Whew! Can You Get Any More Inhuman?

Hey, AIRBUS INDUSTRIES, I thought what I call the "Mike Meyers Movie Emergency Alarm" was sounding at the Central Intelligence Agency when I researched how helicopters fly, given Howard Hughes gave us the Apache, but how about watching "close call" videos from an Airbus 300 flight deck? Oh, I'm sure Pentagon types had their tidy white boxers & briefs twisted, as the USAF girlfriend looked stunned, and was probably thinking, "Damn! He's so close to figuring it out."

Yes, I finally did, and for all spies in the sky, terra firma, or on ships at sea, please now know cockpit video of rockin' & rollin' down a mountain range toward a rather skinny runway fighting, as my TWA cowpoke pilot put it, "Really bad wind shear," was played more than once. What I liked was the talking computer, and the sound of the airframe, plus anything that wasn't tied-down rattling. On went the lil' headphones, so I could hear what the flight crew was doing, and oh Lord, they were not talking. Why land under those conditions? Don't know; a dry fuel tank, perhaps.

Back & forth they rocked, with like, uh, mountains on either side, until the blessed WHUMP of one set of wheels was heard, which suited the pilot just fine for awhile, then a WHUMP from the other side, and when the nose gear finally WHUMPED down, all that was heard was: Whew! That got my attention, Cuckoo-Bird E.T.-chasin' Air Force, because I never got to do that.

And now, I don't want to do that, but the Tabby Cat and I are not getting out of any Mars lander, because, to paraphrase what a character said on the mind control screen, thanks to big jerks at Paramount, "Let's see what's up there," for sure, but I'd like to make it back before selling Martian condos.

Do an EVA by myself? What? Do you think I'm nuts?

This isn't torture? Our 20th century courts are open M-F, generally 8-4:30. See 'ya there!

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