RKO All Over Again

As my Bond-like girl Rita says, "Don't start." How many times she says it only Soldier Boy knows, because while my hard drive spinninth, the U.S. Army has taketh the LCD screen. How much can the intel community immortalize my characters, when hey, there's no movie yet.

And I'm "nuts?"

Whew! Can I build Styrofoam Sears Tower rubble and not get murdered over it? Will the Chicago Fireman want to be in a movie and put out the fires? I think he might. Now, does the Illinois Film commission or whatever pay me, or do I have to pay the fireman? I'm new at this, don't you know?

Has ROBERT MUELLER been cuffed and read the rights I never had? Not yet? Oh well. Lawyers? Who needs lawyers to purchase a fine pre-owned beat-up Chevrolet like grandpa Howard? Jet Pilot my second American civil war script ain't--it's a whole lot better, and all of the People Magazine types already know it. Plus, when female Senior Citizens, formerly known as "little old ladies," start hollering "These people are crazy!" and they mean certain public employees, not Mr. Hughes, maybe I will live to tell Marine Boy he's forbidden to play Hail to the Chief on my watch.