They Haven't Even Touched That Truck Yet!

How about my story from COLLINSVILLE, IL? Snow, snow, beautiful snow, and more snow in the 'lil Ford Focus. All the way out to Maryland Heights, MO due to really mean looking Soldier Boys in Illinois. POP QUIZ: Q: "What is in Mascoutah, Illinois?" A: "Scott Air Force Base." And what happened to the RED ROOF INN where "they" videoed me and the suddenly flamboyant in the sack GF? It was "gone!" Off to dependable, affordable, North County in St. Louis County, where a drunk black man stood behind me upon registration at the "other" Red Roof Inn. How's Martin Mull doing? Does he need any work? Is he still alive? Did I mention my HP is broken?

What does it mean when KLOS plays tunes more to Mr. Hughes' taste than KSHE? What a tough town this is! Me? Bust up "Tinseltown Rebellions" of uncertain ideology? Surely you jest! And let me be perfectly clear, I have no objection to "Monday Night Metal," but why is it on Tuesday night? Perhaps there is a problem with my "Farmer in the Dell" 755. It's not my Dell, but it works swell to raise a little hell, as the Ozark Mountain Daredevils once sang. Almost Famous? Uh, we almost ran sound for the Daredevils, but not. Something about commies & national socialists, I do believe. Is the media ever coming to ask me a dumb question, like "Why are you running for president?" Is it <whisper, whisper> okay to say, "I need a job?" It's the [BANG! BANG!] Duck! Caroline, get down!
Is Gardner still there? Nutcases, if I've got $1,000, I'm in, and there is not a goddamn "thing" you can do about it.

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