Ask Mr. Bush About Cocaine

I was going to write an attack piece on former president GEORGE W. BUSH regarding cocaine, but since he did not manage to kill me extrajudicially over eight years in office under the thoroughly rotten 1947 system, why not think on the bright side and share another campaign commercial? My Clayton, Missouri ARMY JAG neighbor who helped torture in the Middle East liked the old ones, so now he's headed to jail. NAVY JAG in Concord, New Hampshire and his "law students?" Despicable. Did the soldiers and spy-sluts murder HOWARD ZINN because of his "alternative" historical views and the fact his first name is the same as my grandfather's?

"They" are indeed that crazy, and you want to try that crap again today, after the CHP went by last night and flashed an ORANGE light as they passed me, then that "tough room" of T.O. cops were pulling them over right in front of me for spy-cuckoo U-turns? No U-Turns in Agoura Hills or Westlake Village, and do you know before "they" wrecked my car, I did not sneak one in north of the Shell Station. Not once, jackass. Yes, U.K./U.S.A./Canada/Australia spyin' pact; I follow the law and get tortured, so allow me to liven-up a "Tea Party," and who knows where we're going, eighth-grade flunkie National Guardsman?

I was planning to flesh-out a "Military Comedy" screenplay where China attacks Normandy-style while the U.S. Soldier Boy is busy with his oil-related "pre-occupations," and the funnybones would involve pulling them all back home before the Jintao invasion hit the Left Coast. Every writer wants to put himself in a film, and for sure I'd be the cop with one line saying, "What am I supposed to do about that?...I'm heading to Reno for the weekend."

Oh Procter & Gamble, are you ready for sample packs of HUGHES 2012 Kleenex? [So, you spies are going to come in and "sniff" near homeless me in a public computer room after dozens of attempts on my life and no access to the U.S. justice system? Okay, Bush uses cocaine. He sells cocaine. He had sexcapades with spying coke whores, and I can prove it in a court of law. There, illegal spy-jackass, I wrote it, I stand by my statement, and if any attorney will ever represent me in the United States of America, the sheriff will be coming up the drive in CRAWFORD, TEXAS with a little court paperwork from WILLIAM CHARLES HUGHES, "The Aviator's" not-so-secret grandson, because I will not be victimized by a "Community Torture Program" any longer]. How about Luden's Wild Cherry cough drops? Free stuff--it's a winner, and this here commercial would be a backbreaker for all comers. Man, don't "they" hate it!

(And miraculously, I do not hate them, but as I've noted to some, I am not Jesus Christ, I am not Ghandi, I am no Deepak Chopra, and all of the big money people are going to have to admit I am perfectly capable of managing 2,939 oil wells, an aerospace company, or the whole federal government. Bush and Obama were/are princes? Let's discuss it, in the media, not in "secret" convocations).

Howard was supposed to be "obsessive," when if he ever behaved oddly, do you morons know he crashed planes three times, and by the way, who has the film of the movie stunt that went bad? I cannot figure out how he lived through that one. Hey Mafia, I'll smoke your leftover butt if you leave me enough tobacce, so whether it is a real Hollywood submission on sucky Microsoft Word because "they" cracked my Final Draft screenwriting disc, or the text below, it wil never format right with a whole lot of hackin' goin' on? Oh, I'm nuts? What has the topic been in the senior center computer room all week? HACKING! Witnesses; how nice for a change.

FADE IN:

EXT. WOODED FIELD - DAY

MR. HUGHES stands in the middle of an open field.

HUGHES
My enemies were so intent on destroying my political career before it got started, they accused me of everything.

Hughes SNAPS his fingers.

A dump truck full of two kilo bags of cocaine appears. Three male Hispanics are offloading the drugs.

HUGHES
See what I mean?

Hughes SNAPS his fingers.

The truck and men disappear.

Triangular-shaped UFO's stream over Hughes' head.

HUGHES
Flying saucers, flying triangles. Every kind of nutty rumor, because I reported seeing a UFO. Airline pilot? Ship captain? Third-shift police officer? I think you've seen one, right?

Hughes SNAPS his fingers. The UFO's disappear.

HUGHES
It got so bad...

Hughes looks over his shoulder.

A Close Encounters shaped UFO lands behind him.

HUGHES
They said I was running around with E.T.'s.

A ramp from the UFO lowers. Classic "John Mack style" extraterrestrials waddle down the ramp and up to Hughes.

HUGHES
(to the "E.T.'s)
How 'ya doin', little buddy?

Hughes SNAPS his fingers. The E.T.'s and UFO disappear.

HUGHES
Let's get real, shall we?

Hughes SNAPS his fingers.

CUT TO:

EXT. BEIJING STREETCORRNER - DAY

Hughes looks at a CHINESE POLICE OFFICER, who is standing at a busy intersection.

HUGHES
Do you have Dunkin' Donuts here yet?

POLICE OFFICER
(in perfect English)
No, Mr. Hughes, not yet.

HUGHES
We need to get Dunkin' Donuts over here.

Hughes looks directly into the camera. He shrugs his shoulders.

HUGHES
Who needs airplanes?

CUT TO:

INSERT GRAPHIC: "Hughes 2012"

END