Lion Wood

Don't you love my diary?

07.07.10
10:17 a.m.

"You can get killed at LOS ROBLAS, or get killed at SIMI VALLEY HOSPITAL by ADVENTIST HEALTH [Seventh Day Adventists]--and is Mr. Hughes going to end up president by going to many wars, one of which is with organized religion, because the USA was supposed to be an escape from that rot, but instead, the tax-free Ayatollahs--oh, excuse me, they are "Christians," Catholics, and Jews always want to..." [SELF-CENSORED BECAUSE I'M RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT]

Did I live the 1970's version of Animal House? Yes, I did, and the memories? You can't beat this kid's memory in court, so maybe all of the, "How many times can you steal Hughes Aircraft Company? thieves are beginning--I said beginning--to say, "Uncle!" Yes, and at my Animal House, I was the Chief Executive for a shining year, and while it does not seem like yesterday, how well I remember standing on the dorm's architectural feature we called "The Parapet," Sergeant-at-Arms nearby, with a sea of very drunk people on my campus.

The "intelligence report" was, as follows: "Spy (my nickname), they're all 'townies,' and they're starting to pick fights." The decision required? To shut-off the kegs, or not. I surveyed our low-budget excuse for a quadrangle and decreed, "Cut-off the beer!" Like U.S. Marines of the future, braver men that I pulled back the kegs of beer, and the next day, we nursed our hangovers off the last fresh keg, discussing how "Spring Fling" had gotten too big for its britches.

I take full retrospective responsibility, and allege that is why Cornell University had a "Spring Fling" event in the 1980's, and there is one in Ventura County, California as well. Yes, everyone is named "Williams" around here, because that was the last name of my POL SCI professor, and don't say I am "crazy" unless you can change your fake last names really fast.

Hey Governor Arnold, what was going on in WILLIAMS, CALIFORNIA? No infrastructure to support the expensive housing being built, and it looked like the same architecture as the LEMOORE NAS base housing, didn't it? Hmmm...by the time I got there, the "Polar Bear Bar" had already burned down, so you can't blame me. And, if you think I'm telling the Plano, Texas abduction attempt story here, I'm not. I need a big crowd for that one. How about your new mental health gulags? They sure look a lot like 5351 Delmar in St. Louis, Missouri, a place where I did exemplary work, and the facility was aptly described as, "Swedish Police State Architecture."

Changing California's civil commitment laws over 'lil old me? No, you're not, because if a crusading attorney in Alaska can shut down secret prison pipe dreams almost single-handedly, in California, you're just not doing that. Nope; been there, done that in 1979 Missouri, then by the Year of our Lord 2000, I was the mental health policeman, not being detained by him (or her). And, all mental health professionals know the answer to this trick question: "What is the largest psychiatric facility in the USA?" Answer: "The Los Angeles County Jail."

That's the jail where Lindsey Lohan will be residing, because Cannes may be phonetically similar to the "con" in con job, but as we saw yesterday, "they," meaning the Sheriff, can actually put you in jail, despite the status of your little puppet show, or major motion picture. Yes, I told the girls at a girlie roundtable just this morning that both rich and poor are free to sleep under bridges. Yes, the rich like to "get out of the house," while homeless people want a house, and supporting the latter quest does not make me a "communist," it makes me an "affordable housing advocate," or some such label.

HARRIS, CHAMPAGNE, COX, CARLYLE, STEVENS, ACKERMAN, WALLS, MOSES, ATKINS, DEAN, BECKER, etc. etc. etc. you'd better get moving, before somebody in Kook-LA-Land kills my butt, and guys & gals, it's so bad, I am reassessing my lifelong support for legal marijuana. For all of you pothead alumnus, I can't think of a clearer danger sign, and listen to me--Neil Young can stick his "Danger Bird" up his Canadian you-know-what.

Let's stick to facts. In 1976-77, did you get the money? Yes, I got you the money, just like it could be with USA's real Congress in the District of Columbia. I dare to run for the real Oval Office chair and you all act like this? Keep in mind, prison-building programs are not out of the question after some trimming & slimming over at the Department of Defence.

Bottom line? Don't f--- with me, because the Department of Homeland Security limo does not idle out in front of your bagel emporium, does it?