Con Job Carter

May we begin to examine some rather dramatic "coincidences?" Here's just one:

FACT: In my first screenplay, The Rainbow Rebellion, begun in 1998, completed in 2002, there is a scene set in a "skunkworks," where several aircraft are floating around, thanks to anti-grav devices from a "reverse-engineered" UFO.

"COINCIDENCE": I have seen two real UFO's since migrating to wild & wooly California. The first I reported to three organizations that investigate such matters, and I posted the report on AbolishTheCIA.org. Since that time, every pedal-to-the-metal cuckoo I call an "E.T.-Chaser" has gone nuts. So did the official E.T.-Chasers at the USAF, because they ran to their radar, and they got on my own satellites, to make the same observation as I did in Kettleman City, CA--12,000 m.p.h. is pretty damn fast, isn't it? Now, if I ever make it to the White House to install what many Stereophile magazine readers call an audio "he man rig" in the Oval Office, along with my putt-putt green, there will be no more United States Air Force, and I just can't wait to call NASA and say the same thing they did after the Columbia burned up, that being, with a little post-electoral flourish, "This is the President. Lock the doors." And that, my friends, will be the end of our Nazis disguised as spacefarers non-space program. Investigating vaccines in space? Who do you think you are you kidding, Skylab debris brain?

As for the second sighting, it even caused concern in the pea brain of your supposed Ambassador Sarek and Democrat candidate for president, but remain calm, and if you think I'm writing a report up on that one, as I often tell all fair citizens of Thousand Oaks/Westlake, "You're all crazy, and I'm not!

Why all of the surveillance?

"Psy-opped" since 1974.

Residence "wired" since at least 1978.

Person "wired" since 1987.

Auto "bugged" since 1990.

Current "psy-op" length: Since late 2004.

Tortured since June, 2006.

Homeless since February, 2009.

Ready, Howard Dean? "It's Roswell, stupid!"

These are facts going to courts of law, and you, whoever you are, cannot stop it. William Charles Hughes is running for president in 2012, because it is just about the only thing the "they" of military thugs, mafia shooters, civilian spy-killers, and deefense industry rodents can't stop. Sorry, Maxwell Smart, I have worked very hard and been fired for no reason too often, gone out the door on layoff, had girlies manipulating my life, and now, my oil exploration company with 1,604 rigs has taken on a subsidiary called "B.J. SERVICES," and I shall leave the joke that is unquestionably there to Letterman, Leno, O’Brian, Fallon, Ferguson, et al. (Sorry fellows, no time to check the latest oil well count on e-mail, and no way to print anything with a perpetually broken Maf-IA Center printer. Screenplay? What screenplay? What are you talking about?)

Do you people know the following?

I knew there were always "narcs" next door, but that is not why I never sold drugs.

I heard the satellite "bounce" when spygirls were supposed to be in Texas, but were instead in some god-forsaken Central American place trying to blame OLLIE NORTH'S cocaine shipments on me.

I knew it was odd when a man in a room full of battle flags talked to me for way too long, and on the next visit asked, "What do you think of PRESIDENT CARTER?" For the record, I defended his change in nuclear warfighting strategy under withering attack from Dutch anarchists, French leftists, and Spanish virus-passers. Neutron Bomb? "Not a good idea, but we'll damn well stock 'em if we want 'em, and why don't you take a shower more often, sir?" I recall saying to the pre-EU Europeans. Did I almost die in the Spain where there's no rain? What's a little 105 fever to a Hughes? Just a delay in the sightseeing. Now, they've got the "Vampire Stake" out in Thousand Oaks, just like New Hampshire, but you know how I figure this? There's a lot more electoral votes out here, dummy! (No offense to NH). And, I may just have two Cheney's to your none.

Back to 1977, I oddly did not think it strange when I knocked on the door of ABBEY ROAD STUDIOS, a man answered, let me in, gave me a tour, and said, "There is the piano John Lennon played when the Beatles made their records." Was I that dumb? No, I was 21 years-old, and just thought they were being nice. When I later told my "black op" London host with the most I had determined: A) The famous album cover photo is not on Abbey Road; and B) That I had found the corner where they took the photo, he smiled and said, "That figures."

I get similar comments a lot, because I am the only grandson of HOWARD ROBARD HUGHES, JR., and all spies, foreign and domestic, can gyrate, use gang signs, belch, fart, tap the mouse with no mousepad in code, signal with old U.S. Navy spotlights, light off fireworks, or even empty AK-47's in the night, but as long as there is also someone to say, "William, they were breathing down my neck," and I have a fair idea of who "they" were/are, "we" can sit "it" out until a rapidly approaching doomsday.

Hillary, what does "it" mean? Among other things, it means when I name a State Department character "BURT" in a screenplay titled Ask Not, I get an alias of "Burt" at a local church in league with drug dealers. A guy I nicknamed "The Navy Bolshevik" said it well when he said, "You know, I've come to this place a few times to get help, but they always start talking about something else." This is an elegant way to say, once translated, "The Churchlady be worthless, and she's spyin' on you." We won't discuss the church-people's BERMUDA TRIANGLE today, or GEORGE W. BUSH'S great faith in "faith-based" fleecing, because these are issues to be addressed when law & order returns to the big version of Haiti, as in the USA. Who's helping who, I almost wonder, regarding earthquakes that are screeech.....you know where I'm going with this, don't you, Nazis? Negroes in New Orleans? Negroes in Haiti? What you got up there in geostationary orbit? Hughes just knows, like great-grandpa knew where the oil was.

First, can I obtain--by RMN hook or crook--an updated version of Final Draft® screenwriting software, because it is pouring rain, and I've been getting way too much sleep, so now, in addition to telling the International Association of Machinists I will pay their relocation expenses to the EU, if they desire to keep a job in the "global economy," I'd like to add the following lines to The Rainbow Rebellion, if I may:

AIRBASE GUARD: I am the Eggman.

PETE: What the fuck?

WENDY: Just go. Go!

Why did my own former spouse report spying on Mr. John Lennon in Central Park?

Why did I unknowingly buy dinner for the social worker who located "Killer Nerd" chump MARK DAVID CHAPMAN?

Why did someone have sexual intercourse with Mr. Lennon at a scandalously young age, and have the nerve to tell me about it?

Did Mr. Lennon die because BILL CASEY got cocky during the "Transition Period," or is PRESIDENT CARTER going to deny his apparent involvement? Gosh, and I thought STANSFIELD TURNER was a bit better than all that. Zapped with microwave energy during the "trans period" 2008-2009? You bet, so perhaps I should review those special White House vicinity protesting rules, or did the great liberal Obama rescind them? Hey Neil Young, a near-Southern man doesn't need you around, anyhow, but I did meet someone who said she rode down the canyon with you quite blasted, and I am the Hughes, so I believed her. Yes, your native land of Canada told me, with, in addition to the one who spoke the words, four rather official witnesses, "Now, don't go buying up Canada."

Did Dave's Top Ten List really say on CBS I was campaigning in the wrong country last time? I shall correct my error by 2012, because as an old client of mine who owns a business journal used to say, "They don't like me too much" up there, maybe because I'm not liberal enough. And speaking of Late Night, did Paul Schaffer really have a pile of paper on his keyboard the same size as my Gangster Nation manuscript, a photo of which I posted on Soldier Boy's Internet, then JULIA ROBERTS asked what he was reading? What does Ms. Roberts' husband really do for a living? Never mind. May I make a movie, too? Please?

You are not Hughes, you are JONES, or HERZOG, or CLINTON, or CARTER, and I am way fed up with this crap. How is the Negro in Chief's day going? My issues are keeping my socks and screenplays dry, and I am not talking any motherf---ing "spy code." Could someone/anyone who thinks there is a law worth enforcing besides the one I have not broken yet please arrest Carter in the front pew, then move on to the Bush 41 Gang? Thank you.

In the meantime, I shall try to not be provoked by .mil spooks and Mafia into a justifiable homicide someone will call something else. Is the spy-runnin' Sheriff in his own county jail yet? When do I get to sell-off Boeing commercial jetliners and get down to business, like being rich, arrogant, selfish, and saving the last F-15 for me? Just kidding, about the selfish & arrogant bit, but thought I'd ask a few questions, while I fail to go out on a date with LINDSEY LOHAN.