The Rich & Rick Show

Today's musings are dedicated to two of my black bosses. No, they're not African-Americans, they are the kind of bosses who run Homeland terror events and try to get me "deleted" from this Earth. Don't get in my face to insist I quiet down, soldier, you've heard no yelling like that of a trillionaire who thinks like a British Labor Party guy but stands ready to harangue an NRA convention about how "they" really are going to take your guns away if you're not careful.

What does it mean when your president addresses schoolkids directly? Didn't you read the scary works of fiction in high school about the day when your kids turn snitch and get you abducted and killed? Those days are now, and don't blame Hughes. Try looking up RICH MCDANIEL, the guy who could not shoot straight in the CIA's old CTC (Center for Counterterrorism). He was my boss at Cornell University, and his two classic lines were:

1. "Bill, it's all a matter of perception."

--and--

2. "I can type fast, too."

Old Rich made the mistake of naming the Osama-chasing unit after his firstborn, then "lost" some of the 9/11 hijackers in Malaysia, when in fact the Malaysian spooks knew right where they were, and where they went in Thailand. No wonder I had to gobble my Big Mac fast and depart a DC area hotel after Malaysians warned me I'd be a "goner" if I stayed, but I swear I left no Special Sauce behind during my few minutes of hotel occupancy. ZOOM--there went the gov'ment plane over my head in the darkened parking lot, and say hey! There was the Mossad girl in black walking by with good tidings and a stern look. Does this stuff happen to you? Probably not.

And how about that RICK GOWDY, Oakie boy and liar extraordinaire who had the Kamikaze drivers after me on I-44 in Tulsa. CLICK...let's put in an 8-Track tape of Leon Russell singing "Goin' back to Tulsa one more time..." CLANK/CRUNCH. Wow! I can hear Mr. Rick's prison door shutting already.

Hey Nixon! No, not dearly departed Dick, the Governor of Missouri. Have you secured the Mental Health Coordinator files? You'd better, because my investigators are "going to town" with that material, so all can see my collection of "helpless pretty girl" cases, "spouse vs. spouse" cases, "I've got a weapon and won't come out" cases, "ghetto no-show/drug thug" cases, and of course, the "house full of guns" cases. Trying to get me killed, eh?

Well, America may take a liking to my People for the Real Deal party when they find it is true that Sherlock Hughes came within a whisker of busting-up the 9/11 attacks BEFOREHAND, and the documents to prove it are resting under the dome at 5400 Arsenal Street, St. Louis, MO 63139. Don't touch that dial! Or, those documents! No wonder my coworkers got rides back from lunch on firetrucks in 2002, and I'm sure Shirley the Secretary won't lie under oath. It's just too bad it took this dull boy another couple of years to solve the 9/11 crime. Islamic terrorists? Sorry, there's not that many Hamas or Hezbollah in Arizona and Florida, so why don't you ask the Director of National Intelligence what to call them? "Sociopathic killers" is my term. Yes, it's a big bipartisan Homeland barbecue, and you're all invited!