Why would Republic of California communities ban smoking anywhere outside, with no possible health effect, unless Al Gore's warnings are more dire than I've been led to believe? That would be SPYING, and the "Spook Smoke Break." Al, you'd better grab that camera and go back to spying for the Army, while I argue with someone under the wing of a 747 with the engines running. If I fail to do that, maybe Beijing will improve Chinese restaurants for Hollywood, or it will be Sonora style when Mexico City is back in charge. That's the genius of Arnold, for all to see.
How about these incontrovertible facts? A city block in Clayton, Missouri was renumbered to arrive at "911." Clever, if you intend to blame this man for an event known officially as "The Terrorist Attacks Upon the United States." How did I discover what I now call "Number Kookery?" At the St. Louis County Government Center, where the friendly Mossad man approached and asked, "Can you look this up at home?" I replied in the affirmative, but figured the drama is what they want--just ask the clerks who work for not much money at the county office. Oh, and how about the janitor who said, "Hurry up and wait, eh?"
How about the "30" building in New Hampshire? Who told me that block was renumbered? Why, it was the volunteer at the polling place where I "defected" to vote for Ron Paul, and Hell is now below 0 Degrees Centigrade for sure, because I never changed it back, so I'm a REGISTERED REPUBLICAN. Quick Quiz: "Who did Howie hassle?" I think it was mainly Democrats, so why not tell me once more how grandpa was a commie, then remember to "take your medication."
Another source of NH expose was the cheerful Nixonian mailman spy, who was, as we said in the old neighborhood "squirrely" about the address. And, no acid in my eyes--though Army surplus nerve gas is not what you want in the hot water tank, so I could see the "28" out back. The clincher? That gregarious "Verizon Man," who knew many fiber optic things, as do I, but unlike Mr. Hughes, he was in charge of training spies for AT&T before "defecting."
America, I sense someone's been "had," and if you dare to think it's Howard's grandson, you are wrong. Of course, if by no other means than Flint movies I already knew AT&T rules the world, so if busting-up Ma Bell fooled you, wasn't it P.T. Barnum who said suckers are mass produced, and while I may look and act like one, long-time buddies of mine who are better at some things than others summed this up by saying, "Looks can be deceiving."
Indeed, so why did I have to find that after residing in two locations I've termed a "bughouse," the ethereal "we" have discovered even public buildings can be wired and itty-bitty video camera-ized so the friendly & free transit man can cab you home or "disappear" you. It's all kind of Guatemala-ish, and so is Southern California, but additional "Ah ha's" are rung-up by a mere two years of high school Spanish. This has come in handy both in Spain and on the Thousand Oaks buses I've derisively nicknamed the "spy conveyance."
Yet another mystery is how I seem to be "directed" to the right spot time and time again. In the current caper, it was the "Cheapest Hotel to the Scene of the Crime Syndrome" that brought me to beautiful Newbury Park, California. This place is so wacky, it took me months to figure out it is not a separate geopolitical entity, rather, it is what geography people term a "place name," or just a neighborhood, and Mister Rogers it ain't. By the way, where did the green, official highway signs go that said "CONEJO COUNTY" when there is no such California county? Trying to disorient Mr. Hughes, eh? Too late, because in Holly-Bolly-wood, the highway guys changed the signs before my very eyes, as if to say, "Hughes, they are really f---ing with you." Thanks guys, I already knew that much.
Does your community have microwave energy zappers on utility poles? I hope not. Out here in Arnoldland,. I've Joe Bidened my time in waiting to inform the local thugocracy it was likely a Hughes man who put the device on the pole, so zapping Daddy Warbucks in Room 228 of "Jay's Best Value" was, as my old Cornell University boss used to say, "Not okay."
Modern politicians like that term "tipping point," and two of those I can cite to illustrate what I am calling the "MO MO MONSTER" has been sufficiently provoked were the FAA Man proclaiming, "Government work sucks!" with Mr. Hughes present, and what I really liked was a photo of Cornelius Haynes and an associate I shall not describe here. And, it is indeed frustrating that the hometown newspaper rigs their photoshop software so I can't swipe the image for posterity. Not to worry, because I'm guardedly optimistic I may be able to obtain a print somehow.
[TO BE CONTINUED]
SEVERAL INTERRUPTIONS DURING THE COMPOSITION OF THIS PIECE GAVE ME AN IMPRESSION THE SKY IS FALLING FOR SOME, BUT I'M NOT CHICKEN LITTLE, YET I WILL BE SUPPORTIVE, SO I ENCOURAGE ALL CALIFORNIANS TO PURCHASE THEIR CHICKEN MCNUGGETS WITH DEBIT CARDS, THEREBY ENABLING CIVILIAN MALES WITH PONYTAILS AT THE NATIONAL SECURITY AGENCY TO KEEP TRACK OF YOUR EXTREMIST, SECESSIONIST, COUP-PLOTTIN' ASSES.
Hey Nelly, the little computer hackin' twerps out here like to remove words and letters to change the meaning of what you write. FYI: Using this method, they may have just threatened your life. As with Chingy, I'm sure you will be real "scuuurd."
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