Dells From Hell

"Om...Om...Om...don't toss the CPU on the patio concrete...Om...Om...Om..."

KIT BOND (R-MO) surely knows there is a very long ribbon of concrete with not much ATC required. Where did my airline go? Not HUGHES AIRWEST, dummy, TWA. AMERICAN AIRLINES promised to stay, didn't they? "The Loo" should have been far more skilled at recognizing liars, but old Kit and SENATOR JIM TALENT, a Bush-hugging flavor of the month, bought than line, and many wasted taxpayer dollars later, American pulled-out, and I've recently discovered, changed their corporate colors (on the airplane, at least).

The "call to action?' Fat sportswriters complaining about narrow-body jets. This is the truth, and the truth is, there will be no DNA tests. None. Not with another me reportedly stalking Santa Barbara. However, I always look on the bright side, in this instance that homeless means no more hotel housekeeper stampedes to swipe DNA from the room.

Extra babies in Hollywood? Now I know why. An exact 19 year-old copy of the girl descended from "the one that got away?" A Star Trek shape-shifter? No, think DOLLY THE SHEEP, and please, do not say I'm nuts until we are in a courtroom with your butts seated as defendants. "RKO PICTURES, LLC?" Anybody got an old-school Webster's Dictionary? May I look up the word "threat," please?

Hmmmmm...Hey, there's LINDENWOOD COLLEGE...drat! No missiles...Hmmmmm...There's HARRAH'S...Damn! No missiles...Hmmmmm...There's BOEING...Damn! No missiles...Hmmmmm...There's UMSL...Rats!...No missiles...Hmmmmm...There's I-170...Fire trucks? Oh ye of little faith.

The HUGHES FAMILY OF MISSILES photograph? At least I know where that is. Did you say DNA Test? Oh no; instead, let's try this:

"Pilots are taught to use the flaps when they land, but I am convinced that a novice like yourself...should not under any circumstances use flaps for landing...So, although you will land a little faster without flaps, you will be much closer to the almost level (slightly nose-up) attitude you need when you touch the runway."

-- AVRAM GOLDSTEIN