Green Over Rotten

It's an American tradition to denigrate the generation that follows, however, I will reverse the festivities and here call Tom Brokaw's "Greatest Generation" the "Rottenest Generation." FDR kept us out of the war as long as he could, and lots of dead Russians later, you had to go, Kilroy, then in the aftermath you created a United Nations that just like Hollywood, politicians of a cuckoo right-wing bent have used as a device in stuffing their pockets with cash, and have generally told the rest of us how to behave.

The rotten rubber hits the road in the so-called "War on Drugs." Did you say speak-up in Mexico? Not unless you want your head appearing separate from your body in the town square. Guatemala? Don't ride your bike, because it's far easier to get shot dead over the content of your speech. What "bugs" Mr. Hughes about the USA? Many things, but perhaps most obvious is how this gov'mnet and Maf-IA gets all over you just as a consequence of idle speech. All dwellers in granite federal buildings don't like the fact I can prove the existence of "Death Squads" in the United States of America. Why so cocksure? They put me on one for blackmail purposes, then Soldier Boy made the talon-twit mistake of sending his spygirl right down the road from a MURDER to snitch on...? Terrorists? Drug dealers? White House gate-crashers? No, a bunch of Quakers advising high school students to "Just say no" when aggressive military recruiters come to call. How good are these spies? All criminals want to get caught, so the cliche goes, and it must be true, because why would she complain to me about the same Soldier Boy tactics in regard to a teenager very much in the sights of the "Defense Pentagon?"

Is this a spy movie? No, it's my life, but if you want a movie franchise line, I suppose it's, "My name is Hughes, and I catch spies." Dirty, dark, and 100% deniable has flourished in the "Post-9/11 World," and that's how they've played it since 1947. How then, can I see through their voodoo doo-doo like the spies are dressed in fluorescent orange or lime green? It's not training, kids, it's just GENES. Why are my arms so long, like Prince Charles? Don't ask me, but please do reference the "Long arm of the law" and other Dudley Doright expressions to explain my behavior.

As a brief aside, I've decided if I don't freeze to death in the California wild, and I can raise enough cash, I'd like the networks to color my states Lime Green. Now, as my fictional Rita character says, "Don't start." Please, DO NOT start thinking "lime" or "green" means anything other than I want my electoral conquests to stand out above your mundane red & blue elephant pies and donkey drivel. I lie in ditches homeless but can already see ME, VT, NH, MA, & NY lime green. Wanna rumble over the rest?

It's a bit early with no "White Papers" on Middle East policy, but I'm assembling a team of advisers by reading newspapers from Lebanon, Egypt, and Saudi Arabia. Seems the A-rab media can be counted on to tell me where a sensible-sounding Carnegie Mellon or Notre Dame man can be found when the Associated Press and Washington Post do not. NAMES--they are so important, and again, the old Watergate Spooks must be having more fun than at any time since the invention of automatic lawn sprinklers for their upper-middle class estates.

CHA-CHING! Thanks for putting out the six year-old article about MARK FELT, which told me I went to graduate school with a probable relative of a Watergate burglar. When she invited me to a party, I left early, because boys, wearing sunglasses indoors is a universal, "Exit, stage left" code for the Hughes boy. Did I almost get killed that night? William, you have now officially wandered off the intended topic of drug legalization. Let's skip the details, like 41.8 percent of young adults drinking heavily in Everlast AA training gear and say, "Thanks" for expanding the power of the Executive Branch so wildly, it IS the government now, and the other two branches are akin to little side rings at a circus. The only show that means anything anymore is the XXX-LARGE crime ring under the big top.

God provides, and so forget 100 days, look out for the first 10 days of any potential Hughes Administration. Why? Here is the flow-chart "GONE" list:

CIA
FBI
DNI
DEA
NASA
ARMY
NAVY
AIR FORCE

Want a good job if I end up president? I'd recommend the two-year program in Criminal Justice, because the world will not end with no FBI, nor will your pet be abducted and taken across state lines, but the state policeman will see his direct deposit double, and the big city policeman would have hopefully much more jingle as well. Oh, I can hear them now. "Mr. Hughes, Mr. Hughes, how can you say drugs aren't dangerous?" I didn't say that, you little twit journalist. I said, YOU CAN'T STOP PEOPLE FROM USING THEM, so here's the plan. I foresee a little enforcement wing within the FDA to go after two drugs only: Crack & PCP. Everything else, LEGAL. Why would you manufacture crack rocks if cocaine were legal? I don't know, but you'd have to be so stupid, you belong in jail. Next question?

And as for PCP, given I've prepared for Kung-fu fighting in the ER battling people high on it, again from personal experience, I can tell you it is a substance worthy of its illegality. Mr. Hughes, Mr. Hughes, what about meth? Son, don't ask me about meth, given the intel community dosed me repeatedly with the good kind, as in no backyard still involved, and I can tell you again with mucho "street cred" that it is, to coin another new phrase you will steal, "Stupid, but safe." Don't dare argue with me, because Eight O'Clock brand coffee beans don't keep you up for three to four days straight, then after many Z's, you wake-up refreshed, with no ill effects.

My fellow Americans, that was the "good stuff" from the CIA's labs, or Hughes Medical Institute. So, I say, why not water it down a bit, put it on the shelf at CVS & Rite Aid, and then, the speedfreak moonshiners of small-town America will have to get a job at Wal Mart, and big bad Obama is apparently going to force the shelf-stockers of China's GDP output to buy health insurance.

Damn! I knew I should have bought Express Scripts stock in the 1990's, but a "player" I wasn't. Now, we've been pre-bankrupted by Medicare Part D, and that was a BUSH deal. For the love of Pete, now there's moths fluttering out of the Treasury Department, and you won't let me turn a few states lime green, save the Social Security Trust Fund, and leap tall buildings in a single bound? You all know I have a thing for Sarah Palin, and I see she even had her toenails painted purple, but that is still not the primary color of money.

Cocaine comes from a plant. Marijuana is a plant. Tobacco is a plant. And, just about everyone who talks to me in California is a "plant," but that's okay, as it is your job to try and drive me nuts, yet there will be NO CRIMES & NO SPYIN', but I think I'll smoke a cig, because it's legal, and you can't do anything about it besides commit the tenth crime perpetrated against me in California by stealing them.

Are you ready to flash-forward to 2012? In New Hampshire, Gardner better stay put, because here is how it went in 2008:

HUGHES

I toured Iowa, and at first I was going to write a book on the caucuses.

GARDNER

But that's not an election, is it?

HUGHES

No sir, it's not.

And in 2012?

GARDNER

Congratulations, Hughes, you outpolled everyone at the Iowa Caucus.

HUGHES

Yes sir, I did, but it's not an election.