Job? How About Bob Hope 2.0?

I just can't take you warmongers, killer spooks, hitmen, drug thugs, defense industry buttinski's, cheap-o "confidential informants" (i.e. street snitches), impure Marriott guest gov'ment money-wasters, and assorted crooks seriously, so here is a new idea if I am so blacklisted I can't make any Bond's gotten way too boring and needs replacement "Rita Movies." This is cruel, because in a flash of inspiration, I figured it all out. "We" make HUGHES IT'S SO GOOD THE STUDIO CAN TITLE IT SCREENPLAY #8, II, Ask Not, and Walking the Cat all at the same time.

Then, the lucky actress who plays Rita will not age, "we" release them over time, make dazzling amounts of money, and if one wins a little statue, look for my back and the broad shoulders of my very expensive Harry Truman suit on Dish & DirecTV, as I walk out of the ceremony, and the cast had better follow. This will allow me to get them done pronto, then run for el presidente.

What if I get bored? Soldier Boy will never let me use his toys for II, so we can film it in Iraq, can we not? It's "stabilized," isn' t it? Is there a Iraqi Air Force yet? There ought to be--how the hell long have we been there? That's how I'll get the hardware on film, because Baghdad will give it up, whereas the Defense Pentagon won't.

Meantime, some rock bands, rappers, and Penthouse Girls could find their way to a C-130, and I can be a newfangled BOB HOPE, right? Don't look for Al Franken on this tour; he joined some type of Dirty Democrat Club. Mind readers, what would be my first line as I lean on the golf club?

"Hey, what are y'all still doing here?"