Not a Movie

It seems like a century or two ago I turned the computer monitor around at a mental health agency that does not have "mental" or "behavioral" in the legal name of their incorporated in the State of Illinois Senator (D-IL) spyin' outfit and said, "See...you just sign your name." What was on the screen? A scrawled "Ronald Reagan," as with his signature on an Executive Order. I think both spygirl and her Marine boyfriend got the message, didn't they?

No "MSW," "MHP," "LCSW," and damn, in Illinois there was another one I've forgotten they made me use before firing me. Why? I would not let the crackheads run the joint, but what did I know at the time about grown men selling crack from little one-speed bicycles? The good-looking whore strutting along as I left work? That one I understood, and I felt sorry for her. Offer money to go home? No, I'm not that dumb, intel community.

Mafia? U.S. Navy? No difference, and the Army v. Navy football game was always boring, was it not? Can they even find a sponsor these days? Is it still on TV? Annapolis & West Point? Too expensive! Air Force Academy? Don't you spooks hear me hollering I will melt down their Mormon angels and give away gold nuggets from them to the poor? Think I'm joking?

Why is the policeman non-verbal in California? Seems all my life the lawman knew things about me I did not, but a swarm of black & white's the "Day After" I got the "V" down told me maybe even they did not know about that part of the saga. Can't you see the ball sailing toward the light standard as in The Natural? I can, because I've got the "Vision Thing."

I guess you spies are not ready for a very big boat with half Union Jack and half Stars & Stripes bunting as I wave and say, "Apologies to my loyal subjects. I'm off to the New World to run for president." Got trouble? Yes, you do. Canada was willing to admit the HH piece, but liars & con artists they all are, right Watergate Spooks? "Try this on for size," as we said in the old neighborhood.

"Parliament shall not meet until such time as order is restored in North America."

- William V

Dial-Up Rules!

What do ROD BLAGOJEVICH, OPRAH WINFREY, TIGER WOODS, HAMID KARZAI, and WILLIAM HUGHES have in common? We've been nearly driven nuts by "alien" technology. "Alien?" Excellent movie, but what kind of a name is SIGOURNEY? The 04.10.10 issue of The Economist strikes again!

Could you please suspend the publication of periodicals that make sense, as with The Economist? Reading such literature gums-up my day, like the old DATSUN 1200 carburetor. How well I remember standing on the back porch in Maplewood, remarking on a DATSUN, FIAT, and VOLVO that were all the exact same color.

Dropped were my suspicions, just like a bum-rap warrant for driving the Fiat carriage too fast. Speaking of speed, it seems, per those pointy-heads at The Economist, that the USA's barristers have bellied-up to the bar, threatening to tie up our courts for many years over how bandwidth is managed by thieves charging a C-Note per month for phone, mind control screen (TV), and downloads of porno.

DIRECTV and HUGHES COMMUNICATIONS? No, I don't get a dime, but a senior citizen named "Louis" and I are awaiting pennies from heaven, and he said it, not me. Let's see; in civilized nations, the telecom giants are forced to sell their infrastructure to Internet provider geeks to ensure competition on access, speed, and more affordable prices. Oh my! No way will this fly in Mafia-land, because COMCAST wants to run your life, and long-time AT&T customer H-man fired them promptly after the primary in New Hampshire, when a McAfee program caught one of my clones logging-on as me in Florida.

VERIZON? Their faxes went out to kooks in Canada under an attractively priced "Get in Trouble Anywhere in North America Plan," back when the intelligence community allowed me to have a phone line, then Verizon thugs wearing hardhats chased me around Newbury Park, and... Hey kids! This is not a movie, though I'd like to make one, if you all don't mind.

How about From Kennebunkport to Culver City for a book title? Not salable? Are you crazy? I'm not, so make a "mental note," spies. Choose dial-up, because though it be slow, laws governing the phone line date back to the 1920's, when a different type of gangster prevailed. You wouldn't want the United States Gov'ment or some private spy outfit watching your computer, would you? Just a thought from Big Brother Bill--"William" to you Crown cuckoos and LA weenies.

UPS/Labor Party Brown

UPS got my SSN in 1972. No further questions? You may step down. Gordon Brown can't tie his tie in the same manner I don't know how to tie mine? Clever, those Brits.

"The Saint Louis Browns were a baseball team..." goes the old song lyric, and yes, they moved to Baltimore. In my screenplay, Ask Not, spygirl Rita reports to a spookrunner named "STU" in Baltimore, at STU'S CLOCK SHOP. Time travel? E.T.'s and flyin' triangles? Whoa, Nelly, or Cornell Haynes, as the case may be. Are you all on LSD? Homeless in California, sometimes I wish I were. Who's a "lunatic" around here? Not me.

"They" picked through every line of script, so now it is time for someone to actually buy one, right? No? How about the scene in II where CHIEF BROWN BEAR catches three spies who just crashed their classic airplane? And, when they steal the CIA Director's DASSAULT FALCON, guess what? I'm flying the stunt with it, unless "insurance regulations," prohibit it, then I might do it anyway, because the wealthy are "self-insured," last I checked.

Yes, it has been made Nixonian "perfectly clear" that if I am to ever make any movies, it's got to be with my money. Okay, where is it? Zurich? Singapore? Nassau? It is everywhere, and as we said in the old neighborhood, "Everybody and his brother" is spending it, but not me. Recession? No way! Not in Thousand Theives/Westlake Village of the Damned, California. Grab your pickax and go west, young man! There's plenty of Hughes gold to steal.

NOTE TO HOWARD'S GHOST:

Why, oh why did you put the aircraft company here? Frankly, I'd rather be in Texas, and that's a mouthful--of what, Crawford, I'd better not say.

Where's My Airline?

The inside of a Russian TU-154 looks a lot like the BOEING 727 that took me to Florida last time I flew on my own airline, but did not know it. The 154 even has three engines powered by avionics I call "Captain Nemo." Hmmm. The Polish president died, but I did not. What was the wind speed that caused me to think, "Nice little airport 'ya got here," because nobody was in there. Everybody else went to West Palm or Orlando that day, or perhaps we're so "special" the omnipotent "they" emptied out the airport. Like I can't get ATC audio & weather data? Just add money, and many are toast.

I saw that spy at the car rental counter, BTW, and knew what she was. Good god with a small or large "G!" What if I had figured all of this out in, say 1978? Carter is impeached, Reagan is never elected president, maybe H.W. gets in there by 1992, the Space Shuttle does not dump my garbage from Vandenberg, we have condos on Mars by now, and maybe we've found a new planet to go to when we inevitably wreck the environment of this one.

Oh, but "they" did not want that. SO IN JAIL!!! Who's helping Mr. President this weekend? ONION HORTON? It's a St. Louis joke, son.

Change? Guard? What Guard?

"You are under a microscope."

- Charles I, 1975

"Everyone is under a magnifying glass."

- Karen Mazurkiewicz, United States Postal Service, 2009

Agent Camel 99

"A master-crafted blend of only the finest hand-picked Sansun & Izmir Turkish tobaccos with a robust domestic tobacco blend creates Camel's distinctive flavor and world-class smoothness."

The South Park writers called it Team America: World Police, and I absolutely will not screen that one without my new ambulance company, American Medical Response (AMR) on standby, because among those who don't take spying too seriously, a Death Certificate from laughing too hard, and hence not breathing, is a real possibility.

Oh, the clues! The man with the uniform at the Canadian border really did say, "Now Mr. Hughes, don't go buying-up Canada." He really did, with four additional security men/witnesses, so do not start changing the story, Harper, you big jackass. "Buffalo" clues? We got 'em!

BUFFALO, NEW YORK

BUFFALO, MISSOURI

BUFFALO STREET (West)

BUFFALO SPRINGFIELD

BUFFALO BOB (guitarist)

BUFFALO BILL

BUFFALO WINGS (I cooked 'em)

THE ROCK BAND WITH "BUFFALO" IN THE NAME THAT STEREOPHILE MAG LOVES AND I HAVE TWO OF THEIR CD'S BUT SOMEONE SEIZED THEM AND I CAN'T LISTEN TO THEM AND I'M BEING TORTURED IN THE USA SO I CAN'T REMEMBER THE BAND'S NAME AND I THINK STEREOPHILE SANITIZED THEIR WEBSITE OF THE BAND NAME BECAUSE THEY KNEW I'D BE COMIN'

Genetically engineered food? Don't ask me, ask CARGILL. Charles lost money on stocks? Really? U.K. cosmetics scam? Shocking! Gene-splicing to make artificial skin? Outrageous! Losers they were, but how about R.J. REYNOLDS? Lose money on booze & cigs? Impossible! Especially when it looks, or should I say feels like CAMEL 99's are discounted and adulterated with something (ask MONSANTO, maybe) that makes you mighty ill when you try and put them down.

Camel non-filters? Where I come from, we called them "straights," but here in Kook-LA-land, the term is "shorts," as in a Hughes with the shorts, cash flow-wise, or perhaps longevity-wise, or so you think. In the 1970's, someone told me my Camels had chocolate in them. Bad (spy) joke? The joke is on you, soldier, because it was not spy copycat crap that found me smoking Camels with a guy who was apparently worthy of torching the Army Records Center. A, B, & C? All gone, but I was told long ago the "H" files survived, as do I, despite a pack of Camel 99's.

98.6

Though the sample size is small, a new HUGHES-ROPER-ABC-HARRIS POLL is in, and what do America's senior citizens think they are going to get out of OBAMA/HILLARYCARE 2.0?

"Nothing!" They cried.

Friskygate

Solved by Mr. Hughes on 09.02.04. Waiting on the tenth anniversary?

GULFSTREAM JET-CHASING LAWYER DISCLAIMER: "This is not an actual photo of Frisky, but rather is a cat similar in appearance, like the 1980's spittin' image of DON RUMSFELD during the era of handshakes with Saddam who came into my local Starbucks yesterday. Then, I was nearly ejected over a gift of a brand new featherbed that I ultimately tossed into the coffee cartel's dumpster to remove "psycho-manager" from my back. I won that round, as I was gifted anonymously with a Starbucks Card, which I dutifully registered today, after the savvy Barista had said, 'See 'ya tomorrow night'."

Several FUJI camera cards ago, I took a photo of that Southern Illinois feline FRISKY, a relative's favorite cat of many. Frisky was subsequently catnapped and "disappeared" without a trace, but we are not going to discuss who was the Senator (D-IL) at the time. "They killed Frisky!" I cried, and four years later, the case remains unsolved.

Since the commission of this PETA rage-worthy crime, my camera card has been hacked, the images were stolen many times, and my computer screen was broken by a .mil spook thug, but rest assured, given who I am, every spy agency on Earth has those pictures of Frisky. And, there must be justice! I demand Frisky be returned...or else!

"Mr. Geithner, who made an unscheduled trip to Beijing this week, said he would rather press America's case at its regular 'Strategic and Economic Dialog' with China in May and at the G20 summit in Canada in June."

- The Economist, 04.10.10

And what of Mr. Hughes at that time, Timmy? No more Food Stamps, and dropping weight fast, due to an OBAMA-ARNOLD AXIS. Thanks for the ride Toni, and when do we get going on Hughes v. Human Service Agency?

Like Mine?

"The first hung parliament in almost four decades would mean a new sort of politics for Britain...one thing is sure: bigger and bolder thoughts are needed."

- The Economist, 04.10.10

Dear Literary Agent

Would you like the incredible, unbelievable, or science fiction/fact version of my highly marketable story? Let's start with the non-functional "211" Social Service "Helpline" in California that brought out the worst of .mil spook thugs as the pay phone went BEEP, BEEP, BEEP. It finally worked, but only after the irate, about to be homeless (formerly) Licensed Clinical Social Worker (D-MO), (D-IL) who had done it all in the mental health systems of two states, dared to ask for the 211 Supervisor.

We agreed, given ass-biting, definitely not Baywatch set cold, that I could go sit in the Emergency Room of the local hospital. No, as it turned out, I could not, but 'po me was given blankets and sent out to the bus stop bench, by who? The African-American security guard, who like a valet, brought me a hot cup of coffee in the morning, and remarked that a modern day Nurse Ratched had complained of my first night homeless homeless presence.

The bus stop, the coffee, and his suggestion that I go to a fast food restaurant where "some of the guys hang-out" are all inside jokes not germane to the frightening economics and explosion of homelessness in the USA. I've been one of them for 16 months, and we should not discuss whether I am related to that other Hughes, who looked just like me climbing out of his Boeing race plane long ago. Sir, the whole state thinks I am, and big, long limousines both black & white in color seem to drive by my homeless shopping cart often, but as someone who is "in the know" said recently about the local Senior Center, "Nothing much changes around here."

I am WILLIAM CHARLES HUGHES, there really was a WILLIAM IV, the Prince of Wales is named "Charles," my sister is named "Mary Elizabeth," and the Grande-sized coffee at Starbucks is $1.85 in U.S. currency, if you get what I mean. I'm all about political and social change, I have two unpublished, but shall we say very leafed-through book manuscripts, seven complete screenplays, also rather dog-eared, but not optioned or sold, and if I may sound a little smug, the publisher rep's "This guy can write!" is now 25 years old, so pardon me if I say I need a g**damn advance to write about the egregious denial and inhumanity that fellow-travels with America's homeless.

Moreover, I am not anxious to, regardless of wealth or lost title, rejoin a society swirling around the toilet bowl rim, as is ours. In my old neighborhood, they would say, "Bill, now tell us what you really think" as sarcasm, so if you expect left-leaning or Tea Party blather, you are not going to get it. Just this evening, someone well-dressed inquired, "Do you sleep in the bushes?" Yes, I do, and it brings to mind one of my favorite internal expressions: "The truth--you all hate it!"

I think you [and all literary & Hollywood agents], are missing out on a lot of M-O-N-E-Y if you fail to write back and at least consider representing my work.

Dells From Hell

"Om...Om...Om...don't toss the CPU on the patio concrete...Om...Om...Om..."

KIT BOND (R-MO) surely knows there is a very long ribbon of concrete with not much ATC required. Where did my airline go? Not HUGHES AIRWEST, dummy, TWA. AMERICAN AIRLINES promised to stay, didn't they? "The Loo" should have been far more skilled at recognizing liars, but old Kit and SENATOR JIM TALENT, a Bush-hugging flavor of the month, bought than line, and many wasted taxpayer dollars later, American pulled-out, and I've recently discovered, changed their corporate colors (on the airplane, at least).

The "call to action?' Fat sportswriters complaining about narrow-body jets. This is the truth, and the truth is, there will be no DNA tests. None. Not with another me reportedly stalking Santa Barbara. However, I always look on the bright side, in this instance that homeless means no more hotel housekeeper stampedes to swipe DNA from the room.

Extra babies in Hollywood? Now I know why. An exact 19 year-old copy of the girl descended from "the one that got away?" A Star Trek shape-shifter? No, think DOLLY THE SHEEP, and please, do not say I'm nuts until we are in a courtroom with your butts seated as defendants. "RKO PICTURES, LLC?" Anybody got an old-school Webster's Dictionary? May I look up the word "threat," please?

Hmmmmm...Hey, there's LINDENWOOD COLLEGE...drat! No missiles...Hmmmmm...There's HARRAH'S...Damn! No missiles...Hmmmmm...There's BOEING...Damn! No missiles...Hmmmmm...There's UMSL...Rats!...No missiles...Hmmmmm...There's I-170...Fire trucks? Oh ye of little faith.

The HUGHES FAMILY OF MISSILES photograph? At least I know where that is. Did you say DNA Test? Oh no; instead, let's try this:

"Pilots are taught to use the flaps when they land, but I am convinced that a novice like yourself...should not under any circumstances use flaps for landing...So, although you will land a little faster without flaps, you will be much closer to the almost level (slightly nose-up) attitude you need when you touch the runway."

-- AVRAM GOLDSTEIN

Got Politics?

Nice job disappearing the Obama Blackberry quote. As I've said since January of 2009, he's irrelevant. Will it be "gone" from the Guardian? Maybe you are nuts, and need a legal guardian and conservator.


In my world, he was "Scrubby Bubble Blair," and he's now past tense, because the New York Times, papyrus edition, said he quit as Director of National Intelligence (DNI). BLAIR? The vice president's BLAIR MANSION is on a naval observatory grounds? I thought it was...never mind. Can you trust anything on the Internet?


The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs is a MULLEN? Mulling over what? Which uniform to wear? He's got a brown one; like the Army. He's got a blue one; like the Navy. And, my clothes are about to rot off my body.

No job? Get real! Oh, the shopping cart isn't exactly a babe magnet, but didn't I number the Corps, excuse me, "core" spygirls awhile back? Let's play, shall we?

#1 - Has no politics, right? Just spies; a lot.
#2 - Liberal? She wears the Union Label, anyway.
#3 - Lockheed = Nazis? Don't know, don't care.
#4 - Where did all of her glorious GOOGLE links go? Isn't this a good sign that they are all gone, or most of them? What do I know?
#5 - No comment, but the "Man on the Mountain" New Hampshire 25 cent piece appeared in what year?
#6 - Green? Did a guy from Iran just...never mind.
#7 - "Tell us something we didn't already know." What? You talkin' to me? Idiots! Did I mention I'm not a spy?
8# - Watch out for those horseshoes! They're heavy, and-KLUNK-ouch! Are you okay?
9# - "The bombing begins in ....." Hey! If Reagan said it, so can I.

Y'all made this much of a mess, and you got no politics? Did you know VOLTAIRE drank a lot of coffee too? At least #1 anticipated that. What the rest know, I do not want to know, but thanks for all of the attention. I feel so "special."

Oh, and leave it to People Magazine to give me a good side profile of you-know-who. She even spoke to me--the real one did. Yes, she really did, and it went like this:

P.D. "How are you doing today?"


K.W. "Fine, thank you."

"Classified information?" Are you nuts? I'm not, and this isn't the first time People Magazine has blown the lid off an investigation by "Inspector Hughes," with no Pink Panther sightings, but I did see a gray wolf the other night. Not a dog, ding-dong, so please, will you shut up? Silence! This was said at #5 in Belle Neighbors, and I'm not as dissimilar as you may think, soldier. One kid's got my nose, and the other does not? Didn't my expression, "The nose knows," get us all in the "same boat?" Some are wise, like the guy who many times said:

"Hughes, they're going to get us all killed."

Not yet America. Not yet.

Live, From Ralph's Cart #729, It's.....

"Hughes, return with that aircraft immediately. There are severe penalties for what you are doing."

CRACKLE, CRACKLE, "Uh, I think you're lying, and I'm not gonna make it to London alive. See 'ya later."

As With Many, I Need Two Jobs

There shall be no eating in the social room...oh my, that's a...DOWN, DOWN!!!

So many "buzz words," codewords, signature lines, phrases, jokes, product endorsements, and geography. The winner? It may be longtime homeless guy "Darrell," who said, as I brushed my lousy royal teeth at sunrise behind a public building:

"Just another homeless guy out here, eh?"

The "Name Game?" It goes back to 1760, and your "brilliant" plan is going to alter world history when you've been applying yourself to lies, thievery, dope dealing, and terrorism for all of a few years? Spying? You're ALL spying on the USA's West Coast, but maybe a 9-point something earthquake will put you out of your coke/meth/alcohol/pharmaceutical drug misery. Me? I gotta go...somehow.

As the 1985 bossman said, "I need a job, man." Yes, the $8.00 per hour burger flippers and $12.00 chair tossers know you need two jobs to get by in America these days, so I'm looking for a "deuce" as well. How could I know the smiling Asian USPS man was passing a clue when he said, in the Summer of 2008, "It's a job for life."

Need simplicity? The hair goes better with one of the jobs, so how about POTUS = hair up, William V = hair down? To paraphrase a famous line, "I've been busy, I've been made a 'bum,' and busy is better." I used to like the 1776 brand of patriotism, but let's face facts; the House of Commons will probably let me in the door, whereas the U.S. House of Representatives will not.

Audio of the riot should be available at:

http//news.bbc.co.uk/democracylive/hi/house_of_commons/newsid_8167000/8167404.stm

Like "Jet Pilot," Only Better

Got 250 million? Did somebody really pitch an idea to me as, "It's about the Amazon and shit?" That's a sure "green light" at H 2 O Films, if there ever is one. Yeah buddy, if JAMES CAMERON can blow that kind of wad on a film people claim is good, but Jimmy Stewart here will inevitably shake his head and say, "I'm so glad I waited on the dollar rental," something has got to give, and soon.

Where is my DVD player? Only the LAPD knows for sure. They don't? I'm getting a new passport, and there will be no need to pay more and "expedite" anything, when the "keyword," I predict, will be "extradite."

Liar's Club

I’ll preface with a positive, like why did I recognize a VP of IBM in a news photo? Staring blankly at Mr. Hughes—it’s not just for Hollywood types.

I used to subscribe to The Atlantic, all spookies surely know, so let’s review their liar's club of advertisers, with a few tart real life comments.

P. 1: LINCOLN – Did a Ford really say, “The power windows don’t work?” As long as the door locks do, when the H-man rides shotgun. Liars!

P. 2-3: CHEVRON – Did the $8.00 per hour Chevron automaton really say, “Where does your money come from?” Why, from selling cocaine, of course. How else do you think I’m running for president! Further, did a homeless guy from Beantown tell me the Kennedy clan owns Chevron? If so, we gave it to them. Liars!

P. 4: AMERICAN AIRLINES – One of those Brazilian jobs with a Hellfire? I drove I-495, honey, right by you-know-where. Liars!

P. 7: AMERITRADE – Open an account today! Liars!

P. 9: CARTIER: My DOLLAR TREE watch ($1.08 with CA tax), keeps perfect time. Liars!

P. 11: ROBERT MONDAVI: The most dangerous drug of all, and 100% legal. Liars!

P. 13: SPRINT: May I have my minutes back? Liars!

P. 15: THE BALVENE: Scotland? Bunch of losers. And…liars!

P. 17: SHELL: The “Answer Man?” Did I really dip the big stick for Shell? Liars!

P. 18: BBC EARTH: One word, and so “cathartic”: Liars!

P. 21: PFIZER: Free drugs? Liars!

P. 25: MERRIL LYNCH: Did the Dow & NASDAQ really free fall the week I was without Food Stamps? Americans? Retire? At the time of your death, maybe. You’re in debt, big-time, buddy. Liars!

P.29: GE: Let’s don’t talk about my fridge at 30 Centre Street, agreed? Liars!

P. 31: ALTRIA: High ideals from booze & cig peddlers? Liars!

P. 35: VANGUARD: $3? $18? Six times as much? Can I put these asses in jail? Liars!

P. 42: SIEMENS: If I see that truck again, I’m calling the new Sheriff. Liars!

P. 47: THOMPSON REUTERS: Free world? This one stings, patriots. Liars!

P. 49: CLEVELAND CLINIC: Hmmm…the girl from Cleveland was a quiet type. Liars!

P. 52: TOYOTA: Black Scions, eh? What might Truman & Hughes have in common? Liars!

P. 55: ATLANTIC GREEN INTELLIGENCE FORUM: September 16? Liars!

P. 61: BOSE: Quiet comfort? Among babbling spies and number kooks? May one sit next to you on a long flight. Liars!

P. 62: JULIAN CARDONA: Photo Credit, dead Mexican drug thug. Truth!

P. 69: SOCAR OIL FIELDS #3, BAKU, AZERBAIJAN, 2006. Where? When? Who?

e-mail to anybody

At 16:19:14, on 01/31/2000, the Captain of Alaska Air 261 said, "I think it's controllable, we ought to just try to land it. You think so?" Two minutes later, answering his own question, as I often do, he said, "Okay, let's head for LA." Five seconds later, three loud noises are heard on the "Black Box" recorder, prompting the First Officer, after approximately eleven minutes of trying to regain control of the aircraft, to say the black juju word: "Mayday."

As a screenwriter with nothing optioned and nothing sold after a mere 25 years of effort, it would be difficult to steal the line uttered by the captain at 16:17:58 of, "I'm test flying now" (with an MD-80 full of people). The always notable last words originated with our First Officer at 16:20:56. They were, "Ah, here we go," as with into the Pacific Ocean off Port Hueneme, California.

Did you know while residing at 30 CENTRE STREET in CONCORD, NEW HAMPSHIRE, it was PITCHFORK RECORDS that gave me a free calendar? In California, who holds the honor? That's the CITY OF PORT HUENEME. "Coincidence?" No, and neither was momma's fight in naming me "William" over "Charles." It is family legend someone wanted HH Sr./HH Jr. & CH Sr./CH Jr., and why all of the fuss? Try "William" as mom's clue to think outside the box about WILLIAM IV, and to borrow a favorite word from over at Russell's PREMIER INN, a "potential" WILLIAM V. Hey Beav, no wonder "they" discourage me from running for President of the United States--a lot. A whole lot, like designing an individualized "Assertive Community Torture Program." Oh, it's not new, and I'm not the only "target," so shut your trap, or debate this point on television.

I always wondered what all of those $5 bills from the uncles were about, plus a closet full of after shave and soap I finally tossed in January, 2001; something about cleaning up for a visit from a female Air Force brat, and have there not been enough of them in my life? Enough! Lousy .mil spies be gone! Nothing for you here, provocateur cuckoo-bird! Meantime, when I recover from the Stewart/Stuart punch in the gut, given the final chamber of this real-life Raiders of the Lost Arc tomb has been breached, maybe I will use, "Okay, let's kick rudder," and "Gimmie slats extended" when I get back to work, as I always do. After a Swiss Miss vacation, perhaps?

All of the spying, failed blackmail efforts, busted-up set up's, Mafia watchers, the many FISA "agents of a foreign power" I don't say so much as "Boo" to, asphyxiation attempts, druggings, hypnosis, "abduction teams" (all caught red-handed), spygirls exposed, thoroughly bugged & itty bitty camera-filled Big Brother Houses, (not a "reality show" you'd want), extremist cuckoos, free air shows, hacked computers, seized property, aliases (theirs, not mine), repeated visits from the USA underworld's iconic "hitman," gov'ment drones posing as UFO's, fake Star Trek sets, a false psych Dx or two, double-digit physical ailments I do not have, nutcases in the "Computer Lab" hacking this piece in real time, etc. etc. etc.

It all makes sense now.

1985: "The one that got away" fell in with the descendant of a baby floated down the river. Nutjobs, take note: These here rowdy colonies are my problem, not yours. And, per usual, you've all incriminated yourselves, because it's only a question of how many "greats" before grandpa's name. That's GEORGE III, to you, nimrod.

What a loser! What a f---ing mess!

Weekend Update

What was that number?
IV was a Whig? Don't need a wig--GOT HAIR.

Q: Did you ever struggle academically? Come close to flunking a class?
A: Yes. Algebra, Freshman year in high school. I got C's and D's.

Q: Did your high school have a mascot?
A: Not really, but we had a graphic of a little pirate guy with a sword. We were "The Rebels."

Q: Did you play sports?
A: No.

Q: Any academic honors?
A: No, I was a "B" student, but I took an ACC History class that counted toward college. Sister Margaret Ann woke me up for the story of the guy who drove his carriage too fast. I had a job at night.

Q: Any extracurricular activities?
A: Oh, lots of them. During Watergate, in 1972-73, I was pres[CRACKLE, CRACKLE]of my [ZZZZZ, CRACK, CRACK]

Q: What about college?
A: Again, I was the[POP, POP]of my student gover[CLANG, CLANG]

Q: Did you ever think about[BANG]

Ah, Houston, we have a problem.

William's Cable Access Ch. 5 Talk Show

Nothing like a gun display to exacerbate the malaise in "T.O." On Ralph's lot? And while Gina worked the diner all day? There's no end to the trouble in these westward colonies! Call the policeman? Surely you jest; the H-man has termed it the local constabulary's "studious indifference," and who can blame them when confronted with such manufactured drama?

As the big strong longhaired convenience store clerk said in New Hampshire Primaryland, the police, "Have other things to do."

"We've got a full board of calls, so let's go to the phones. Hello, you're talking to Mr. Hughes"

"Hughes, why is SHERYL CROW putting Cheerios in her shopping cart? What's that photo mean? Why not Wheaties, or Rice Crispies? I think she's a g [ ] low-down sk[ ] little sl[ ] [CLICK, CLICK] and I think she [CLICK, CLICK]

SOUND: DIAL TONE

Script Scrape

Need facts? Looks like our FAA & NTSB are the wrong places in USA. That Soldier Boy sure makes civilains such as myself have to be very persistent to get stuff like:

"Gotta get it over again...at least upside down we're flying."

CAPTAIN "TED"? FIRST OFFICER "BILL"? Free Port Hueneme calendar? Alaska? 2-6-1?


January 31? 2000? I saw Clinton & Gore arguing under the wing with Air Force One's engines running. Can I have some f###ing facts, please? Just a few.


I'm not happy, Mr. President. Thought I'd let you know.

Coffee Cartel

In the only event I've managed to resemble a drug policy roundtable, the local burnished youth exclaimed, "Starbucks is our drug!" Last I checked, caffeine is not on the DEA's schedule, and don't we all know the jailhouse was never on Mr. Hughes' schedule, especially with a charge of selling drugs attached. Oh, the stories I can and will tell, like the surveillance photographer neighbor who was "cleaned out," a car crashed into the living room as a bit of a "message," narcs staggering about dazed, because back in the day I tended to narc-out narcs, the drugs in the trash, the guns in the trash, and people who are multicolored and multicultural trash.

Selling illegal drugs. I don't do it, and I don't use them, but caffeine is often in my system, so I invite the following people to drop by the Starbucks at 605 E. Janss Road, and surely you already know what town Hollywood's Trojan Horse is parked in, don't you?

MARIE MONIQUE ROBIN, Author, The World According to Monsanto

GINA BIANCHINI, Andreesen Horowitz

MINNIE INGERSOL, Google Alternative Access Team

CHIP & DAN HEATH, Authors, Switch

PIERRE BONNAT & CELINE VIGNAL, Sensawaft

DARRELL ISSA, Congressman

ROUZBEH PIROUZ, Turquoise Partners

LARRY KOTLIKOFF, Boston University

JAMES WALSTON, American University of Rome

MT CARNEY, Mouse Marketeer

NANCY DUBUC, Lifetime/History Channels

SHOOTER JENNINGS, Executive Consultant

PIPER PERABO, Covert Affairs

Pandemic

SOCIAL WORK KEYWORDS
"Air Force Vet"
"Retired Pipefitter"
"New Hampshire"
"61"
"Blue Collar Guy"
"Took Care of Everyone"
"Volunteered"
"Bingo"
"Veterans Center"
"Coffee Shop"
"Meningitis"
"Popular Mechanics"
"Arizona"

May I run for president now? Not yet?

So in jail!

Great Presidential Moments

EISENHOWER: "Hughes? Never heard of him."

KENNEDY: "They're building those spacecraft in St. Louis. See if anybody there has any ideas about getting rid of that son of a bitch Castro."

JOHNSON: "I'm busy. Send Hubert to that Arch dedication."


NIXON: "I'll jump out of the limo, right in front of him. If he acts right, I'll shake his hand. If he doesn't, we can shoot him. You know, make up a story to go with it."

FORD: "Two women with guns? How are they getting away with that?"


CARTER: "He really doesn't know who he is? Ask him what he thinks of me."

REAGAN: Really Gorby? He does not know, and he's going out with your girl? We'd better work something out here, and don't tell Bush."

H.W. BUSH: Beef patty, broccoli, and he's watching Northern Exposure? go ahead, and we can always blame Obama."

CLINTON: "We're stopping in St. Louis? Who's giving me a haircut?'

G.W. BUSH: {censored}

OBAMA: "Where's the burnbag?"

14.3 In The Hole

From 03.29.10/Apparently, the censors didn't like this one. On 05.14.10, it's still not up? Ever have an e-mail stick in your box? Probably. Ever have the United States Air Force fly that thing pictured above over your head at night near Dayton, Ohio? Probably not. What was the "message," other than "Holy s***! What is that?" We'll talk later; gotta go.

“This week, some investors turned up their noses at three big U.S. Treasury offerings.”

-- Wall Street Journal, 03.26.10

“Congress is lifting the debt ceiling—the amount of cumulative debt the Treasury can carry—to 14.3 Trillion Dollars, roughly the size of the entire economy."

-- The Week, 02.19.10

“On August 3, Circello's parents persuaded him to surrender and drove him to Wright Patterson Air Force Base in Ohio. But when they reached the base, nobody knew what to do with him.....On Monday morning, he boarded a bus for Fort Still and made it as far as Lawton, Oklahoma, before deciding not to turn himself in.....There was a Veterans for Peace convention in St. Louis the next week—he thought he'd head there instead."

-- Melba Newsome, Details, December, 2007

The B-70 Valkyrie flew over my head at night in 2008 upon passing by Wright Patterson, and yes, we could use some “Law-ton,” in Oklahoma. A veterans interested in peace meeting? Where was that? Just like HH and the little house in Houston, for the purpose of endless miles of marble courthouse halls ahead, I need a St. Louis address. How about 911 ST. RITA AVENUE, 63105?
By the way, peace-seeking veterans, Circello was/is spying on you for the gov'ment. The “giveaway?” His Army Man buddies called his parents inquiring about a VISA Card, when he did not have one. Get the joke? This particular olive green agent provocateur is “Everywhere you/they want him to be.”

Secret Police, USA? Are you taking your medication?

Homeless Haberdashery

GERMAN SPY: "You are dirty! You smell bad, and your clothes are filthy! No one will take you seriously looking like that!"

HUGHES: "I do not smell bad, but my clothes are dirty. I've got some quarters. Wanna drive me to the laundromat?"

GERMAN SPY: "No."

NSA TIME WARP: "STARDATE December 14, 1989."

HUGHES: (on phone) "Germany reunited? This could be trouble in thirty, forty, or fifty years."

ESP? No, they're ahead of schedule, and the USA is flat broke. BTW, why was the SIEMENS truck out front today? Can they read minds?

Holler Louder, William

Thanks to DAVID ROWLEY of Chicago, Illinois for enlightening me, via The Atlantic, as it was the word "is," and not "it," over which Bill Clinton obsessed. As for the ANDREW SULLIVAN piece upon which Rowley commented, ROBIN STEWART of Austin, Texas got it right on "shock and awe" reframed as war crimes, writing, "I want to know what happened, who ordered it, and who did it, and I want the guilty punished. We have survived far greater crises."

Am I homeless because I may be able to answer those questions? Do you mean to tell me, spooky-style, RMN was the last skilled president, and HH showed him the door for lying his Quaker ass off, among other "high crimes and misdemeanors?"

As I often holler at #39, #41, #42, & #43: "So in jail!"