Cottage Cheese, or 5300 Arsenal Cottage?

How is it that tabloids and fan blogs are more informative than the mainstream media? Fussing, girls? Hughes is there for both of you, but not at the same time, if you get what I mean, fellahs.

KMOX radio personality JIM WHITE used to call it "STP," and I don't have it, but after contemplating the fact an old "negative nabnob" in the Missouri State Manual finally got promoted, here's my "imaginary e-mail," as if I still labored for the gov'nah:

"You are Jim Mitchell's boss now? I must editorialize, because from what I know about Jim (MPC circa 1999), this is a bit like Bob McCullough as my supervisor at BJC BEHAVIORAL HEALTH - NORTH SITE. Into the LINDA QUAN/TERRI GILBERT funhouse I went, and believe it or not, I've entertained myself in California by doing Pat Hummert imitations from the days when I was a Mental Health Coordinator and Pat would call the office with material like this: "Hughes, I got one for 'ya. He pulled a gun, and I took it away, but when we went in for his Prolixin shot, he ran out of the St. John's Doctors Building, I couldn't catch him, and Dr. Manglesdorf doesn't care."

To which I would say, "Couldn't catch him, eh? You're getting old, Pat. Better come in and fill-out an affidavit." Yes, the man was legendary on Olive for getting locked-in to catch up on his progress notes, and I did feel his pain. As a MHC, I'd have to follow-up, because Pat would not show, and when I'd call him, he'd inevitably say, "Oh, that guy? He's in the hospital." So, I'd fish through SHIRLEY LATTIMORE's paperwork pile, pull the documents out, and yessiree, JAY NIXON, the case was closed without so much as a call to Rick Modde.

Inquiring minds should wonder who was on drugs in 2 East, because when I went down there to "help out," the "other" social worker always seemed to have quit, Jim could not be found, and the psychiatrists down there were like the Mafia, in that they didn't say much. Without so much as a Greg Nichol son, or daughter, I'd wander with clipboard in hand until a smart-assed nurse told me of the new admission. 2 East was where I learned what a f---buddy is, per a patient who strutted through my neighborhood in hot pants post-discharge, but TONY CUNEO lived nearby, and I figured she was looking for him.

This is not to say I never found Jim, but he'd always say something weird and go to lunch, when I declined dining opportunities with lovely DR. LAURA, more than once, perhaps proving I do need my head examined. Moving to the dmhWatch.org website era, Jim wrote me bitter e-mail, proving once more to all bureaucrats that toadies will pester you long after the job is axed by the governor."


[CHRONOLOGICAL NOTE: dmhWatch.org preceded AbolishTheCIA.org, and I never did thank all Missouri DMH watchers for the 200+ e-mails, filled with news of patient abuse, do-nothing employees (including no-show & get paid), rampant cronyism, the usual bureaucratic numbskull tales, and, though I did not get it at the time, allegations of illegal spying. Leave it to a real spygirl to say, regarding the DMH-critical site, "Not enough graphics." So true].