Military Intelligence Bank

DEAR NSA: You all know I used to like Bill Clinton, but have you replayed any recordings lately of me saying on the tellyphone, things like, "Sell stocks?!! Bank accounts with risk? Are they nuts?" That "change" was during the Clinton Administration; look it up on Soldier Boy's Internet.

M&I BANK OF MADISON, eh? Three "Madison Moments" I've not forgotten were:

1. Sitting in front of the Bank of Madison, pre-M&I, post-job interview, watching all of the cheesehead state bureaucrats scurrying about across the street. My situation at the time? (June, 1979). The spouse was doing her "DIANE CHAMBERS"(*) impression as a barmaid a la Cheers and not liking it, I'm already wondering, two years out of the collegiate gate, why I was having so much trouble finding & keeping jobs, and I was wishing I had employment akin to the polyester and loose tie guys at the capitol. Never mind I'd end up pounding the marble at a similar domed building 20+ years later, and as for a "time warp" of the wife's crappy job preceding the Cheers television series, I shall not comment, except to say of the neighborhood crowd and college gang, we're pretty damn important, aren't we?

* Like CHAMBERS ROAD, in MOLINE ACRES, MO? That's where a 7-11 clerk hit the "panic button" on me as a "spy prank" my freshman year in college (1973), and consequently I stared down the double-barrel of a SAINT LOUIS COUNTY POLICEMAN'S shotgun. Not funny, and neither is the Obama-Mafia ongoing torture program directed against me.

2. Standing in a packed University of Wisconsin Memorial Union "TV Lounge" watching replays of President Reagan getting stuffed into his limo shot, but that's not what Mr. Network Perfect Hair was saying at the time. They weren't saying much, because the event had only occurred about 20 or 30 minutes prior to the adjournment of my U. of WI class. Nice job! Were "they" going to say I rubbed my nose, or was it the color of my pen that day (03.31.81) that supposedly was signaling "Start shooting?" United States Secret Service, I swear to God, if I make it, you will get the e-mail: "FIRED!" All of you. What was the universal Hughes signal to exit the building? Try gov'ment thugs posing as students wearing dark aviator sunglasses indoors--it's a long-running joke, but the "punchline" may be a 9-1-1 call to the D.C. Police after our "SS" have been dismissed, and that will be replayed forever, I'm sure.

You think I'm nuts? Buddy, the D.C. cops & Capitol Police have been waiting for that call since I took my AbolishTheCIA.org "awesome" photo of the U.S. Capitol in 2008. All U.S. Persons should know my life is not a Bond movie, but when you are practically driving on the sidewalk with cafe patrons fleeing, and the D.C. police are merely laughing at you, I think they might know as much as spies.

3. Combining two events into one isn't cheating, is it? "Hughes, you're goin' to jail now!" Oh yeah, for what? Perhaps the gov'ment should close all libraries, because when the H-man gets into either U.S. Government Depository Libraries or presidential libraries, it's like a proverbial hot knife through butter, isn't it? How about the Federal Bureau of Investigation stiff and Department of Justice apologist before a congressional committee in 1985 apologizing for--I believe the exact term was "overreaching"--spying on me and the spousal unit during the El Salvador slaughter and Nicaragua, "Let's have a not-so-secret war with cocaine profits" fandango.

Thanks, but you were "talking in code," or to be more specific, testifying in code. Not okay, says "WILLIE the V" in 2010. And, very unacceptable to dump the poor boy into more 1985-86 treachery with with drug intel types, Army boys, and Russian spygirls. Did we have a Hughes "fly on the wall" when Reagan & Gorby discussed that stuff? Momma said a picture was worth a thousand words, so I encourage you to get on your favorite .net search engine image-finder and look at REAGAN-GORBACHEV-BUSH photos with the Statue of Liberty featured.

It is a fact that around that time I said to the French spygirl, "Nice gift, that statue," and I've never seen anybody happier. As for the Russians, what did Ronnie & Gorby think about my, "I know she's spyin', that's why I'm going out with her" blase remarks in real-time? And now, you think you're going to come to a courtroom and say I knew of my rather unique DNA? No, you're not, and that's why I sleep under the trees and stars, instead of with movie stars, as did Howard. You've got it coming out of your ears, as we said in our youth.

In the photos to which I refer, Reagan and Gorbachev look like old high school chums, while H.W. Bush, if we could draw the cartoonist's bubble above his head, is thinking, "I'm the CIA dork here, and I don't care what these guys think, Hughes will be a Skull & Bones victim for his entire life." Oh yeah? It's another family line: "We'll see about that."

"Throw him in jail on a respirator!" That's what I holler about all potentially infirm U.S. Presidents now, and isn't it "amazing" how when I mumble threats of long Federal prison time directed to young Maf-IA types, they act right--sort of. Circling back to Madison Moments, try: A) A mamby-pamby protest march with a pack of photographers backpedaling and shooting at me and the former Mrs. Hughes. I'm so WARD CLEAVER, I actually opened the Wisconsin State Journal & Capital Times, and said, "I don't see any photos from the march, dear."

And, how about: B) The "radical" (read CIA injun') at another rally of some kind, where I turned to the lawfully wedded and said, "Look, those photographers are taking grid photos of the crowd." "No, they're not," she said. Oh yeah? A few minutes later, I said, "G----, there is a really long lens pointed at us. See him? Smile for the camera." In response to this, I got a sour look and no comment. Not to cheat and spin yet another story, but I did tell the late, great, SENATOR BILL PROXMEIER (D-WI) to "Go to hell," right to his face, and I may have called him a name that begins with "a" as well. This exacerbated baseline spousal paranoia, as she worried about being tailed by government agents, and so forth. My real-time retort was, "Dear, that was not the first time Prox has been cursed-out. I think he can take it."

ZZZZZap! Back to the future, I do know more about banking than the current administration would like from--duh--working at them. What I don't like about the ongoing scandal is the self-discovery that I was chatting in 1979-1980 with my own EDS employee at the bank, and did not know this. (Coworker Mr. Hilton can back me up, too). Later, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) sure had strange methods of updating Hughes the Janitor (1981-82) on yet another scam, and yes, I will I will thank the Los Angeles ABC 7 van crew that drove by on 06.11.10, however, the surveillance crowd crush did hear me sounding less appropriate in shouting, "Thanks, you f---ing ass-----, you won't be back tonight!"

I was right, per usual.