Rooty/Rudy Toot Toot

Let's try a bit of "cross-blogging" and ask all GOP candidates to QUICK! name the capital city of Chile. I'm not running? Get real! When the big dog real estate tycoon's blood relative says, "Where you from, honey?" and the relpy was "Chile," no "con" carne is in progress. I'm nice, even when I'm about to rip your lungs out and tie-off a raggedy Ralph's bag with them, so I did what the family called an exchange of "pleasantries" and told King Louis, "I'm not thinking what you're thinking" because the female in question was: a) As I say at 55, "Within shouting distance of my age"; b) Very attractive; and c) Since I am really running for president, I/we can't describe her physically, like Romney, Bush, Palin, Huckabee, Pawlenty, Locker Room talk. Girls don't talk about a guy's "attributes?" Get real!

FULL DISCLOSURE
Hughes said: "The capital is Santiago, right?"
She said, "Yes, I live near there."
BING>>You may advance to Iowa. No? Who the hell are you?

Did Amsterdam ATC and I really hear some airborne cowpoke say, "Watch out, twenty-two five is on." Are you faking that, too? The way vc spies are behaving, I think not. Laziest president ever, I'd be, so Malo Suerte can wait until tomorrow, and there will be a tomorrow, dudes & dudettes. The DEA burns bodies? Shocked! Shocked, I am! Are there not some usual suspects?Not me, you idiot! Oh, these Cali-fornia spies! Give me the NH knuckleheads back!

"Puzzle Palace?" This Beats Bamford By A Country Mile

IT WORKED

WORKS FINE!

HUGHES AEROSPACE, (extremely) LLC

What did the grossly obese Pro Wrestling fan "Puzzle Man" say as he was lying on the floor waiting on EMS? "As Bill, he's easier to manipulate." Puzzles in Granite City, Illinois and Thousand Oaks, California? In Illinois, the puzzle boys were either Seriously Mentally Ill (SMI), on street drugs, or both. In Cali-fornia, they drive a TOYOTA 4 RUNNER or a LEXUS ES 300 and call me names that should be responded to with what in my (not) misspent youth we used to call a "knuckle sandwich."

Seen that Star Trek franchise? Someday, I'm getting the full DVD set (or whatever we're storing images on) to watch Shakespearean actor guy John Stewart say "I am Locutus of Borg." Wow! Feature film movie production values on my little 19 inch RCA color television set at 11019 Mollerus Drive, the address of mine the United States Government won't change, but they did assign me an IRS Tax I.D. Number to run my little political puppet show, which all spies on Earth know already. Regarding Captain Picard's plight, as I often say, "I was almost scared."

I was not scared, however, I was happy when a real Paramount exec wrote a detailed e-mail to me about intellectual property that, like many of your homes, is still on the market. Something about a "recession." Where's the computer with that baby on it? As for the guy with the extra drives on him you did not know about, I have one question. "Has he crashed his plane lately?" Son, you just are not me, but I think a producer might hire a better-looking fellow to play me saying, "You crashed your plane? Sir, it might have something to do with me." What did he say, spies? "Oh I tried this, and I tried that, but my darn plane crashed into some trees." "Sure it's not my computers?," asked Hughes (that's me). "Nah," he said. What's the "visual" joke, borg boy? He's in a near full body cast. Now that's "Taking one for the team," and so totally St. Louis.

My invisible Gulfstream 850-chasing lawyers have advised me to call the Bridge-ton, Missouri policeman, unless they've expanded the airport with no hub once more, right "Kit?" (R-MO-OUT-ON-HIS-LAZY-ASS). Oh, let's get further St. Louis local(izer).Did I not hear them whine "White Elephant" regarding Metrolink? When? 1987-1989. What happened? Cha ching! The "Loo" is a real city after all, and they could not expand light rail fast enough. Got an argument? Call Charlie Brennan on KMOX ("The Mighty Mox") because Mr. Brennan has a job, whereas I sleep in culverts, or concrete when I figure out I'm paying, in part, for your silly spyin' park.

Packed the trains were, no white or pink elephants at all. And, given the human conductor does control the train, when Mr. Lockheed said, "Take the Metrolink," I really did think things like, "Am I back in Switzerland?" "Could this thing tip over?" And, "My, my, we're really boogie-ing." Yes, I thought that in the "Redbird Express," with only H-man and a few nonchalant Negroes testing how fast the train could go.Don't believe my stories? First, there are millions of blogs on Soldier Boy's Internet for you to choose from, and additionally, I sat at the Metrolink crossing more than a few times behind BARNES JEWISH HOSPITAL, and, as an added bonus, I f***ing worked there! Yes! Ask Jim H. about how the judge and I put you on the private BJH psycho ward, even if you were in fact the Spuds McKenzie Girl dancing on the left.

Clayton, Missouri policeman? So in jail!!! Three...two...one..."He's crazy!" Aw, even ATC is rotten, so how about, "Line up and shut up!" Oh yes, JFK, you too. Proving California negatives for two years? What do I mean? "I am not crazy." "I have the right to not talk to you" etc. etc. etc. And what does John Voight's daughter have tattooed on her back? "KNOW YOUR RIGHTS." BONUS KOOK CHRISTIAN/E.T. CHASING STALKER Q: What was the name of my Rosary High School "Theatre Nun?" Sister Jolie.

Let us, as my slogan goes, "Get real!" "Secret" prisons? est. 1973. Mind reading from space? Ready to roll in 1979. Do you smell a rat? Might be olfactory fun from satellites, operational in 1989. Folks doing some anti-grav jumping, like a Flubber movie? Also ready in 1989. By 1994, the lovely Aimee Mann was in her Mercury program-ish spacesuit and looking plenty crazy. Is that when this CIVIL WAR/STAR WAR/WORLD WAR started?I would not know, but I can speak a line ripped-off from Keynes: "We're all Republicans now." And, I could add, "If the Democrats want to act like that."

Is he still there? Mr. Nappy-head? Is Joe Bidin his time? Allow me to relate something to puzzle boys that is true and 20th Century court-ready. I used to, as David Letterman has often said, "Like my beer," and this is no secret, but do not say the "A" word around me, or I'll shoot back something like, "What's an AA Group? [Officer Reese, may I answer my own question? Thanks] "A bunch of drunks trying to rationalize their next drink." How about the Cornell U. "Drunk on the job" bullshit from an ass who "lost" the 9/11 hijackers in Thailand? Ten minutes of interview, forty minutes of, "Do I have to sit here to keep my job?" Judge, what did the guy say? "You can go now." Follow-up? None, because you spies are all natural-born liars, and Royal Boy is fixin' to cut your heads off. "Did you ever serve in the military?" No, the DNA leads militaries.

Kids, how do you stagger out/Inn for more beer on Friday night, but upon arrival at the convenience store, the "Blue Law" chains are on the brew, and it's Sunday morning? Officer Krupkie, did I ever sober-up fast and stroll back to 420 West you-know-where. Kooks & crazies, prrresent arms!

Where did it fall? What year? Oops, now he knows, can't shut-down the .net.

What year was grandma born?

Not that year, the other year?

"PUZZLE BOYS," GET TO WORK!"

while I have another cup of coffee

Chuck Roast

Hughes, you're doing so well in the simulator, why don't you.....flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop...


The "P.T. Hoosier" is what they call it in The Loo. What is a "hoosier" to St. Louisians? Join me in Iowa and New Hampshire, and I'll try to hold sociology class and explain it. I'm a politician now (I think), so I promise to at least try. BONUS QUICK STORY: How about that gal in front of the Manchester, NH public Library in 2008 with the large [CENSORED] who came out on her cell phone, and I'd swear in any court it went like this: "Oh my God! My roommates were driving me crazy, so I came to the library and...oh my God! He's standing right here! No shit! He's right here! On the library steps!"

So you want to talk about the National Security Agency, eh? Why don't we instead talk about the old Army joint over on Goodfellow, where PHIL, or RICK, or whatever his name was, managed to hit an aspirin factory instead of Osama. Ho, ho, ho! Who reportedly gobbled aspirin by the handful? Why? Ouch! Plane crashes hurt your head, right Yeager? The Wallflowers song is called "The Difference," and my U.S. Army sniper-dude next door, plus that pooping dog, never cleaned-up the Turner property Mazda Miata Air Force kook on the "other side" both knew I wanted to use it in a campaign commercial, didn't they? What does "IG" stand for? Never mind.

All was fair in love and spy games I don't play until I got to Cali-fornia, where I got mean and decided Jacob Dylan is going to jail. The prospective POTUS "difference?" H INTEL Q: "How many flies are on his camel's butt?" No more, "We don't know where Osama is." Oddly helpless they are, when a fellow IHOP cook told me about old-fashioned lens from space photography in 1972. Today, I call it "Total Physiological Monitoring" (TPM). No, it does not stand for "Toilet Paper Military," but if I got there, they'd maybe not even have a full roll on the base, and I am not talking "spy talk." Like a mean drunk, it's time to cut-off all money to the Pentagon.

Here they come! I can see them. I can hear them. "We're going to get attacked!!!" I'd say, "No, I just got off the phone with them." "A-rabs are coming!!!" "No, I know the King from way back." Terrorists! "Homeland" terror like 9/11 again? "Nah, those are my old 'friends', and as your 'nice guy' president, I'll kill their asses if they try to pull that sort of crap again."

Chuck, you just don't have those kind of potential problems, nor are you & your boys/girl "homeless." However, you do seem to control "DAVE/STARMAN/VAPOR LOCK/DTS DRIFTER" + "KEN/NICK/KENT" + "RAYTHEON GIRL" a.k.a. "PORKY PIG" + "PUZZLE BOY." Poor old truly homeless me? Well, I'm only trying to: a) Make a movie; b) Build a rocket with the "Delta III/IV Man," and c) Run for president. Short on full names, are we? Mine is WILLIAM CHARLES HUGHES. Ah, yes. What's for lunch?

CHICKEN BROCCOLI ALFREDO/PEAS/SALAD BAR

You're Pretty Not Important

Pay to have dinner with Clinton? No, he's buying. What is his spouse up to? Christian Science Monitor said, "On the Brink of War." New York Times said, "Got a Little Shellin' Goin' On," and don't you know the Jerusalem Post put it way behind other top stories...like the president splitting his lip, and have I pointed out, ad nauseum, that I just don't spy on nobody?

I think I have. On with the show.

Yes, the local girl slammed all glittering Hollyscummytown scent salesgirls with one line: "She doesn't matter." And, I am chopped liver, apparently. Tick tock, tick tock..... Now, we are talking time travel, Mr. Coast to Coast producer, but the Premier Radio Network & Premier Inn rational association is rather obvious, because George's Saint Louis studio is on the same plaza where I saw Network on a cold January, 1977 evening, on high recommendation from Professor Williams. Williams, California? Arnold, the "Polar Bear Bar" had already burned down, and as for the not quite abductors from Plano, Texas, it has been hinted to me that story will help revive Jay Leno's career. Oh, by the way, the 1977 "blond bombshell" was not from outer space. No, she's not.

However, the president might be. And if so, does that matter? No! Because with 24 months until Election Day, and about 26 months remaining in a theoretical rest of the Obama Administration, he's already as lame a duck as we shall ever see residing at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Where's that grad school paper I got an "F" on as a bad joke from Professor HINKLEY, on what? Parliament vs. Congress, and how do you spell the almost shot Reagan dead guy's name? HIN'C'KLEY. What's my middle name? Charles. "C," like cat? Don't say that! Hughes, like Howard? Let's don't go there, unless you have a J.D. and a slightly worn leather briefcase. Hughes like Larry? In my opinion, which is all that matters, he never lived up to his potential in the NBA. Hughes like Matt Hughes? Too violent.

VIOLENCE. Headless gangster in the Thousand Oaks VON's lot? Do you want that? Headless bodies dumped en mass at the Promenade? Not my problem, unless I get to run for office, and did I not warn USA of all that crap in my completed 12/2005 still unpublished book? Drug war? Gang war? Civil War? World War? Ron, Jack, Richard, William, Pamela, and maybe Senator F-girl can think this over in comfort, while I freeze my ass off and battle my "Virus of the Week," behind the rear (admiral) of a public building.

Is anybody going to believe this? They'd better. Why? Admiral Willie is here. The "Spitting King" is here. Don't think "bipolar," young thugs, try renting Beckett. "Oh, now I get it," they shall say. Eyes like Howard? Nose like the "other William?" Jaw line like William IV? Get real! Get over your addictions! Get a (real) life! No job? Perhaps I can help. Movie cast & crew? Not very original. Partner with a deefense/deefence company that advised me on the mighty HP C-300 and showed me a photo of a rocket scientist of some renown? What did I say? "How could he dress like that?" (No NASA white shirt & skinny tie). The answer was/is, his boys smuggled plans out of Nazi Germany, and William V does not smuggle at all.

May I build a rocket, please? This was done on Melanie Street in Bellefontaine Neighbors, Missouri (Don't say Missour-ah) 1966-1967 with great success, and someone (USAF perhaps) stole it. Every launch, rocket burn, course correction, orbital insertion, descent, ascent, and "Will the rocket burn to get home?" burn, I was there. And I've been nearly asphyxiated how many times? WELCOME TO WORLD WAR III.

Rocket Man? Elton's Check Is In The Mail, Right? Spin Doctors Got Any Cash?

"Heavy." It's a rocket term. It's an aviation term. It's a hippie musician term. It was descriptive of me in the .com glory 1990's. What did he say? He called me what? I knew it! Do I have any say in this?

What is GOOGLE doing on that rocket? Have they taken over the world? Not yet? Keep me posted.
Did Woody Harrelson really make a movie I saw reviewed in Navy Times where he got to go out and shoot "droids" at will? People, it's a bit like holograms, where what if it's a real person? My mom really liked Woody Allen in What's Up Tiger Lilly? What does it mean? What does it mean?

Did I really stumble out of the old folks ping pong/bingo hall, and with a very famous (I think) Hollywood person out back, say "Guys, I'm kinda busy trying to figure out who killed John Entwistle, you know, the Who's bass player." The guy looked at me with...we shall not describe the look here, but what's important is, he really said, "And running for president in 2012." What did I say? "Yeah, yeah, I gotta get back to work." What did they watch on their very own "Farmer in the Dell" 755's? MATT HUGHES fighting? "That's not like a Mike Tyson fight," I said. "Where do they do that, Vegas?" As usual, I got no answer.

I accuse the Thousand Oaks/Westlake crowd of "Not talking too much," but how about this exchange?

CEH: "Did you know that out there in California, Feinstein is married to a rich real estate developer named Richard Blum?"
WCH: "Yeah, I know the Blum's."

THAT WAS ALL. NEXT TOPIC, PLEASE. So it shall be (maybe) from my side of the Shure SM 57's. "Next question, please. I don't have all day."

Who's dropping by next? Jolie dressed as a volunteer cop? Angela, got a cig? Got a solid quarter?

Excuse Me, I Just Killed My Producer

Where was the money, Drugboys & Thugboys? You can rent it, whereas I have no money. You have a DVD or ancient VHS player, and did I mention I have no money? See the movie, moron, and report back. Where was the MONEY?

That's not me in there on Apollo 8, but I was, per usual, glued to the RCA second color TV on the block screen. However, no matter how many times some crazie plays Moonlight Sonata, we ain't going nowhere until my legal team shows up. I don't have one? You're in for a surprise, son. MENTAL NOTE: Stop using bad grammar, because you really are running for president.

Why was this first ever photo taken around Christmas? Because we're Catholics, cuckoo Christians, and Howard was supposedly born on Christmas Eve. I guess this was so every nut in the nation would try to abduct or kill me before, during, or after Midnight Mass. Lots of cars on St. Cyr Road, say the brain cells, and now I know why. Mr. Geno attended mass and looked rather disgusted in 1985? Now I really, really, know why.

Did it really happen? The day before Thanksgiving? Talk of rockets led to what? I said, "That's not a good idea." He said, "Yeah, you can't control them." I said, "Doesn't [REDACTED BY THE MYSTIC PIZZA MAN] make those?" He said, "Yeah." Immediately, Ron Howard, I was thinking stuff like, "It that should occur, you couldn't even do the old slingshot trick and.....
SCREECH/BAM/BOOM/CRUNCH/TINKLE/TINKLE...

Who? What? He was what? From where? We're going where? They consulted me on this?
Yeah, and who the f*** are you, sir?

I'M MR. HUGHES,YOU BIG, STUPID, SPYIN' ASS.
Did MARTIN MARIETTA really buy GD? I don't get out much. And, Soldier Boy does not like me on his Internet too much. Lots of info out there, and it's just not secret at all.

Entertainment Tonight

This woman is NOT Lindsey Lohan, and apparently, whoever this was/is hired an attorney who has an invisible tinfoil hat on, which he is adjusting for better reflectivity. Do I have facial recognition and stuff? Are you a drug dealer eating a big basket of burgers while I starve? Uh huh. Oh, you didn't know that? What's in that newspaper rack? The Ithaca Times? Grapevine? I was famous once in New York, but I don't sprint to planes that might...you know...encounter certain difficulties, and as for Sprint the phone company, we're just not talking about that. Not today, anyway.

This is the REAL Lohan, who was at Carl's Jr. @ CONEJO VALLEY PLAZA on what day, Mr. new Sheriff, every bit as corrupt as the old Sheriff? Oh! Christmas Day, 2009. Yes, Disney Corporation, where everything neo-Nazi is trademarked, copyrighted, and lil' TM'ed, right? Right! Can you ABC 7 jackasses spell C-A-U-G-H-T? "Just off the ticker"......now wait a second, fellahs, these jerks are stealing hughes screenplay #8 in real-time as I type the damn thing!!! Never fear, Hughes, as at least one razor sharp producer has figured out, as did Mel, that Springtime for Hitler is no good for all allegedly normal humanoids, and my life story is surely worth a great deal more than my Jimmy Stewart movie ending spyin' chick flicks. Did I just call my blood, sweat, and tears a "chick flick?" Right now, it's lucky to be on a...what? HANNAH MONTANA compact disc [oh, the irony!], and just yesterday, I reminded a producer's idiot relative the CD's "premier" was in 1983, well before his mom & dad got down to what all Hollyscummywood people like to do--a lot.

As for me & Lodown girl, even our damn United States Supreme Court, a.k.a. Hughes' pen pals know of the "What the f*** are you doing here?" lip-reading and goo-goo eye drama. Drama! Drama! The Thousand Oaks/Westlake synthetic creatures demand it, and Hughes delivers! As for silently fussing with the current president during a State of the Union address, this is above my "NO SECRETS" clearance level, but reliable sources tell me some actually have cash & credit to go shopping on Friday. [legal disclaimer: "Black Friday" is a registered media shibboleth, and Mr. Hughes neither confirms nor denies we Ahmuricans are all going to be living in shantytowns as the Chinese drive big Hummer limos].

This is not me getting "in"/"out" Burger relative to the airplane as: a) That man has short hair; b) That man attended the cuckoo-bird Mormon-infested Air Force Academy, a model for your delusional Star Fleet Academy of Cali-fornia; c) Bob Gates cancelled that airplane, so it's not there anymore, is it? Deefense shareholders, I think he really did cancel a few "big ticket" items, so perhaps I will not seek to put his lying ass in jail.

We move to adjourn for Turkey Day, but first, QUOTES OF THE DAY:

"Thanksgiving? Ah, that's no big deal."

- Coffee, What Coffee? Man

"I don't want to look in there."

- Named After A 1970's Car Stereo Girl

"Looks like you got your Midwestern weather!"

- The Northrup Mutt Walkin' Man

"You tell 'em."

- King Louis of France

Hughes Thanksgiving Lunch Menu:

$1.00 DOUBLE BURGER ("they" add the cheese for free. I do not ask or pander for it)

[FRENCH FRIES] Not likely, as you know who, or perhaps her body-double said, "Got to stick to the budget!"

COFFEE [may I take a few extra sugars without being placed under arrest? Homeless America, please save your receipts, because the presidential demon may be a 666 "front man" for some type of warped National Socialism, and who better to "fool 'ya" with that crap than a.....black guy? This isn't a problem? I did enjoy that web page with a Lindenwood College girl pictured as Obama's mom. I saw it, it was real. Did spies run to Kenya and my g'ma's hometown near The Arnold's birthplace to "check it out?" Yes, and they reported back on grandma, not POTUS-momma. Need to know, need to know, need to know. Even I get that, and I ain't spyin']

What Are You?

WARNING TO ALL SPIES: Please familiarize yourself with the old-fashioned 20th Century and back to when there really were Kings and a legal system, because the alarm has stopped sounding on the "NICE" Gauge, and my "GOOD" Gauge has the amber light on. Do you get my meaning? Get my "drift." Rosary High grads do, as do the Lindenwood Lions.

Oookay, Las Vegas policeman. Who was the f***ing coke whore who killed The Who's bass & keybard player? Scotland Yard, how's it going on the Brian Jones murder? Keith Moon? Don't tempt me, but I'm already there. Please see: hughesforgovernorin28days.wordpress.com if the blog is not hacked, for more truth and possibly a few idle threats.

When does it "switch" to hughesforpresidentrealfast.wordpress.com? When I get some m-o-n-e-y, that's when. Movies? What's that? Light on a silver screen? Wow! Innovation! Technological feats! Ten bucks a ticket! Five hundred million dollar gross from my movie, eh? Now they're salivating? As my MAUI character says, more than once, "Uh huh."

Downright "innovative and creative," as one of my old associates often said about the newest, coolest, "progressive rock" band. Mafia(s) were deciding who made our vinyl LP's? Not a surprise, as a man who would know told me in 1973 who gave orders on filling the "juke box." Hey girls, I hear Dave's record collection is about the same as mine. Can you read my mind? Not that Dave, silly. "Lawyers, guns, & money?" What are you talking about? No one will help on the former, if I request the middle item, I'm surely going to jail, and on the money thing, well, didn't a certain person tell a young girl long ago that men are like buses, so another will be along in 20 minutes, or about an hour and 40 if you live in a community that rips off a higher level of government, then pockets the change. (repeat as needed)

Bell, California? Wait until I get you assHo**s.

"Another Tricky Day," eh Townshend?

He found the architects who designed "HHMI?" Are we going to kickbox at the door to the Go Bell "Computer Lab?" Spies are reporting losing their memories? Shocked I am at this development! Let's go to Q&A mode.

Q: "Have the Maryland State Police aided Hughes previously?"
A: "Yes, they drove by at approximately 110 m.p.h. with their copper lights on when I reported to my Ford Focus buggy-wuggies that vile D.C. spies were gaining on Henry's mere four-banger at 85 m.p.h., which was 30 mph over the limit, and I'm not talkin' spy code/number code, these are FACTS."
Q: "Why didn't you get ticketed?"
A: "I did not hit the brakes; I downshifted and hid behind a trash truck."
Q: "Where did your pursuers go."
A: "They were illegally spying, and perhaps thinking malice, thus afraid of the police. They exited the Interstate promptly."
Q: "Will the Maryland authorities aid you again?"
A: "My reasonable expectation is that they will back me when I click my bullhorn on and tell the Howard Hughes Medical Institute suspected bio-chem terrorists something like, 'This is my building. I am William Charles Hughes, the founder's grandson. I have a court order in my hand. This is my property. You have twenty minutes to exit the building. Do not bring anything with you but your personal possessions, which will be searched as you exit the building. Do not delay, as the buildings on this campus are currently being wired with explosives, and will be destroyed on my order later today." (repeat as needed)


Nice that "they" may want to make a movie, but dum-dums with "Roswell Tech" apparently know what's on my world-famous "To Do" list, such as:

11/12/60
UNITED 826 DC-8
TWA 266 Connnie

What did the lady say regarding that TWA flight? "Too many sixes in the flight number." What did the logical, rational people tell her? "Get on the plane, you're being silly and superstitious."

Kids, what happened to her?

SHE DIED.

Me? Fly to New York City on short notice?

Oh, those old Watergate Spooks! They serve-up your heads on plastic trays. And, why not? They are long retired, and our presidential Negro didn't even give them a Social Security Administration Cost of Living raise (COLA). What else do they have to do with their time?

As for me, I'll be "On the localizer" to be sure I'm correct about many things, but any resemblance to HH is purely coincidental.

He Said It, I Didn't

As "The Rock of Saint Louis" and AC/DC inquire, "Who made who?" I must wonder who's flying for UPS, and given I know, what's his suggestion for new colors? Spyin' on me since 1972? Not okay! And, what did that valiant full time driver say in response to the question, "How's work?"

He said, "It sucks!"

line up and wait.....

Just Another Night In T.O./Westlake

I thought the graph of Orville & Wilbur to Space Shuttle was instructive, but what they've got now at the right end of that diagram is, as one of my favorite Beatles songs goes, "Too much, too much, too much, too much....." No wonder you all smoke pot. Did real pilots help with typing up my plane crash scene? Yes. What tower was I listening to? Sorry, Charlie, this tuna is not writing much down any more, kinda like Harry Truman. Uh, don't argue with me, because I went through his files, and you probably did not. "We're [all] on the localizer?" Really? I'm just not talking "spy code," and I did not time travel to the scene above. Taken your meds today? Good!

It seems like a very long time ago, a suspected Mafia Man en route to the pool hall poignantly handed me a copy of The Acorn. As with many things in or near the Ventura/Los Angeles County "Bermuda Triangle," I noted the newspaper was published in [no U-Turn!] Agoura Hills, but the content was all about my [the locals call it a "brain fart," as I wonder if I detest the people, the place, or both] temporary community of Thousand Oaks, California, a place that might still be in the USA--stand by as we transition from Arnold to Jerry.

What happened in "T.O." on November 7, 2010? I wasn't there, but I reviewed the Sheriff's Blotter in The Acorn. As for "Blotter" LSD back in the day, it was a Thousand Oaks man in the know who told me that stuff was not made correctly and was not really LSD. Ready for a new H-Blog Feature? It's time for "DEA Q&A." Our first question is, "Who got blotter LSD for the Bellefontaine Neighbors/Moline Acres gang?" A: "Dark Side" CIA. It's a bit like an FBI man getting about a half gram of cocaine, and somebody named "Gary" got the other half gram, bringing the total Citizen Hughes lifetime coke consumption figure to roughly one gram. Please, for those unschooled about drug stuff, don't lie like a Thousand Oaks ninny did by saying, "That's a lot!"

People of USA, EU, China, Russia, and ships at sea, I would not know firsthand, but I believe that is what a "cokehead" uses in one evening of NORTH HOLLYWOOD, HOLLYWOOD, BURBANK, GLENDALE, BEVERLY HILLS action. And, if you don't believe me, go to Paris, and I'm not talking about France.

Returning to the scene of the crimes, at "nine to five," or 925 South someplace or other, a 28 year-old male was reportedly drunk in the parking lot at 12:10 a.m., so since you can't do that, it's just not allowed...BUSTED! Later, two 22 year-old males were stupid enough to start battering at 1:49 a.m., and this is truly not allowed, leading to...BUSTED//BUSTED, again on the parking lot. Let us not divert to the antics on this august community's parking lots--agreed? Okay. Next, a 23 year-old male who apparently thought you can mess with a Sheriff in a cop car was...guess what? BUSTED! for obstructing justice at 2 a.m.

Oh, no, no, no, we're not done yet, because what would a night of debauchery be without what I've termed the rather radical local "Pee Where You Stand" procedure? Public parking lot? 2:10 a.m.? BUSTED! Oh, they don't get it, as we concluded the evening's activities with a 23 year-old female, who, at 2:49 a.m. was...guess what? BUSTED for battery! A girl, excuse me, woman, of that age beating ass near 3 a.m.? Outrageous! [And, may I have her cell phone number?] Following our night out, may I borrow a Missouri State Patrol big Merc cop car? Not yet? I thought we were finally making a movie! No? Not yet?

"I'm Calling Julia Roberts On You!"

Some VHS & DVD Hollyscummywood productions I could not find anywhere, try as I may. This was back during the wannabe screenwriter mag recommended, "See a bunch of movies, write a movie" phase. Never, never, could find Pretty Woman. Now that mafia(s) hold my VHS & DVD player for a brewing Civil War 2.0, not ransom, I got the "spy code" completely when someone who shall remain nameless said the title of this piece to me just yesterday. Why the foolishness between Mr. Letterman and Ms. Roberts? I won't wear cologne, but rotten, spyin' Catholics I'm putting behind bars gave me some Arid Extra-Dry. May I say, "Go to hell" on Soldier Boy's Internet? I just did.

Let's check it off: NO FEDERAL AGENCY REALLY CARES ABOUT ME, THE CHP DOES NOT CARE ABOUT ME, THE SHERIFF HAD BETTER NOT CARE ABOUT ME OR I SHALL SLING HIS ASS IN HIS OWN COUNTY JAIL, AND MY ODDLY BELOVED "NEVER SEEN COPS LIKE THIS BEFORE" THOUSAND OAKS POLICEMAN DOES NOT CARE ABOUT ME, BUT IF THE SCONE-EATING "VOLUNTEER COPS" STARE AT ME FOR TOO LONG ONE MORE TIME, I WILL INDEED CALL REAL PEACE OFFICERS OUT ON THEM. (The e-z to remember # is 9-1-1).

GOT POLICE POWER?

No, you don't, and neither do I. May I type-up some more pages for "Mr. Big Shot?" Drama! Drama! Stay tuned, and remember what AC/DC sang--"Rock 'n Roll Will Never Die." (Pssst...hey soldier boy...you are making me distinctly un-patriotic, but don't forget the campaign commercial that has me buying the rights to "For those about to rock, we......)

"Shock and awe" in all the wrong places. Wanna argue? How about on the telly?

Have a nice weekend.

DSM-5-R: In Development, Hughes Leads Research Team

What? Where? May I take another breath? Travel? Are you nuts? Crash a perfectly good corporate jet? Not me, brother.

THE NUMBERS THAT MATTER, AND YOU CA KOOKS CAN'T CHANGE IT

C 00431841 (The federal People for the Real Deal PAC Number).

P 8003536 (My very own Candidate Number, and that job application is for President of the United States, you f***ing idiot).

80-01415 (My IRS Tax Number, with no employees, as of yet).

"We" shall discuss more, hopefully tomorrow, about how there is "covert meaning" attached to just about every number the no longer so "secret" National Socialists (Nazis) dish out to Mr. Hughes, because they control every electron that moves with my proprietary technology, now well stolen by any nation, or large corporation, that can stamp a printed circuit board.

Who started the super high-tech "giveaway?" GEORGE H.W. BUSH. Who made it worse by peddling chips to China? WILLIAM JEFFERSON CLINTON. Plenty of bipartisan presidential blame to go around, stoopid spyin' robo-ass, so why do you think I want the job? "Get me that file, and don't be slow, soldier!" Admiral, I want that shit on my computer screen today!" etc. etc. etc. All stalkers, please note, you are a criminal, though your brain-jacked cerebellum thinks not. An hour a day as POTUS to read-up on:
HUGHES/OLLINGER/LEONARD/GALLAGHER?

Oookay, "we" shall make time in the Hughes Administration, because many wondered why on the paternal side it was, "Grandpa was a butcher," and as for maternal g-parent, try "Grandpa was in the Navy." That was it; that's all folks. Disagree?

See y'all in federal court.

Lazy? Steal Quotes & Watch F-15 Video

Hey Poland, what are you doing? Smoking in there? And yes, the (c) goes to Bartlomiej Wojcik via airliners.net, because Bart has rights, and I don't. Nothing like watching F-15 video in a building full of brain-jacked kooks, and who can say the worthless spook-inspired "grounding" of Howard's grandson was right? I suppose my not a lie wisecrack would be, "It's better than seeing the same maneuver over University City, Missouri out the window of a crooked Clayton lawyer." Medical problems after eight years of torture in the USA? None, save a very slight arrhythmia during the video. It's the precision that gets me every time, and for "visuals," you can't beat the dual lit red engines. I did softly declare, "Yeeha!," and was not ejected from the rather inescapably criminal charge-worthy "Computer Lab." Amazing! Awesome!

litigation, litigation, litigation
mafia! mafia! mafia!

High school drop outs, to write you must read. Ready for some quotes from Mr. Hughes' reading? Wow! Are you all nuts, or what? Screw-up the ATC audio, and it's off to KSHE/KLOS land. You creeps can't win, and you won't admit it. Excuse me, mafia(s), I suppose I'm a criminal for wanting what is mine. Are they bringing those nukes back? Not yet?

QUOTABLE QUOTES & Snide Responses

"The depression is over."
- Herbert Hoover

FDR lengthened the depression? I guess the Hindenburg didn't crash. Did grandma do that "job?" Toasted, they were. Pass the butter soldier, as your wasteful butt is in a jam. Oh the non-humanity! (when under the Cuckoo Dish too long). Hey Noory, what if I called, you big jackass. Don't you know some jerk with Missouri .gov saved our e-mail exchange?

"George and I knew that anything could happen, but we certainly didn't expect anything like that" [9/11].
- Laura Bush

Laura, I feel your pain.

"America cannot be great if we go broke."
- Alan Simpson

Alan, I'm so sick of seeing rich old folks and assorted aged mafia, here is my suggestion. How about a five percent (5%) CUT in Social Security Retirement checks? (where's that healthy girl with the little headphones? Duck! Get down! Everybody down!)

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind."
- Kent Conrad (D)

Kent, that's what my family called a, "No brainer." I thought "Tip" and Ronnie fixed it all a long time ago. "Lock box?" Where's my tool box, a-hole? Has everybody gone nuts? You can't just print 600 billion more in 100 dollar bills, but don't you know they will. Where's the good cocaine? Oh no, it's not for me.

"It's not a proposal I could support."
- Jan Schakowsky (D)

Is that called an "understatement?" Is the FOX NEWS van out front? Not yet?

"[Oakland police] really roust the people and treat them badly. They felt helpless."
- John L. Burris

Widely shared local wisdom: "Don't run to the police, don't run from the police." Governor Moonbeam, you've got a problem, and I'm not lecturing about how I could do a better job. It's a waste of my time. May I run for president now?

"Having actors be little puppets for you is pretty amazing."
- Eva Mendes

Eva, did you see the soundgirl with her big windscreen? Hanging around sucking on a red straw? Not allowed on my set! Not allowed!

"One of government's purposes is to have a humanitarian side."
- Nick Taylor

Really? C'mon nutjobs, say it again. Push the button? I'm putting you in a cell, and eating the code to the door.

"You put the geeks on the left, and the stalkers on the right, and you run for daylight up the middle."

- William Shatner

Is that Bill getting into politics, too? He's got political advice that works, doesn't he? I've known he's correct since entering the Republic of California on 05.05.08. Cosmic! Not really you idiot, because my engineers always show the boss how your little magic show works. Oh, you didn't know that? Go to jail! Go to hell! Do you think Nimoy has the mothership parked on the Paramount lot? Sorry, I just can't help you.

CORPORATE MISSION STATEMENT OF THE DAY
"Baker Hughes provides reservoir consulting, drilling, pressure pumping, formation evaluation, completion and production projects and services to the worldwide oil and gas industry."

FROM ROYAL INTERPRETIVE SERVICES, LLC
First, why do the "crazies" at abovetopsecret.com lead the great Hughes to that fish & chips wrapper worthy New York Times article by Mr. Lichtblau dated November 13, 2010 on what I've been saying since, oh, that banner year of 2001? Extreme badguy Nazis snuck-in with rocket scientists after WWII? Shocked, so shocked I am! More shocking is that Latin American nations care, and "we" don't. I'm wrong? The big Pinochet fry was "off" because the jackass died. No Nazis in Canada? Liberal moose breath, they'll kill you and toss your politically perfect corpse in Lake Superior, and I'm not the only one who warns of this, but I unfortunately have claim to most of the real hard currency type money in the free world.

Excuse me for living.

Are you twits going the the "Lutheran SS" run for the shitter dinner? Toyota 4 Runner? Nice Lexis? "Robo-Skinny" is taking down your plate numbers for the new Sheriff, don't you know? On to the corp-speak analysis. "Reservoir consulting," a la Reservoir Dogs? As my crack-selling character in hughes screenplay #8 says, "Uh huh." "Drilling," it has been uncomfortably imparted to me, is mafia-speak for shooting firearms at people, and possibly, if "The Price is Right," killing them. "Pressure pumping" I grasp due to someone who used the word "pumping" as a synonym for "interrogating." "Formation evaluation" is like a football term, eh? I've long said I am the spycatching linebacker. You must watch the idiots and see their play develop before laughing so hard at them, it deters them from whatever they are "trying to pull." Who needs firearms when moving among the grossly unskilled? Completion and production projects? It's been a long while I've known it is hard to complete a sentence with a spy in the house. As for projects, the recall of my 6th grade science project (an oil derrick and the Earth's crust) had me ready for possibly First Degree Assault. Manslaughter Two?

As mom said, "We shall see what we shall see."

A Question/A List

In the 1990's, did I prefer watching Friends, or.....

cooking brussel sprouts? Ladies and gentlemen, it's BRUSSEL SPROUTS by a wide margin, and broccoli we won't talk about until BUSH 41 is all aboard the great UFO in the sky. I promise.

THE LIST

[Today's category from Scottsdale is: "Hollywood actresses who've been in the news filing for divorce, or are recently divorced, with kid or kids"]

SARAH JESSICA PARKER*

KATE WINSLET*

CHRISTINA AGULIERA*

SANDRA BULLOCK

BRITTANY SPEARS*

HALLE BERRY

COURTNEY COX*

*Indicates the actress has been seen in near-proximity to me, William C. Hughes. I'm not Howard's grandson? GET REAL! Get off SSI! Get a damn job if you can! What's my excuse? I'm blacklisted, dummy!

Confronting the Music & Movie Mafia

"Secret" bus stops? Secret Cisco Wi-Fi? Lots of taxable sales, uh, like more than Ventura, Simi Valley, Oxnard, or any burg in the county? They've got shopping centers, movie theatres, civic centers, and so forth, too. New cars? They flock to "T.O." Don't you love the 14 point type CA Temp Plate in the front windshield? Why not shoot me from one of your new luxury cars, mafia, and run away? Policeman does not react unless he sees it. Oh, it's due to something that goes back to the glory days of HUGHES AIRCRAFT COMPANY, is it not? Oh shit! He figured it all out! I was supposed to, you spyin' moron.

Hey dropout, learn the words EGALITARIAN & MERITOCRACY and you shall understand me, William Charles Hughes, Howard's grandson. Fooled Again is one of my no longer for sale screenplays, but it is also what happened in New Hampshire when a procession of single-engine planes were taking off from the cozy little airport up the hill from Tony's place and flying west. Finally, on the way to the food coop [still got my card] I saw yet another aircraft, plus JACK NICHOLSON'S nutty face, so that was "it," and I threw-in the towel. Against better judgement, I figured, "Go to Hollywood, get a crappy job, and try to slip 'em a screenplay."

Very unoriginal, I'll be the first to admit, but I was tired of chasing away nukes like St. Patrick chased snakes out of my 50% native Ireland, not to mention getting run off the road by guys with crew cuts and pretty girlfriends. My BUTA crew remembers the joke, of course. "Hey, when state police regularly gun their engine and get on the highway in front of you, not behind the in-focus Focus, what's the worry?" As Gomer Pyle said, "Gooolly..." Maybe you "Get off the freeway, get off the freeway" types got some inaccurate dossiers, too.

Oops! Ever heard of the Tarasoff case from...where? Right here in the Third World Republic at the University of California - Berkeley. Beautiful! Oh Captian, oh Commander, you may indeed be going to jail. Yes, you are. Lawyer? I mainly need the law clerks, really, as the King knows what you've done. Oxford or Cambridge for the not gonna use it much law degree? What say 'ye Harry? Nice looking chick 'ya got there, William. May I melt the Eiffel Tower now? Burn down Ottawa? Not yet? Excuuuuuse me for living.

Somebody may have figured out what I told Hollyscummytown a long time ago. That being, the big bucks are in MY story, not the happy little Jimmy Stewart movie ending scripts I wrote. Didn't I at least comprehend that one quick at the 911 bughouse as I said, "He'll look better than me" (in the inevitable movie and/or "Home Hologram")? [Don't I suddenly love the disparate signals of Honolulu, Denver, & Chicago ATC + KLOS & KSHE? "Coincidence?" Big Pharma's antispychotic pills await you, numbskull]

The remaining question is regarding whether I retain creative control while hollering "No money for mafias or militaries!" Cut off, like mean drunks they are, be I dead or alive. mafia! mafia! Did I not read of Frank Zappa foisting not so good albums on Warner Brothers? Did I not chat with Mr. Neil Young about the same thing? Did I have the disrespect to finger Trans and Reactor as the crappy albums in question? He said it, I didn't, but would polite, big fan Hughes say such things? ["Heart of Gold" on KLOS, right on cue. Does Soldier Boy want a POTUS who could fight a real war like this? Oh yes he does, and governor, you are not all that]. No, you're not, and I'd better not have to do that, but the King knows when the kingdom be attacked (for real) you do what yo gotta do.

May I buy the WB? May I buy Time Warner? [Jimmy Fallon does sound like Young, doesn't he?] Aw, c'mon, I've got to be young enough to say, should I "make it," from behind the Sure SM-57's, "Aw, drat, we're being nuked, but not really. Gotta go." Can you see the video? I'm a professional bachelor, so can I at least have some easy on the eyes Secret Service girls run for the airplane I won't use much? Don't you know if you could get away with that, with them, Bill Clinton would have done it. He did?

Don't tell me that!

Later, The H-town "Recently Divorced With Kid List"

I've called them "The M&M's," meaning Mafia & military. And, I don't just mean U.S. Military, because son, you have not had a mean-assed Chinese .mil spook staring at you like he wants to kill you, when he certainly does. Have you? Did two Chinese spygirls fall out of their In Out Burger chairs laughing when I said, to my cupped hands, from across a crowded, noisy restaurant, "These damn soldier boys are rotten all over the world, yours too!" Yes, they did, but I must be "bipolar," or "schizophrenic," or "OCD," when you do not even know what the f*** you are talking about.

May I crash a plane and hit my head? No? What the hell is this?

Memory. Recovered memories. You, whoever you are, can't beat mine. Yes, I'm still looking out the window seat somewhere over, or rather near O'Hare, wondering, aviation lights in face, "Why are those planes so close?" [Insert gentle bump here] Where is the "stewardess," now "Flight Attendants?" [May I say, "I'm too old for this shit!"] She is standing right next to me, waiting for any "maybe he's scared" statement that could have been used against me at the most conveniently located Illinois psychiatric facility.

Whores packed into the hotel? No go. Drink in the hotel bar full of whores? No way! My "computer expert" was smoking pot on a Chicago streetcorner for lunch the next day? Some "training." No tokes for me, but that did not make the 1977 modem or computer work right, though William V always does the right thing. MY OWN HUGHES AIRCRAFT EMPLOYEE WORKED "UNDERCOVER" TO FIRE ME ILLEGALLY? "Ned" was pissed; I drove home confused and dejected to 6th Street in St. Chuck, thanks to a buddy's Chevy, because spies have vandalized my cars my whole freakin' life. Where is Richardson? His son? His nephew? His ex-wife? Don't those spooks hate photos, but you can't keep mine without Civil War 2.0, and you dumb asses know it.

KORD in Chicago, thanks for the Delta traffic that reminded me of that story.

And, what "trouble" is Hughes the torture victim causing today? 5...4...3...2...1...

The drama continues, when gray AUDI 6's chase dark colored HONDA CIVIC's near the "Home of the Black Audi 6," and for Topper's Pizza, a Black TOYOTA CELICA drove by. At least y'all are not behaving like Mexican Drug Lords, who are "shooting" for about 20 assassinated mayors by the end of 2010. Did I really predict this stuff in my (c)2006, (c)2007, (c)2008, (c)2009, (c)2010 Gangster Nation? And, did I not predict this violence would spill over to the USA? Yes, I did, and I'd hate to be right--again.

May I return to the Truman Presidential Library, in case shooting starts, and it is not my new movie? Did I just see a famous Hollywood actor walk by? Stand by, while I make sure he's still alive and it's not another "spy trick." Holy Toledo! He's 85 years young, and would I name names? Maybe if you mess with me more, but what do I know that the entire worldwide intel community does not already know? No hints! Except the movie he was in that made me even more interested in aviation and movies premiered in 1970.

Could all "jail-worthy" Missourians stop yelling, "Bipoloar, and off his meds!" Thanks. Quiet on the set! And, was it ever DELL 755 difficult to type-up my plane crash scene, especially on the heels of investigating another famous air disaster and muttering, "Four minutes out? Why didn't you just turn around?" Uh, LAX and all ships at sea, I'm not the sharpest math knife in the drawer, but I can add & subtract. This causes me to, particularly when I know the 'lil airport well, wonder who are you calling on a damn cell phone during all the time before takeoff? Numbers, numbers, numbers...like 12:27 from trouble to no radar. That bears no resemblance to the way our allegedly monolithic "Liberal Media" reported it.

<cough, cough> That won't work. You should fear a potential POTUS Hughes, idiots, because legal troubles (like yours) will not be solved by more damnable spying & lying. Smoking pot, are we? Who do you think you are, Robert Mitchum? Don't get the joke?

read someone else's stupid blog.

Conrad Con Job/Konrad's Rules

I don't seem to be in a booth reviewing archived video with a little read-out counting down tenth of seconds, but "we" have some questions, like where did the cop go? This is an old question. And, now that I've finally found a pic with John Hinckley in it, I have to wonder why this also ties-in with the previously noted "NBC Umbrella," and very colorful it was. Does anyone wonder, as do I, why the about to tape assassination video crew is apparently posing like smirking idiots right before the shooting starts? And, don't I love oil boy Hinkley's pudgy face over the NBC guy's right shoulder? Sir, what's in your Navy blue jacket? Slightly over 30 years later, Hughes wants to know. What's my joke, Letterman? "GE, we bring good things to death."

NO COMMENT

Oh, the stories I have for sale, and you're getting them for free? I must be "nuts." Let's go back, back in time, to the Summer of 2008 and the not so nice VICTORIA HOTEL, right off the 101. Mobsters having sex downstairs? As Dr. Schwarz would say, kind of "Speedy Gonzales," right girls? At least that kept them occupied. Local thugboys signaled, "Though your dong be long, you'd better get out of here!" Yes, sir, but who did I see at checkout time? A big, vile drug spy with a young guy I thought might be my own son, because once upon a time I was stupid enough to believe Amazon Girl stories about birth control methods. In that era, AIDS was for Africa, not Upstate New York.

One Hep C scare later, and it was thoroughly rational to wonder after the 06/2007 HH revelation, if "they" might try to steal a baby off me. Would they? There in the lot of the V-Hotel was a guy who looked like a plausible "lost" son. He was with a person the Concord, New Hampshire police spokesperson called, "The Wicked Witch of the West." I cursed. I complained to my BUTA'ed Ford Focus. I retreated to a Ralph's parking lot, and there I just about cried, because it's not nice to steal babies from trillionaires. This isn't a Lindbergh case, however, so simple reasoning told me, if the kid had my DNA, I'd be dead.

mafia! mafia! So, imagine my surprise when, and a double-whammy it was, I saw a photo of Conrad Hughes Hilton. "E gads, lovie, somebody from that family took my last name as a middle name?" Shazam! Don't we all love that Soldier Boy's Internet, because Mr. Hilton was the young guy in the Victoria Hotel lot with my wicked witch. Yes, "Charlie knew places, William knows faces." Did I not promptly send a letter to the great Paris Hilton, warning of drug entrapment schemes, spy whores, and so forth? Yes, I did. And, how the hell could I have later discovered putting the wrong Zip Code on the letter when it was 90210? Never mind the mind control, it likely got there anyway, to allege I'm a kook, a stalker, I hate capitalism like Howard did, etc.

The next one was addressed correctly, but the Hiltons apparently got rid of thier palatial HQ. What did I say? Oh, I've got a neo-Nazi, new world disorder detested photocopy somewhere. And, an accessible fact is, I like Holiday Inn Express, so when I read mean old Conrad had disinherited Paris, I figured I'd buy Intercontinental Hotels someday and give it to the Hilton girls, so they would have something productive to do with their lives. The "catch?" A Hughes "Spy-Free Guarantee." Catch any hotel staff spying, and your stay is on the house.

Reluctantly, I'll admit Paris & Nicky can probably catch them, too. I'm not the only spycatcher out here, but I'm the only one with a Conrad spelled Konrad in Zurich, Switzerland lying his Germanic ass off, to wit: "Vee vill conduct zee investigation, but vee must follow zee rules." That was two years ago, Konrad. Rules? This is all "Dark Side" stuff, right? No? May I have control of my "Grav Wave Cannon" that hit my later wrecked by Russians car after I exited the concentric circles of spies, drug thugs, and soldier boys hard at work in attempting to "get" the Hughes & Hilton clans.

Don't think so, you morons.

Hi Oh, Tower(s)!

Hi oooh [CRASH-ZZZZZIT-PHHHIT]...are we still on the Internet? Hello? Seems I was so pissed today, I scooted to the east side of my favorite public building, because I thought the guy who might help was "Just Another Thug From LA." Isn't that an old Zappa album? Is The Economist keeping me sane? Yes. Is it an English publication distributed out of Saint Louis, Missouri? Yes. Of all the gin joints in the.....

Word Press blog no workee? Welcome to the new, as soon as I get around to it, HUGHES FOR WARD ENFORCER.blogspot.com site. Mountain View, can you keep from peeing in your pants?May I listen to ATC audio? May I defecate indoors? May I keep trying to sell my intellectual property? May I curse at drugboys, thugboys, gayboys, and threaten to invade Mexico if I made president? Thanks. I think they might already be worried in Lima, and I'm not talking about Lima beans, as smart munitions just keep getting smarter, and that may have something to do with the price, not of eggs, but of a gram of cocaine. Did I mention I hate that stuff? How about 2-3 thousand dollars a gram under the Hughes Administation? You might quit your habit, because son, I'm not playing out here.

What did I shockingly find out last evening, and it's why I will not campaign for anything but a movie deal out of Thousand Oaks, California? First, that the local high school grads will indeed sneak up on my open notebook and try to read it while I am in the restroom with no mirror, of course. Ready for this, America? Hughes decided to "teach class" as punishment for peeking at the notebook. Are you sitting down, teacher? Five of five 18 year-olds did not know who won the U.S. presidential election in 1976. That's right, they had never heard of Jimmy Carter.

Moving on to 1980, and perhaps more "amazing," in a bad way, only one of five knew of former California Governor Ronald Reagan's new job following his Sacramento gig. Had they heard of Howard? Only via The Aviator, and I'll swear in any court that when I took off my hat, pulled back my hair, and gave them the real version of that DiCaprio on the DVD box look, they all scampered out the door. Not scared, but possibly convinced.

Recent history? They had heard of 9/11, but not one had cracked the cover of a 9/11 Commission Report, which I recommeded they read. What did I say in late 2004 and early 2005? "My book will be lucky to be published by the 10th anniversary." Ancient history? How about Watergate? It's a street in Westlake Village, right? Mouths wide open as I found out they did not know about Gerald Ford's short duty as president, nor that Sprio Agnew resigned over stuff all politicians do today, except me. Hell, according to most CA kooks, with my pot farms, LSD labs, meth enterprise, and freighters full of cocaine, why ask for "dibs," or a "cut" on lousy road contracts? Nelson Rockefeller? They never knew he was pressed into Vice President duty, but they knew he was a rich guy--natch. Vice Presidency vacant twice, and the world did not end? I guess you had to be there and see the look on diverse faces of our West Coast multi-cultural Hitler Youth. I said, by way of constitutional explanation, "When Agnew resigned, Nixon appointed Ford. When Nixon resigned, Ford appointed Rockefeller."

Did any horseflies fly into those open mouths, principal of Thousand Oaks High? Not that I saw. Whew! I didn't dare tell them grandpa's million bucks started the whole thing, or they might have called the cops. Too late, kids, as I think Howard may have tipped-off security guards at the Watergate to look for distinctive tape on the "burglary in progress" doors of the Democrats office. He helped start Interpol, which is an international police agency, not spy movie stuff, like you morons probably think. I'm "obsessive?" May I find out what kind of tape? Masking tape? Electrical tape? Duct tape? Surely not Democrat Donkey, standard issue Scotch tape! I'm fussy for detail like that.

Now don't steal more red billiard balls; there may be tiny cameras in here. And, can you big, lousy, f***ed-up, lying, worthless, maybe not entirely human assho-es stop continually making me wonder where stuff ran off to, like NTSB AAB-02-02? "Just go straight ahead...doesn't make any difference what direction that is. Just go straight ahead."

Tower, those are words to live by.

Dear Sheriff:

I swore I was not entering the Go Bell Computer Lab until sundown, but when yet another person who is not going to help in any meaningful way said, "Good luck," I figured I'd better fight back the only way available at the present time. My blogs are going to split in three, and this time I shall try to stick to it. This is the humor blog, the Word Press blog is going to "morph" into "beyond Coast to Coast A.M." strange, and a new Google blog is only to be used for serious, I'm really, really running for president blogging.

What happened in Iowa last time? 1) A big, white, unmarked bus was in front of my Motel 6, much like Lohan's Herbie trucks making me late for work at CHESTNUT HEALTH SYSTEMS in Granite City, Illinois, where "they" do not want me in the policeman's very public records <ahem, ahem> because I can toss you in jail, whereas I've done nothing "jail-worthy," try as all of VC County's scumbucket fake homeless may, every day; 2) At the Iowa Secretary of State's office, there was talk of "papers" and civil commitment, as I asked for info on the caucus process and got precious little; 3) I was chased down side streets, just like in a spy movie; 4) Barack Obama's negroes came pouring out of the Des Moines Obama for President office, and I wondered, "How do they know I'm here?" as they talked on their inevitable cell phones in the parking lot; 5) Three Verizon trucks drove by at the appointed time for my assassination that did not occur, as I browsed at ALDI'S, the 'po folks grocery store; 6) Mean-looking bikers pulled out and drove their Harleys in front of me, as I again wondered, "Do they know who I am, too? How do they know that?"; 7) During a rather obvious "diversion" at the Motel 6 front desk, I thought, "Somebody's going to steal something," but too late! There went a car bearing TEXAS plates with a set of "People for the Real Deal" FEC papers, and don't y'all know I put them out as "bait?" Itty-bitty cameras in there? "They'll leave the video on for 'ya," right, "Tom Bodine?" Sure they will, and be glad if at their newer properties, they don't poison the tap water.

Oh, my! New Hampshire was a whole other story, and now, it's such fun spending time with mafia(s) and every Hispanic & Asian in the Republic of California, but we don't talk too much, in keeping with local organized crime tradition. Yes, tense it is in the Computer Lab today, as I shocked "The Borg" by daring to listen to an entire Baker Hughes (BHI) replay of their conference call board meeting this morning. Of the callers on the air at B-H (Is my name Bill Hughes? It is, and "No," you cannot see the MO I.D. any more), I judge Mr. "David Anderson" of J.P. Morgan as the only real person, meaning no alias or "spy message" fake name.

Always an "inside joke" based on BUTA intel, as with "Bugged Up The Ass." I've long said I'm so adept at "Bum Budgeting" in single and double digits, just add (many) zeroes! So nutcases, what did the little computer voice say? "Not enough digits" (in the replay code #). Just as I thought "Here we go again," IT WORKED, and by the way, YOU'RE ALL FIRED!

What's next on hughesforgovernorin28days.wordpress.com? Oh, maybe "food code" from MPC (Metropolitan Psychiatric Center) circa 1998-2000, or perhaps I will solve another air disaster, but no one will care. How about one in North Carolina, where the crew circled around thunderstorms twice, then figured, "We're late for dinner," or a call girl, perhaps, and MUSH, down they went, killing all aboard. Even I know the #1 aviation rule of, "Don't be in a hurry." Or, how about that one where the crew was discussing Hillary Clinton's attractiveness, or lack thereof, and CRUNCH--you're all dead.

Whew! Last Friday, I really read hughes screenplay #8 aloud, and a fanmag told me Ms. Jolie is: a) Now directing a movie; and b) She's a screaming bitch on the set. You go girl, since I cannot. (Something about worldwide mafia! mafia!) Hey, Angela! I could only find one problem, and one problem that is not a problem. The problem was, Rupert's jet starts crashing, then there are too many scenes before it nose dives onto a Malibu beach. And, I've discussed burning a real airplane, if permits can be secured from the "everything causes cancer" crowd. The problem that is not a problem is, two acts are spent getting to know the candidate, his staff, and his family, then we alight the big horse, as all good, fast-paced movies should (right Bruckheimer?), and wow, I would not pass out barf bags, but that's a pretty good clip until the Sec......wait a minute. "I have eight fine screenplays for sale," and you all know where I am. Excuse me, I took 1-5 off the table in favor of many lawsuits, didn't I?

Anyhow, the long "getting to know you" sets up <ahem, ahem> a wonderful "tricky dick" ending, and a profitable sequel, which I refuse to write one damn word of without a contract to make a motion picture. May I take another breath? May I like my own work? (It is work, Cuckoo-Birds). How about a Lincoln Memorial lit up at night as the president himself wants scoop from my Mark Felt-like leaker. This sample is WGA-registered and copyrighted, so be sure to steal it:

(Full house in the Go Bell Computer Lab for this.....drama!.....drama!)

[SCRIPT SAMPLE HAS BEEN DELETED BY POPULAR DEMAND OF THE VENTURA COUNTY COMPUTER HACKING MENTALLY ILL. ready for DSM-V-R?] 11.17.10

I am.

Yipes! Every spy in the world wants the next line, but you must pay for it. So sorry, but not, because I need money, just like you rich nutcases up in Westlake. Don't you want real Chinese jets roaring over the South American jungle in #9, as "Bob," the president's National Security Advisor shouts to "Connie," the very unlikely, but you don't know dick about spying CIA Station Chief, something like "What the f*** are they doing here?" And, she yell s over the jet noise, "They don't like this s***!" What ever are the characters talking about? Hundreds of native costumes? Drums? Earth-moving equipment? Lots and lots of plywood? LASERS & stuff? Permits to set a river on fire? "What is he doing down there?" the studio's Jewboys will ask. "Send someone down there! He's spending too much money!" Don't try it, because the natives might like me, and have poison darts & stuff.

Didn't think about that, did you?

Hey kids, it's STS-107, launched on 01.16.03. As the National Transportation and Safety Board can see (NTSB), I'm able to bold the type and/or say "Ten Seven (spy) up on One Six (extra spooky spy) Zero Three." Q: How many adult & non-idiot direct descendants to Howard's money at the time of this launch? A: Three.

What happened again last evening? A Hollywood face drove by in a Honda Civic, dark in color (Right Lane) chased by the soon to be RPG'ed AUDI 6 (Gray) and was "crissy-crossed" by thugs in a Volvo Wagon (White) hollering at me, Mr. William Charles Hughes. One more lawsuit to prepare, Jeeves. That's the way I look at it. The Hollyscummywood star's identity? Hints For Free: She's split with her younger husband, is in her late 40's, and I had a mental health client by the same last name. Oh, the HIPAA drama (but not). How about Joe & Mary at Rosary High School and Lindenwood College? Giveaway Clue: We covered the St. Charlietown City Council together, because Hughes knew how to set-up the antenna (go figure) and give all of the dumb-assed councilpersons their very own microphone. (It's called a mixer, and I brought an extra one from the vast inventory of FBC Sound).

Never had the St. Charles City Council sounded so good on KCLC-FM, and what was I supposedly really doing, according to Grammy-winning a-holes Fagan & Becker of Steely Dan? Uh, (the aviation "uh"), they were recording "Kid Charlamagne" and it was supposed to be me selling lots of LDS. You believed that crap? Welcome to President Hughes' vast prison-building program, illegal snitches. Secret police? What ever are you talking about, "Puzzle Boy?" Psychic? No, but I did say to Mr. Spamuels, regarding Charlamagen, "That song creeps me out." As for "Katy Lied," I suspected foul/fowl play there as well, but we shall discuss it in courtrooms, not behind the GSAD (Goebel Senior Adult Center).

After the star drive-by, and my sermon @ Janss & Hwy 23, did I really see the Black Porsche 911 again? Yes, followed by a BMW Z-4, or are the Krauts up to 5 by now? Not on your butt, girl, were they? Who were "they" in the gray BMW? Did you all read Gangster Nation for free? Good for you. Did you like the story of kiddos white in color smoking crack right in front of Kaldi's Coffee in Clayton, Missouri from the front seat of their BMW Z-3? Fellahs, don't complain about this sort of thing to your drug-selling/drug-snitching CIA, because they get mighty indignant as the ones and zeroes roll on at the National Security Agency (NSA), Southwestern Bell, Verizon, and all of the fiber optics in-between, and don't argue with me, because I already discussed this with the friendly "Verizon Man" the first time I tried to run for president.

Ah, using that AT&T 710 model phone, though a coiled-wire artifact from Janet Reno's Roaring 90's, I could hear the spygirl's jeans moving across the fabric of an office chair provided by a certain private security firm. Son, always know when the girl is squirming, if 'ya get what I mean. Spying? Me? No, it's merely a question of when are these bitches going to prison? Drive around "T.O." all of you want, Hollywood, and you sure look good doing it, but it is looking to me like Howard made movies and had no time to bother with the presidency, whereas I may be the other way around. Movies? Why am I doing a read-through of Six(6) South all by myself? Big help you all are. I might not desire to have sexual intercourse with you through the use of another man's penis. Cuckoo Christians, did I clean that old neighborhood expression up enough? May I take the weekend off? Oh, that's right...I don't have a job.

Go to hell.