Dear Diary, I Didn't Do It

An icy Challenger awaits a big BOOM. Why did I call in sick to Cornell University, turn on the television (when I've not watched "The Box" regularly since the 1960's), and see it? Am I the real AGENT MULDER? Will you please get a job, get a life, etc. etc. etc.?

From Mr. Hughes' handwritten diary, and by the way, a suspected German terrorist stole some of them, if anybody cares:

12:41 p.m.

I have just danced around the CARL'S JR. performing air guitar to BON JOVI'S You Give Love a Bad Name. I told all assembled Maf-IA they must know their 1980's Mafia Bands. Tell JON BON JOVI I do not hold this against him, because how was a talented rock 'n roller to break-in the music business in the mid-1980's without succumbing to the "Black Hats?"

A nation awash in cocaine? Yes, it was, so the music changed from the YES--GENESIS progressive, college degree in hand type tunes to a rather metallic, in your face, we don't care, we'll rape your daughter in the sleazy Hollywood hotel gnashing & bashing. When it got too bad, it upset Democrat spousal unit TIPPER GORE. In retaliation, Bon Jovi substituted a common word for a curse word on Slippery When Wet. Why can't Hughes remember the word? [I'm a fan, boys]. PENSKE TRUCK LEASING seized my LP and CD of the aforementioned copyrighted and protected from piracy by the FBI sound recording.

CLUNK! What's wrong with this (early) presidential campaign picture?

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