From the He Said It, I Didn't Department: "Back at your home, the police went out of control [and] are throwing people in jail." Who said it, kids? Why, it was Vladimir Putin, and he has "people" working for him, whereas I, William C. Hughes, do not, no matter what old ugly trolls at D.O.J. (so fired!) may say.
MI-6, you have my apologies, because I totally forgot about the 7/7 anniversary, which here in VENTURAKOOK COUNTY is easy to do when tailed by DTS DIGITAL and suspected Russian Sailor Boys. The Negro in Chief is sending inexperienced Russian spies back where they came from? That's nice. In my world, I noticed Mata Hari's real name is the same as the name of the 7/7 "Terror Coach." Coach, like on Cheers. Chicago? She hid there, and then, down I-55, the ever dramatic Saint Louis School Board maybe caused their computer to have some sort of a glitch, as computers tend to be beset with problems, unlike a simple sheet of paper. Especially when spies want them to go on the fritz, the computer is "down," like when the NSA allowed hijackers into San Diego. Fritz? Fellahs, you always remember your first "Donna" fondly, don't you? I'm sorry I'm so good at this, but not really.
Hey Arnold, on behalf of all SSI fakers, I thank you for the extra $300 in those checks, or these days, it's a direct deposit, like the policeman's pay. I am not sucking-up to the policeman, because around here, I don't like him at all. Meanwhile, back at the CLAYTON, MO ranch, I've decided, though the police cars may be green & white, and brag the coppers are "Internationally Accredited," they stink, too.
Let's go to court with the following exchange at my former cigar shop, caddycorner from the old Saint Louis County Police Station:
CIGAR CLERK: "We know this one (Hughes) is okay, but what about the other one?"
CHIEF BYRNE: "Aw, she's alright."
What does "alright" mean, and who is "she?" Gulfstream Jet-chasing lawyers, I suspect you know these things. Byrne, like David Byrne of the U.K.'s 1970's & 1980's sensation TALKING HEADS? I bought their LP albums and CD's, but they've been "detained" in Los Angeles. All affiliated mafias should know I will pay reasonable storage costs, but not large "M" Mafia ransom bucks to get them, and my few sticks of furniture back. Even the new Prime Minister back home made fun of my furniture in a real, not photoshop tricked photo, so at least somebody important feels my pain, and it helps when they are a Head of State. (But it's only the EU, and as I've said, the British Empire ain't what it used to be).
The way these blasted intel types play it, I'm supposed to be happy I'm not detained, but for what? Policeman wants my birthday lately, not an ID. When I offered my Social Security Number, the policeman said, "Nah, we don't want that." You don't want my SSN? Take my credit score, please! Didn't I threaten to put it on the break room wall at 5300 Arsenal Street back in 2006-2007 when it was still okay to joke like that?
The nutcases in California act like we're rushing into World War III, and what am I supposed to do about it operating out of Ralphs Cart 729? "I have fine screenplays for sale," and that's an Ask Not joke, from the script of mine that has an Orthodox Jew terrorist bad guy who sort of gets away with it, but not. Rita's the spygirl franchise if 'ya want one, and while she does get killed by the bad Jew, she comes back, and you'd think--judging from all of the nasty soldiers I've seen not in Iraq, but right here--the Pentagon doesn't know you are allowed to do this in the movies.
Yes, people die and are not dead, E.T.'s might well come to save the day, and time travel is a distinct possibility, particularly as an "old as the hills" screenwriter trick to resolve plot twists. I did not travel to Hollywood intending to reinvent the wheel, or get killed by some crank on SSI. Trivia Question: How many states supplement SSI? Alaska = secret prisons, and California = get cuckoo, get paid!!!
Nine hundred bucks to sit on your asses, get drunk, smoke pot, and I am informed by people who would know hallucinogens never went out of style? Why not make "Driving onder the influence of [fill-in the blank] the same as a DUI? This plan is "Dave the Cop Approved," because once upon a time I had a lawman advisor, and when he moved out of "The Bughouse" on Rita, he said, "No more free police protection for you." He really did, CA spies, but to his detriment, the promised e-mail address was not left behind, as were the USAF neighbor guy's old, dried dog turds.
Am I getting more "conservative," or could you all be that crazy out here? I think it's the latter, and at least one old dude said I'm going to be on TV. Is he right? Don't know, but by all means, enjoy your Supplemental Security Income financed crack rocks (until I get elected president, scuttle the Earned Income Credit, and switch it to a Nixon from beyond the grave Negative Income Tax (NIT). See, rotten, low-down, gov'ment types, I really was a bureaucrat, so I can make up acronyms and run for president, too.
My "be nice and volunteer at the senior center" resume DISAPPEARED? Thanks for the tip, and "Who's goin' to jail?" because I'm still here, Murder Inc.