My Right-Wing Appeal

Does this blog go anywhere? Google, rig for legal action if it does not go 'round the world, and not in 80 days.

Grandma told me I'd be on KP Duty. Grandma told me I'd be put on bread & water. Grandma told me they'd stare at me like monkeys in the zoo. And, grandma told me both to be good and prepare for big things someday. Yes, grandma was sly; so much so, when I asked for her famous yellow cake, chocolate icing recipe, I think she took the operational version to the grave. I believe it was 1969, and I now wonder if "they" have phone tap audio of this.

"Grandma, it's not quite right. Too much baking powder, or not enough?"
"Too little shortening? It was a little dry"

It is true that I could not replicate grandma's cake, but just about 40 years to the day, I think I know what I did wrong. Have you California health nuts ever heard of LARD? I believe it is made from dead animals. Young William, already a bit health-conscious at age 14, substituted Crisco, another not terribly good for you substance, but at least it was vegetable oil in a solid form. Should have used lard, William, and the recipe? IT "DISAPPEARED!"

My liberalism, however, is not disappearing, but in my advanced age, I'm getting a bit cranky, and hence leaning toward Tory-land on some issues. Here they are:

IMMIGRATION
Are you all aware of the fact that even if I have trillions in Switzerland, they will not allow me to squat there and achieve a healthcare-positive status, or go on "the dole?" No ma'am, they will kick me out unless I have business there. How is it that USA's borders are as porous as ever with "Post-9/11" emphasis and a lot of neocon hollering about the problem? As usual, the problem is being attacked from the wrong angles. Bush and a pachyderm Congress wanted to build a wall like Israel, but the border isn't the problem. As a "free" and democratic nation, we should let them in, but why allow them to stay?

You're a "scientist," eh? Computer programmer? Landscaper? Okay, get a job, but do not think you are going to get General Relief, Food Stamps, and Medicaid, then ride around on a black bicycle day & night under a Hughes Administration. As I hoot to the Conejo Hills, "First you'll learn English, then I'll kick your ass out!"

Can Palin top that?

GUN RIGHTS
Michael Moore is an old shooter from way back, and card-carrying NRA member, but he thinks capitalism is kaput. Hughes barely knows which end of the gun shoots, but has been reminded many times when spooky operatives wave them in his face. Free enterprise? He's gotta have it, and please, leave the Starship Enterprise on the Paramount set. Hmmm. Did you know the Second Amendment is the only one still with a pulse among the first ten? Yipes! Where's my invitation to peel paint off the walls with my civil libertarian hot air at the next NRA convention?

WOMEN IN THE ARMED FORCES
Females in the fighter jet? Females on the front lines? Females aboard the aircraft carrier? And now, Navy Times informs me they are considering females on submarines? Here's the Hughesian skinny: Women should stick to spying in a declared war if they want to pitch-in. During presidential "small wars," please continue to fire Predator drones at the wrong guy, CIA girls, because Hughes is going to put your tush in jail.