Dial-Up Rules!

What do ROD BLAGOJEVICH, OPRAH WINFREY, TIGER WOODS, HAMID KARZAI, and WILLIAM HUGHES have in common? We've been nearly driven nuts by "alien" technology. "Alien?" Excellent movie, but what kind of a name is SIGOURNEY? The 04.10.10 issue of The Economist strikes again!

Could you please suspend the publication of periodicals that make sense, as with The Economist? Reading such literature gums-up my day, like the old DATSUN 1200 carburetor. How well I remember standing on the back porch in Maplewood, remarking on a DATSUN, FIAT, and VOLVO that were all the exact same color.

Dropped were my suspicions, just like a bum-rap warrant for driving the Fiat carriage too fast. Speaking of speed, it seems, per those pointy-heads at The Economist, that the USA's barristers have bellied-up to the bar, threatening to tie up our courts for many years over how bandwidth is managed by thieves charging a C-Note per month for phone, mind control screen (TV), and downloads of porno.

DIRECTV and HUGHES COMMUNICATIONS? No, I don't get a dime, but a senior citizen named "Louis" and I are awaiting pennies from heaven, and he said it, not me. Let's see; in civilized nations, the telecom giants are forced to sell their infrastructure to Internet provider geeks to ensure competition on access, speed, and more affordable prices. Oh my! No way will this fly in Mafia-land, because COMCAST wants to run your life, and long-time AT&T customer H-man fired them promptly after the primary in New Hampshire, when a McAfee program caught one of my clones logging-on as me in Florida.

VERIZON? Their faxes went out to kooks in Canada under an attractively priced "Get in Trouble Anywhere in North America Plan," back when the intelligence community allowed me to have a phone line, then Verizon thugs wearing hardhats chased me around Newbury Park, and... Hey kids! This is not a movie, though I'd like to make one, if you all don't mind.

How about From Kennebunkport to Culver City for a book title? Not salable? Are you crazy? I'm not, so make a "mental note," spies. Choose dial-up, because though it be slow, laws governing the phone line date back to the 1920's, when a different type of gangster prevailed. You wouldn't want the United States Gov'ment or some private spy outfit watching your computer, would you? Just a thought from Big Brother Bill--"William" to you Crown cuckoos and LA weenies.