Emergency Etymology

Etymology: alteration of Middle English chavel, from Old English ceafl; akin to Middle High German kivel jaw, Avestan zafar- mouth

- Mirriam Webster, "Jowel" Definition #3

"RAY" seems to be an awfully important name in the spying trade, but my "Ray" who passed the clues was clearly not up to his job, and lasted as my "White World" boss for just under a year. Then came "no vac," anther popular surname, like ROBERT NOVAK, who got intel-irritated, then died. This happens too often, but no one listens to me.

My Ray spoke of "bowels" in distress. Can't make it to the loo? It might not be "IBS," it could be the ISS, as in my International Space Station and those "micro-gravity lab" fields. We'll get to how I intend to embargo the space station, unlike some in Congress who want to let it burn-up. How rude! Yet I must say tempting, because I missed the CIA Spykid party held to celebrate the SKYLAB flameout. Something about W-O-R-K; an activity I had to undertake in financing a college education, unlike my lame dorm-buddies who would lie around, smoke pot, get drunk, screw rich girls, and try to call dictator IDI AMIN on the telephone.

Now there is apparently oil in modern-day Uganda, so maybe...

Maybe we should consider three FACTS:

1. This William and Prince William have the same damn nose.
2. How about the top half of my face? Like those Howard Hughes eyes, girls? Howard's dimples? Got a full set.
3. And, to paraphrase an old neighborhood expression, with thanks to Ray, "Check the jowels!" As with mine, and those of KING WILLIAM IV, pictured above.

"Uh, London, we've got a problem."

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