Please, No Hollywood Mug Shot

www.mugshots.com, my check is in the mail, or if I stay "The Homeless Trillionaire" much longer, please sue me. Please, please, please. Shucks, the Sheriff was just in the senior center today looking for someone, but not me. It's an old joke from The Loo. Arson? "We got the wrong guy." Stolen car chase rampage? "We got the wrong guy." You see, in the USA, crooks get lawyers, and they get paid to point out their guy did not do it. Hughes does not need a lawyer for that, it's more like: "Gimmie Boeing, gimmie DirecTV, gimmie Sun Oil, gimmie Hughes Network Systems, (need to see an I.D.?--it says HUGHES), gimmie the Las Vegas airport, gimmie...OH LORD!!! Baker Hughes International, gimmie....."

The inside jokes abound to the point where we've moved beyond, "Know your St. Louis phone exchanges of old" to quiz questions like: "What was William Hughes' first mental health business job?" Answer: Hospital Monitor, as with the Thousand Oaks California public library "Monitor," and the LUTHERAN SS homeless non-program "Monitors."

Did I really have to remember my first passbook savings account book was orange? How old was the Hughes when it was issued? Fifteen (15). Why? He had a j-o-b. Washing pans at the meat market, as I recall, "under the table." Did the money go for pot? No, it went in my Hamilton Savings & Loan account. How about washing I.H.O.P. dishes when sixteen (16) years of age came around? Same. Cooking I.H.O.P. pancakes at eighteen (18)? Same.

Drugs, what drugs? You talkin' to me? How about the tetracycline that made my teeth dull gray, so television networks, prepare for the no-tooth smile, until I see a fancy Westlake Village of the Damned dentist. At eighteen years of age, papa actually signed-off on the account being all mine, and why not, when the light yellow 1968 CHRYSLER NEWPORT had bled away about $1,200 to $300 or so? COMING SOON: The lowdown on all Hughes car vandalism, from my old Chrysler's many fluid leaks (joke? ONLY THE GASOLINE DID NOT LEAK) to the black 07 FORD FOCUS neither end of the CA lawperson's "Sheriff-Cop Combo" ever mentions. How convenient! Should I hit them over the head with the VIN Number? Oops! There's my mug shot! Take a bus to the police station? The bus does not go there? The station is "Up a hill?" You talkin' "spy talk" to me?

Well, the famous Focus did have a HUGHES 2008 bumper-sticker on it, and don't we all know those will be highly sought after collector's items, once someone at PENSKE TRUCK LEASING goes to jail. Got a whole box left after conquering Concord, New Hampshire. Do I have to explain again and again and again that, as New Hampshire Secretary of State Bill Gardner was so quick to point out in-person (it really happened), the Iowa Caucus is not an election, but the Obama staffers streamed out of their Des Moines campaign office to see me go by (I saw 'ya!).

Hey, hey, NSA, can I hear those recordings? Not until I'm president? Okay, I can wait.

Regarding all of the infernal hacking that goes on around here, it was CORNELL UNIVERSITY ex-boss RICH MCDANIEL who said, in 1986, "I can type faster than you." Thanks, Rich, for the mini-golden parachute to hang out with suspected Russian spies. But Rich, I do have two questions: 1) How did you manage to "lose" the 9/11 hijackers in Thailand?; and 2) Why did the likely "Thai Contingent" here claim to be from Mexico? Hillary, do you like my little U.N. out here? It works better than the New York one, but I have no SSI check, chief funding source for spy-slackers, because it is a case of, as I often say, "Not one day of mental disorder in my life." No job? GET REAL!!!!!

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