Chuck Roast

Hughes, you're doing so well in the simulator, why don't you.....flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop...


The "P.T. Hoosier" is what they call it in The Loo. What is a "hoosier" to St. Louisians? Join me in Iowa and New Hampshire, and I'll try to hold sociology class and explain it. I'm a politician now (I think), so I promise to at least try. BONUS QUICK STORY: How about that gal in front of the Manchester, NH public Library in 2008 with the large [CENSORED] who came out on her cell phone, and I'd swear in any court it went like this: "Oh my God! My roommates were driving me crazy, so I came to the library and...oh my God! He's standing right here! No shit! He's right here! On the library steps!"

So you want to talk about the National Security Agency, eh? Why don't we instead talk about the old Army joint over on Goodfellow, where PHIL, or RICK, or whatever his name was, managed to hit an aspirin factory instead of Osama. Ho, ho, ho! Who reportedly gobbled aspirin by the handful? Why? Ouch! Plane crashes hurt your head, right Yeager? The Wallflowers song is called "The Difference," and my U.S. Army sniper-dude next door, plus that pooping dog, never cleaned-up the Turner property Mazda Miata Air Force kook on the "other side" both knew I wanted to use it in a campaign commercial, didn't they? What does "IG" stand for? Never mind.

All was fair in love and spy games I don't play until I got to Cali-fornia, where I got mean and decided Jacob Dylan is going to jail. The prospective POTUS "difference?" H INTEL Q: "How many flies are on his camel's butt?" No more, "We don't know where Osama is." Oddly helpless they are, when a fellow IHOP cook told me about old-fashioned lens from space photography in 1972. Today, I call it "Total Physiological Monitoring" (TPM). No, it does not stand for "Toilet Paper Military," but if I got there, they'd maybe not even have a full roll on the base, and I am not talking "spy talk." Like a mean drunk, it's time to cut-off all money to the Pentagon.

Here they come! I can see them. I can hear them. "We're going to get attacked!!!" I'd say, "No, I just got off the phone with them." "A-rabs are coming!!!" "No, I know the King from way back." Terrorists! "Homeland" terror like 9/11 again? "Nah, those are my old 'friends', and as your 'nice guy' president, I'll kill their asses if they try to pull that sort of crap again."

Chuck, you just don't have those kind of potential problems, nor are you & your boys/girl "homeless." However, you do seem to control "DAVE/STARMAN/VAPOR LOCK/DTS DRIFTER" + "KEN/NICK/KENT" + "RAYTHEON GIRL" a.k.a. "PORKY PIG" + "PUZZLE BOY." Poor old truly homeless me? Well, I'm only trying to: a) Make a movie; b) Build a rocket with the "Delta III/IV Man," and c) Run for president. Short on full names, are we? Mine is WILLIAM CHARLES HUGHES. Ah, yes. What's for lunch?

CHICKEN BROCCOLI ALFREDO/PEAS/SALAD BAR