. It's very difficult to decline invitations such as yours, but it's an unfortunate inevitability of the growing influence of the climate crisis message and the demand on Mr. Gore's time. We do apologize, but thanks for your interest."

What was the family saying on this? I believe it was, "When you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas."


Navy ESP: Hughes, You Missed the Hook, Full Speed Ahead

Can't see it? It's the "Vision Thing" H.W. Bush admitted he did not have. Aw crap, the charges have just gone FFFFPHHHTHUNK and my canopy is floating nearby. Oops, my F-16 is taking on water, and I'm hollering, "You big scurvy jackasses! Why did you do this to me!?" I inflate my little rubber raft, and realize that the aircraft carrier is getting smaller on the horizon. Whew! At least the radio works. "Alright you jerks, what are you trying to pull?" No answer. They must be on KP Duty, whatever that is.

America, I don't know what it, or all of this fuss over me is, but I peeled potatoes with my long-suffering Navy grandma, who told me from her hospital bed in North St. Louis she was going to die, and she died. Daddy-o told me about it in the white Chevrolet Impala as we traveled through a German neighborhood.

And, it is also 100% true yet another family member told me he would die in the new version of the same hospital where The Exorcist bit wasn't just a scary movie. My life is not a movie, and I am running for the office of President of the United States. Notice how I tend to say and write "USA" instead of "America." Do you people on cocaine and methamphetamine even know the correct name of the nation-state in which you reside?

Are you angry at the Kenyan over a supposed bad attitude? I'll smash you from the left. I'll smash you from the right. And what did Jesus Christ himself say about the Middle American lukewarm? I'll spit them out, too, because if you are so hypnotized by electronic devices and cuckoo cults you have no opinion, I sure don't need you on my bandwagon.

Do babbling bobblehead cable news droids even remember the "Mission Accomplished" stunt where GEORGE W. BUSH did not fly the plane, but didn't he look good in the flight suit? Excuse me, I gotta go. There's the bow of the aircraft carrier, and what jokers they are, because the MI (mentally ill) intel types always knew the Hughes boy could hit the hook, so of course, they would "temporarily" disable the hook and--SPLASH--now a 20 million dollar boy toy swims with the fishies, but not me.

Can I have some capital? Oh, that's right. Federal Election Commission rules require your name, address, and occupation if you give me over $50, so in Thousand Oaks/Westlake Village, where the Maf-IA lives in their cell phones and/or post office boxes, I will continue to urge you to "Have a nice day," and await my next five or twenty dollar bill, because the phrase "I know where you live" has far greater significance here than in Missouri.


Dear Diary, I Didn't Do It

An icy Challenger awaits a big BOOM. Why did I call in sick to Cornell University, turn on the television (when I've not watched "The Box" regularly since the 1960's), and see it? Am I the real AGENT MULDER? Will you please get a job, get a life, etc. etc. etc.?

From Mr. Hughes' handwritten diary, and by the way, a suspected German terrorist stole some of them, if anybody cares:

12:41 p.m.

I have just danced around the CARL'S JR. performing air guitar to BON JOVI'S You Give Love a Bad Name. I told all assembled Maf-IA they must know their 1980's Mafia Bands. Tell JON BON JOVI I do not hold this against him, because how was a talented rock 'n roller to break-in the music business in the mid-1980's without succumbing to the "Black Hats?"

A nation awash in cocaine? Yes, it was, so the music changed from the YES--GENESIS progressive, college degree in hand type tunes to a rather metallic, in your face, we don't care, we'll rape your daughter in the sleazy Hollywood hotel gnashing & bashing. When it got too bad, it upset Democrat spousal unit TIPPER GORE. In retaliation, Bon Jovi substituted a common word for a curse word on Slippery When Wet. Why can't Hughes remember the word? [I'm a fan, boys]. PENSKE TRUCK LEASING seized my LP and CD of the aforementioned copyrighted and protected from piracy by the FBI sound recording.

CLUNK! What's wrong with this (early) presidential campaign picture?


Let's be Nixonian "perfectly clear": I did not do this, but was it real?

Let's review the Hughes Hollywood Questions:

1. Did it flop yet?
2. Is he/she dead yet?
3. Have we cast Rita yet?
4. Can I go home now?

BTW (by the way), no one is permitted to copy, disseminate, produce, or for God's sake sell any of my intellectual property after my death, if some fool kills my butt. This is the magic of Al Gore's Internet, and an "addendum" right here, right now, to the will I cannot file in Ventura County, California, but previously posted on "The Net," because I am a political prisoner here.

Disagree? Let's do it in the media, shall we?


And I'm Not Otis

Apparently, among Mr. Hughes' many national security related duties with nary a scrap of "classified information," or the mighty Soldier Boy's "MI" (Military Intelligence or Mental Illness--take your pick) we can include catching counterfeiters.

Therefore, Andy & Barney in Ventura can expect a call when I get around to it, and as for hilarious remarks heard on the spooky highway, not much could top the coffee emporium panic when two idiots ran out the door after one said to the other, "Oh my God, they really are Secret Service!" As I told some fellows in the LUTHERAN SS sham homeless program last year, "Run, don't walk, to Starbucks."


Attack, Attack

Hughes is ready for the rape kit to conveniently have H-man DNA in the wrong place, however the right place for me is the Eagleton Courthouse in Saint Louis, Missouri. How did the late Senator's medical records go astray? People, I've already sort of had the conversation with Senator McGovern, so why don't you shut-up and mind your own business while I prepare "fair and balanced" attack pieces on JOHN MCCAIN and and NANCY PELOSI--as soon as Soldier Boy allows me to put up the rest of the one on SARAH PALIN. Who's next after that? Another corrupt Democrat, silly.


Saudi King, or UK Wishbone Ash Turners?

They are all so cuckoo for their spyin' on the Left Coast, I don't need to recover my stolen cell phone to know maybe he will come and embarrass that useless crew in the District of Columbia. Don't worry; it was a mental patient who said, "Bill, you were raised right, so you do right." That means if I need a fellow royal to get me out of "T.O.," he will be politely asked to not skip over the guy who gave the thoroughly lackluster speech in 2004, while mine get messed-up by Army & Navy JAGS. Want a new Sgt. York to turn and point at the reviewing stand? Your gonna get it, buddy.

HACK, HACK, HACK goes the public computer. "Same old, same old" is what we called such foolishness in the old neighborhood...but wait, we did not have computers yet. Okay, who's going to confess? Out with it! Who heard me say, in about 1975, that computers would not really be useful to anyone until you could put one on your desk?

They hear every word, they respond to every word, they are the "Borg," and this ain't no Star Trek episode, right Paramount?

Scott Is Dead, Scott Is Not Dead

That lousy lush of a Soldier Boy ought to be kept off of AL GORE'S Internet, and maybe I am getting ahead of myself by writing Executive Orders in Starbucks way ahead of time, but as the Three Stooges said, while under contract to grandpa, "I know how, and how."

ATTENTION: Cheap-O Central Intelligence Agency Psychologists with no ethics code. First off, why didn't you jump ship with the rest of them in late 2004? Stayed, eh? Do you know they told me about the, "He thinks he's the president plan" (HTHTPP) in 1978? Don't dare dust it off, Cuckoo-Birds, and why don't you believe my slogan of, "They tell me everything"? Was that the same year I said, after reading Popular Mechanics in the laundromat, "That Space Shuttle's gonna be a piece of s---!" Was the Columbia "disaster" maybe like that pile of burning tires in Shanksville, PA on September 11, 2001? Navy flying around in the way and thereby delaying the launch is a big hint, boys & girls.

"TWO-PART" INTEL TRIVIA QUESTION: "Mr. Hughes, though having traveled outside of the United States only one time, refueled in two places. What are the geographic locations, and what do they have in common with NASA?

A1: Gander, Newfoundland and Shannon, Ireland.

A2: They are the "ditch points" for a Space Shuttle in distress.

Did I read a "phished" news report saying SCOTT MCCLELLAN had died? Yes, I did, and why was it on my computer? Why don't you lay off the China/Google thing, Hillary, and start worrying about cyber-terrorists and real terrorists in the USA?

You don't call them that anymore?

Good God, how about a little help out here in "Fruit & Nutland?"

P.S. Obama-Rama, speaking of McClellan's, don't dare try to arrest BILL MCCLELLAN for DWI.

That ain't gonna work.

Ask Mr. Bush About Cocaine

I was going to write an attack piece on former president GEORGE W. BUSH regarding cocaine, but since he did not manage to kill me extrajudicially over eight years in office under the thoroughly rotten 1947 system, why not think on the bright side and share another campaign commercial? My Clayton, Missouri ARMY JAG neighbor who helped torture in the Middle East liked the old ones, so now he's headed to jail. NAVY JAG in Concord, New Hampshire and his "law students?" Despicable. Did the soldiers and spy-sluts murder HOWARD ZINN because of his "alternative" historical views and the fact his first name is the same as my grandfather's?

"They" are indeed that crazy, and you want to try that crap again today, after the CHP went by last night and flashed an ORANGE light as they passed me, then that "tough room" of T.O. cops were pulling them over right in front of me for spy-cuckoo U-turns? No U-Turns in Agoura Hills or Westlake Village, and do you know before "they" wrecked my car, I did not sneak one in north of the Shell Station. Not once, jackass. Yes, U.K./U.S.A./Canada/Australia spyin' pact; I follow the law and get tortured, so allow me to liven-up a "Tea Party," and who knows where we're going, eighth-grade flunkie National Guardsman?

I was planning to flesh-out a "Military Comedy" screenplay where China attacks Normandy-style while the U.S. Soldier Boy is busy with his oil-related "pre-occupations," and the funnybones would involve pulling them all back home before the Jintao invasion hit the Left Coast. Every writer wants to put himself in a film, and for sure I'd be the cop with one line saying, "What am I supposed to do about that?...I'm heading to Reno for the weekend."

Oh Procter & Gamble, are you ready for sample packs of HUGHES 2012 Kleenex? [So, you spies are going to come in and "sniff" near homeless me in a public computer room after dozens of attempts on my life and no access to the U.S. justice system? Okay, Bush uses cocaine. He sells cocaine. He had sexcapades with spying coke whores, and I can prove it in a court of law. There, illegal spy-jackass, I wrote it, I stand by my statement, and if any attorney will ever represent me in the United States of America, the sheriff will be coming up the drive in CRAWFORD, TEXAS with a little court paperwork from WILLIAM CHARLES HUGHES, "The Aviator's" not-so-secret grandson, because I will not be victimized by a "Community Torture Program" any longer]. How about Luden's Wild Cherry cough drops? Free stuff--it's a winner, and this here commercial would be a backbreaker for all comers. Man, don't "they" hate it!

(And miraculously, I do not hate them, but as I've noted to some, I am not Jesus Christ, I am not Ghandi, I am no Deepak Chopra, and all of the big money people are going to have to admit I am perfectly capable of managing 2,939 oil wells, an aerospace company, or the whole federal government. Bush and Obama were/are princes? Let's discuss it, in the media, not in "secret" convocations).

Howard was supposed to be "obsessive," when if he ever behaved oddly, do you morons know he crashed planes three times, and by the way, who has the film of the movie stunt that went bad? I cannot figure out how he lived through that one. Hey Mafia, I'll smoke your leftover butt if you leave me enough tobacce, so whether it is a real Hollywood submission on sucky Microsoft Word because "they" cracked my Final Draft screenwriting disc, or the text below, it wil never format right with a whole lot of hackin' goin' on? Oh, I'm nuts? What has the topic been in the senior center computer room all week? HACKING! Witnesses; how nice for a change.



MR. HUGHES stands in the middle of an open field.

My enemies were so intent on destroying my political career before it got started, they accused me of everything.

Hughes SNAPS his fingers.

A dump truck full of two kilo bags of cocaine appears. Three male Hispanics are offloading the drugs.

See what I mean?

Hughes SNAPS his fingers.

The truck and men disappear.

Triangular-shaped UFO's stream over Hughes' head.
Flying saucers, flying triangles. Every kind of nutty rumor, because I reported seeing a UFO. Airline pilot? Ship captain? Third-shift police officer? I think you've seen one, right?

Hughes SNAPS his fingers. The UFO's disappear.

It got so bad...
Hughes looks over his shoulder.
A Close Encounters shaped UFO lands behind him.
They said I was running around with E.T.'s.

A ramp from the UFO lowers. Classic "John Mack style" extraterrestrials waddle down the ramp and up to Hughes.

(to the "E.T.'s)
How 'ya doin', little buddy?

Hughes SNAPS his fingers. The E.T.'s and UFO disappear.

Let's get real, shall we?

Hughes SNAPS his fingers.



Hughes looks at a CHINESE POLICE OFFICER, who is standing at a busy intersection.

Do you have Dunkin' Donuts here yet?

(in perfect English)
No, Mr. Hughes, not yet.

We need to get Dunkin' Donuts over here.

Hughes looks directly into the camera. He shrugs his shoulders.

Who needs airplanes?

INSERT GRAPHIC: "Hughes 2012"



Will The Real Cops Please Stand Up?

Bilderbergers, Doodleburgers, and Carl's Jr. $6.00 burgers? Fat & skinny, far left, far right, and the downright "far out," will love HUGHES v. FEDERAL RESERVE BANK, coming soon to a marble-halled "theatre" near you.

Did the skinheaded, African-American man on the bus really say it on Tuesday morning? Yes, he did. In speaking on his modern cell phone, he did say, "I'm with the real one." Yes sir, you were, and now we can ask, "How dumb are my enemies?"

They are so dumb, despite thousands of hours of research library research, 600 pages of paper titled Shame of the Sane, a long list of favorable blurbs, two "near-misses" on pre-9/11 book contracts, and just one FEINSTEIN-BLUM torpedo that kept me a dung-fed mushroom, "they" keep sending the Sheriff in a cop wrapper.

Why? America, do you know the "mental health authority" everywhere in the USA is not at the federal level (no way!), typically not at the state level, nor at the local level. Mental health detention is effected by counties and Sheriff's Deputies. This is why in Ventura County, California the sheriff's deputies ride in local cop cars, and now "we" have discovered they ride on cop motorcycles as well.

Why? The good news is, you cannot handcuff Hughes and put him on the back of the motorcycle, although my buddies at GETTY IMAGES would treasure that "shot." I think sending the motorcycle yesterday was someone's way of saying, "You are barking up the wrong old HH tree." In fact, after assessing for danger since the dogs were nipping at this schoolboy's heels in 1962, and doing it as a mental health advocate/clinician 1991-2010, I am a pretty good reader of "body language." How many Carson jokes started out with, "It's so bad/hot/cold.....?" It has gotten so bad in Austria-Hung...I mean, California, the last deputy dawg who did not even bother to call the "Great Cop Computer in the Sky," in my judgment was saying, to wit:

"Hughes, why don't you hurry-up, get your MO mitts on that big money, and get your butt out of town."

To divert briefly (screech...click, click...uh, Houston, Lockheed only gave me three engines, and are you copying that only one of the f---ing things is functioning at the moment?).....no, not that kind of diversion, spyin' jackasses. I'm going straight to Mars. Anyway, I wrote another letter that involves HH, meaning Hughes--Hilton. I am not worthy of what you are thinking, but this seems to throw a scare into them.

And, the truth is, if I ever get elected president, and Paris, France would be so kind as to keep bailing water on our sinking ship of state, as they have done previously in our relatively short history as a nation, plus Paris Hilton stopped by the White House, even once or twice, it would create such a diversion, I might actually get some work done.

Meantime, I keep comparing peace officer uniforms, and been thoroughly bedazzled by locals who say, "Oh sure, we've got fake cops." And, upon becoming envious of the apparent arousal of what I'm calling "The MO-MO Monster," stalkers and snitches are quite readily unmasked by local spoiled youth, who have told me point-blank, "Oh yeah, they're cops."

Really? Investigating what? Writing? Eating Orville Reddenbacker's popcorn? Using the USPS mailbox? Participating in that blogging sensation? Oh baby, now they are panicking for real, because guess what? One of my own companies took the bait and wrote back sounding clueless. And, there is more; are you all sitting down? Just like Howard, guess who did some "research" on HUGHES CHRISTENSEN products, and very quickly thought of an improvement on.....what?.....what? Great-grandpa's oil-drilling bit?


Nailin' Palin

Does anyone besides MI-6, Mossad, ISI, FSB, and the usual criminal suspects among the U.S. Intelligence Community read this blog and maybe wonder why a post said only “TEST?” By way of explanation, it is because I am supposedly not allowed to post a good old-fashioned (think EDMUND MUSKIE crying in the snow) attack piece on SARAH PALIN.

Last I checked, she's got a fancy airplane, she's got a bus, she's got a book, and “Sarah, the movie?” Shall I gag now, or later? Hughes is now warning the rodentia in Mountain View about “free speech” in the blogosphere and all of that, although “disappearing” blog pieces can be attributed to many hacking styles & origination.

Did you creeps know the 8th Circuit Court is the “Hometown Court,” the 4th District did a distinct “flip” after I was there, and who rang phones all day in D.C. until it got to you-know-who and he said, “Don't have him put JANE DOE, put her real (fake) name on there.” Was that the time the VH-60 came at me on the MOBIL gas station lot, and I thought, “Oh my God, he's going to kill me himself.” Don't get excited; it was just a duplicate of Marine One—kind of like all of the body doubles of me. Confucius say, “When filing lawsuits against spies, don't hang-out near Andrews.”

And, let's don't forget the 1st District, where “they” like me so much, they clear the building. Didn't some long-retired gray suit come in as I was given the business at the federal metal detectors, and didn't the guard say, “Hey, what are you doing here?” to which the old one replied, “I just had to see this.” Why, Mr. Hughes is so polite, he does not even look to see who is so interested. However, I could not help but notice there was no one else in the courthouse. Did that gum-chewing old-school with the visible earphone really get wise-ass with me on the way out? And, did I really say, “You're the kind of guy I need working for me” as I exited into the New Hampshire snow?

Yes, Governor Palin, these things really happened. And, when I see a new species of thug in town, you've given it up to the H-man, because those guys look like the AK variety. During the 2008 New Hampshire Primary, I joked to Mrs. Clinton in Big Brother's 30 House that she might lose due to “insufficient thugs.” America, I won't go there to get there, meaning the usual THUGBOY—DRUGBOY support team.

Talking in code.” I allege it all of the time, but truth is always told here, so I admit maybe I've got some of my own. Here's an example. As I was departing the temporary HUGHES FOR PRESIDENT Headquarters, I said to the homeless book epigraph—providing girl, “Elvis has left the building...it's a joke.” As she shut the door in my face, our spyin' lovely said, “I know,” and even that could be alleged “code.” How? Let's talk real “Able Danger,” shall we, Soldier Boy?

After returning from a Gilligan's Island four-hour tour with a 9/11 pilot hijacker, when the GM engine turned-off, I said, “[ ], I really love you, but nothing will ever come of it.” Future movie directors, get it right, because it was only a couple of tick-tocks before she said, “I know,” and a few ticks later, the next sound on the soundtrack should be both car doors opening simultaneously. I do not know what that is, but as my 100% fictional spy character RITA says, “It is what it is,” and I recommend you not mess with it, whoever you are.

We” shall now attempt to post at least the “blog in blue” section of my Palin piece, and wasn't it a government agency where e-mailing in blue became all the rage in '07? Have ya'll decided whether e-mail is an “official document” yet? Did those boys on the hill keep a local copy of my e-mail?

Good job!

I'm sure the indictment is coming down soon for my overdue library book that called the little convocation above the “Hughes Family of Missiles.” Can we get one out of old stock and point it at Alaska? Just a joke; a better idea, I believe, would be to sell the Eskimos, their casinos, and Palin's miscreant youthful relatives back to the Russians.

This would be contingent on the USA retaining oil & gas rights so China does not get it. In California, Hughes is becoming downright xenophobic, and that's not “normal.” So, Soldier Boy had better look up that x-word, and I hereby allege Alaskans—and I think most lower 48'ers would agree—are kind of like foreigners anyway, aren't they?

Who would buy back Alaska? A dumb Russian, perhaps, and it's not my fault I've caught a few.

Can we make a movie now?