"Jimmy": A Bad Name When It's Cold Outside

Can you believe it? A photo of me in the seized PENSKE truck that I often said was the best one of me. Where? At the end of a dock, just like my distinguished opponent in running for president. Embarrassing that the Watergate Spooks had to put it on the senior center "Free Table" twice for me to "get it." Sorry, I'm slow, because this is not a spy--this is the Royal Policeman. Hey Palin, will it be MSNBC or Fox where we debate whether your thugs took my stuff or not? The real policeman is on donut break, and I can' t blame him.



How could McDonald's keep the restaurant cold enough to cure quality sides of beef that will never be in a Double Cheeseburger, yet not be accused of losing their minds? Mr. Hughes has quite a traveling show, but no thermometer is included. So, feel free to put another designer virus in my coffee, because the free health clinic where they do have a thermometer needs to be busted for fraud, but unfortunately, the quicker route to action would be snitching to clinic patron JANE SEYMOUR, rather than calling the coke cops.



Slowly, William the Not So Fast is learning the California "justice system," where it is de rigeur to sell a street urchin a bike, then later snitch him out over a drug squabble. No doubt many have observed that Hughes will indeed consort with the Hitman's daughter, because:



A) She tells the truth;




B) The Hitman may be impressed with such bravado, and stay away;




C) The Hitman's daughter disclosed she is the Policeman's friend as well.



So, the cosmic flow favored Hughes again, when on Christmas Day an Officer Friendly finally appeared. He's new on the force, and must have chatted with, oh, maybe 100,000 policemen nationwide who know the H-man does no crime, even when severely and persistently provoked in the direction of rearranging your face.



Hey, I watched Dragnet as a kid, but something must have changed out her in Cali-for-nee-ia--a lot. Facts? Nobody wants them, except to, guess what? CHANGE THE STORY, thus "they" are excited by my space-based toys that can change anything.



Fool that I am, I thought that monstrosity on the beach in Ventura had the "transporter beam" within. Oh no, silly, that facility controls the weather. No wonder it is so cold for the "hill people homeless," yours truly included.



Leave it to an apparent neo-Nazi to help keep me warm and be ripped-off to create a fictional character in a movie you will all gladly pay $10 to see, right? Oh I know that's right, because we are apparently casting the movie at the Salvation Army, Starbucks, and the Dollar Tree. I'm not dumb, so I knew this would happen, because I do not watch many newly-released movies and more importantly, have not watched television regularly since the 1960's.



Oh, sure, there was the "married in the 1980's phase of Hill Street Blues and Dallas, but hey, Spelling, were you maybe passing a message with the "J.R." character? See 'ya in court. As for the Hill Street "Animal" character, I did not want to morph into him, but don't you understand? "They" don't act democratically, not yet, anyway.



It's not big news, I suppose, to Internet cynics, but I've concluded all former presidents of the U.S. "richly" deserve to be tossed in jail. Or, we may well "balkanize" into four separate nations, maybe five, because you know how Texas wants its old flag back on top of the pole, and so does California. Don't argue with me, I'm a prisoner here, much like the remake of The Prisoner, and I DO NOT think it funny, or lawful.



No rights! No law! No justice! These are my battle cries on streets where the young ones tell me you can't play Metallica without a black & white swooping down on you. Oh yeah? Mr. Hughes finds this as unacceptable as Metallica found bootlegging their music. Laws--have 'ya heard of them? No, no, I don't mean regarding false spook allegations against me, I mean the real justice system thugboy and drugboy do not have to worry about in Arnoldland.



That's because the girls like their cocaine, and they won't tell me why. "Corruption...that's why we win," said the Christian PAC Man in Syriana, and he'd dead wrong. Keep it up, nitwits, and it will be the rest of the world vs. USA, and though brutally tortured for over three years, I'm a good enough guy to not like those odds. Plus, I'll run for president and fix it all. Whaddya say, Beav?



Let's save more true grit for tomorrow and simply tell you how "Mount Billsuvius" blew. 1977, it was, on my first plane ride. I'm surrounded by nurses, average age of 30-ish. (Sorry, I was 21 at the time, so they were "old.") The girls wanted to party in London, and I made "tentative arrangements" to look one up, then stood her up. Heard of that Sigmund Freud guy? Never mind.



By the way, I figured out the "Hughes in Europe, Summer of 77" was "In the Black" a very long time ago, but it was just more why?, why?, why? Oh, now I know why. Hello Mossad, how 'ya doin'. French Intelligence? Why gosh, they have some in their heads, and in the field. Dutch "anarchists?" Gimmie a break, and I did not deserve a break today at McDonald's in Amsterdam, or Thousand Oaks.



You'd think I'd have gotten the message when the I said to the girl I was smitten with, "Oh, you're in the Israeli Army? Tell me all about it." Hey kids, if you knock on the doors of Abbey Road Studios, let me tell you something. They are not going to let you in and say, "There's the piano John Lennon played," but I shall reserve additional comment until we all get sworn-in as I put your hides in jail.



My next book after the one on being homeless? Try: The Spy's Justice System: How We Almost Shredded the Constitution. Why will I get all 1947 on you if this crap does not stop? The nurses were "wired," and how do I know, all of a sudden in 2009? A bit past midway over the Atlantic, the pilot--you know, the guy who flies the plane--sat behind me in an aisle seat. William the aisle seat man,eh? Yes, I'm pissed, and yes, we do need a lawful "revolution" in the U.S.A. Yes, we do.



In 1978, it could have been, "Drop that marijuana cigarette, and report to the airfield, but "they" did not do that. In 1983, it could have been "Dump her, and save your company," but "they" did not do that. In 1985, it could have been "They are all spies, get out of there, the GM sale is for terrorism," but "they" did not do that. In 1987, it could have been, "You made it home, guess who you are," but "they" did not do that. In 1991, it could have been "The Swiss bankers know you're fine, here's the money," but "they" did not do that. In 1996, it could have been, "Trouble brewing (like 9/11), and you are now on the job," but "they" did not do that. In 1998, it could have been, "Guess who that was on the boat (a 9/11 "hijacker")," but "they" did not do that. And, USA, world at large, this one really infuriates me, in 2001, "they" could have said, "That lady in Florissant, Missouri is "depressed" because she is trying to snitch on an upcoming act of domestic terror, but they did not do that.



Tell everyone from President Carter to Sarah PAL-in, you have told your last lie about William Hughes, and guess what? Many are, as I like to say, "Goin' to jail" over, as RAY ADAMS, one of my old mental health supervisors joked, the preposterous assertion that be it terrorism, sabotage, assassinations, or not flossing enough: "HUGHES DID IT."



No, he did not.