646.9/1708.7

How does Hughes "Go viral?" No, no, no, we're not talking about Internet fame, it's when I've accepted your "White Trash City" foodstuff's and gotten, oh, maybe two, three, four viruses in me simultaneously. Take your favorite analgesic and drink lots of water. [Practicing medicine! Let's get him! We've got that bastard now!]

Homeless in Ventura County, Cali-fornia? Is it too rude to say, "You're f***ed?" How to alleviate your problem of no porcelain to pee in? Trust Hughes to, as Peter Frampton sang, "Show You the Way," as follows: a) Hold up a stupid cardboard sign pleading for cash until a moronic security guard with no police power messes with you; b) Cop a plea of "crazy" with the Social Security Administration and, "Get a check!" (Did I predict this when Bill Clinton ended "welfare" as we knew it? Yes, I did.; c) Sell illegal drugs, for fun & profit.

Who's "available" to help, Steph? The LUTHERAN SS, and here's the VC/TO schedule:

M:::LUTHERAN (K)LOS ARBY'S ROAST

T::::NON-DEMONINATIONAL CHURCH BY THE FREEWAY

W:::THE WATERGATE CHURCH

Th::CHURCH OF THE C-130 or CHINESE CHRISTIAN SCIENCE CHURCH*

F::::METHODIST MARXIST CHURCH

S::::OUR LADY OF THE BLACK T-SHIRT

Su::TEMPLE OF DOOM

*Consult local listings for "Go ahead and starve to death, we're dining at MIMI's" details.

Q: What got me (WILLIAM CHARLES HUGHES) to toss-up many names on hughesforgovernorin28days.wordpress.com for your weekend entertainment?

A: Two words from an airplane approaching O'Hare: "Twenty-two bingo."

"Gulfstream 850-chasing lawyers, is that one word, or two?"

and

"Where do I sign?" (Book deal?Movie deal? Sorry, no drug deals)