May I?

Old School Gangster Girl RITA RIO



Newfangled Ganster Girl SARAH PALIN

"Holy cow!" as Harry Caray often said. Was I really demonstrating what a balk is, and is not, utilizing not yet ripe peaches this a.m. as Chinese ladies did their Tai Chi? Heck, Hughes has got his own little United Nations going out here in KookLAland, while Palin came into California State University - STANislaus and talked bull excrement. Who needs this stuff? Does she get paid for it? My STAN'S DONUTS cost 50 cents, a substantial markdown from OTC prices. As a wise man said in 1996, "Hughes, it's bad out here!" Bad? Don't tell me Watergate was worse, because I saw the movie, and early 70's shenanigans pale in comparison. It's something about computers, satellites, swimmin' pools, and movie stars, isn't it? Where's my JANE HATHAWAY, before I, as the Bluesman says, "Lose my cool."

Don't believe me? To the diary we go:

06.26.10

10:28 a.m [REDACTED DUE TO TOP SECRETS, like girls, girls, girls, dancin' on the Sunset stri.....what? You talkin' to me?]

12:07 p.m.

That's the good news--JUSTIN #4 tromping over the cloverleaf at 3:00 a.m. or so was not. For the record, here are the JUSTIN'S:

1. LUTHERAN CHURCH SELLING A BIKE FOR $15 JUSTIN.

2. GAMBLING BY PHONE/ARRESTED & JAILED FOR ARSON JUSTIN.

3. BIG MARCHING TO & FROM THE LIBRARY JUSTIN.

4. "MO-MO MONSTER" JUSTIN.

Of course, Mo-Mo Justin was the one on the cloverleaf. Quick Hughesian exit it was to GOEBEL, and out front, there was the CHP, pulling over the quintessential "suspicious looking van" right in front of me. Am I famous yet, to the point where, as with Obama, there will be vanloads of Nazi skinheads riding around heavily armed looking to kill me?

Not me, c---sucker, and don't you know, an airplane so fancy the French only made six of them flew over my head at 3:28 a.m. when I reached a sort of safe spot. 'Ya made six, and I know two of the owners?

ATTN: Creepy Boeing Chicago fat white males, may I run for president, please?

Thanks.