Tin Men

Let's talk crazy, like Californians. Mexicans and Central Americans who hoard aluminium foil are only half-right. A generous amount of foil on your head or in your hat can indeed prevent the present Hughes Regime from putting cockamamie dreams in your skull. I recommend a hefty rubber band for all anti-totalitarian Centurions, because the cabal I call the "Gravity Boys" can, and will, knock your tinfoil off your head from Earth orbit while you sleep.

In the corrupt depths of the mental health professions, they call this "thought insertion," may well label you as "schizophrenic," and give you medicine that might kill you, wreck your nervous system, or with the "new, improved" kind, merely give you diabetes. A class-action suit a day keeps cures away, or so it seems.

As for mind reading, I'm sorry to say my investigation of my own evil technology tells me this cannot be prevented with mere aluminium. William knows his plugs and jacks, so I do not doubt there is a way to stop space-based mind reading, but at the present time, I can't afford a trip to the electronics surplus stores I enjoyed patronizing in my well-spent youth.

ZZZZAP! No more mind reading from the Space Scow or International Spying Platform. Can I sell kits and make a fortune? Oh, that's right, I already have 5 or 6 trillion bucks, and who could ask for more? How am I sure I'm reading the mind reading right? Lots of reasons, and here's the "list."

1. In researching my first still unpublished book, Shame of the Sane, I read-up on brain imaging techniques that purported to be in search of a "cure" or at least better drug for Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder. I now realize these studies are crude, ineffective "cover" for a complete mapping of the human brain and the wireless conversion of the electrical impulses in the frontal lobes to recordable data. Would you like text or a computer voice saying what you're thinking? At Hughes companies, they've got it, and when the rightful owner gets it, namely me, the technology will be destroyed.

2. William knows power supplies--the old transformer-heavy kind, and the "Philadelphia Experiment" variety. Everything I've ever read on the electrical activity in the human brain stated the electrical impulses are weak. I submit, fair readers, maybe they are not, so the energy field put around your head from space by my toys does not need much power, it needs sensitivity. On the other hand, to insert bullcrap in your head, more power is required, and the tinfoil can create difficulties. To put it another way, the energy emitted by your brain goes through the foil and can be detected, whereas the energy my little gnomes want to insert to control you is insufficient if you take the risk of being thought of as "nuts" for sleeping with a foil-lined helmet on. Maybe cartoonist Gary Trudeau knows things, given he's drawn an interesting character for decades who is depicted wearing a football helmet.

3. How can I possibly think something again and again, share it with no one, then hear people yapping about it in the loonyland of California? Too many times, pilgrims,. It's happened too many times.

4. How about that T.O. Transit? I think something, and the passengers react to it. How can they do that? One word: ROSWELL, plus 62 years of Bell Labs style research in the dark. When did all of you California cuckoo birds know all about Vandenberg? Oh, maybe by the time of the Bush 41 "Great Psy-Op of 1989" directed at me. I beat 'ya, Pappy Bush, but "they" still made me a "secret shopper" at Malcolm's place. Now it's time for my investigators and lawyers to review all of the records and put people in prison.

Do you know fiber optic capacity is like any other commodity? Seems the Clinton Administration and Big Telecom were so excited about it they overbuilt, so we've got plenty of bandwidth and no content worth a bucket of tepid spit. Maybe ET's have a better interstellar entertainment industry, because nobody invented fiber optic cable in 1947, my grandpa stole it, and no bug-eyed, gray-green little critter has shown up to litigate it, so on with the show, like a press conference to inform the world where all of your itty bitty devices came from, or am I supposed to put a fish on my car and forget about it?

No gonna happen, and by the way, how much does Time Warner cost?