Where'd That Shiny Sword Go?

Let us preamble the funny stuff with an editorial, and don't drop Google, the wi-fi, or Cali-fornia AC power, please. Brain hemorrhage, you say? Me? President? "Bring me my Timmy's" he'd say on the first day. The few? The proud? The in deep, deep, deepest doo-doo boys. Don't dare tell a news organ-i-zation you heard it here first.