Not So Safe



This is Sergeant Hughes of the "Joker Counterrevolution." I am allowed to listen to Geneva, Switzerland ATC if I feel like it. I am free to listen to KSHE, KLOS, or talk to the KSWD 100.3 Los Angeles staff who will, like me, never be sex symbols in a movie. However, I can get my Grado headphones back from mafia(s) and yell on my set--a whole lot.

Private Silver is on assignment, I know not where. This I call, "President Practice." I think this particular "mission" might have something to do with Colonel O'Brian, who I did say needed help due to being, in my opinion, unfunny. Can anybody get a job in this town after the "Stain of Hughes" is upon them? Have I mentioned I can't get to any money, but for the record, I fired them all via USPS a long time ago.

I don't dance with girls, unless I am tricked by spygirls into this behavior. Again, the great T.O.DD called it "Flapping my arms," or something like that. I do however, come dancing out of the "Computer Lab" when I catch Lohan at Mid America Raceway making movies and making me late to work, or when I catch more aviation terrorists. As they said at the front desk of our Premier Inn, "It's easy!" Ready? Set[up]?


"Chatanooga looks good for the alternate."

"Well, how's it going, guys?"

"Dude, what's up?"

"How you doin'?"

"Hey good, how you doin'."

"I'm with Air Tran trying to get a lift to work this morning."

"Hey no problem. Any seat, you got one."


"Do you want to do a brief?"

"...if we do have an emergency, I'd like to open the door and talk face to face."


"We're going to be underway momentarily. Sit back and relax. Enjoy the flight. Kelly, when you have a chance, please prepare the cabin."


"Six seven" (whispered)


"I'm looking at it 'cause, like, okay I see seven, but it's..."

"Yeah, there's a green extra one there but..."

"All set."


"Thrust set."

"Dat is weird with no lights."


"One hundred knots."


"V one. Rotate."


6:06:03 Your little "Flying is safe" 49 lives were over at Blue Grass Airport, Lexington Kentucky. What was that date, "Number Kooks?" "Eight to seven oh six." (08.27.06).

Yes, it became a Ward H joke whenever my coworker Francine flew. "Be sure they get on the right runway," I said, before finding out just how poignant that joke was. Did they confirm getting on 22, a 7,003 foot long slab of asphalt? Yes. Then how in the name of Satan do they sit at the end of 27 with no lights and 3,500 feet, way too short? Ever see Spy Games? The real Brad was in it. And, I liked it, but real spies don't. Why not? Oh, something to do with that fictional CIA room where Redford sits with all of the dandy analog tape runing.

Hey MGM, are you already spending money on that big set for Rita's one line? I don't think they will allow us in the real CTC, unless I make President. How about my plywood Busch Memorial Stadium?

Not yet? Aw, The Economist gave it up! Ready?

"Lieutenant Columbo...had a knack for instantly identifying the culprit." No wonder I'm so popular with people who only give first names. As "Bobby, The Legendary Bobby" said, "Welcome to California."

*I'll get to Safeway later, those "pending litigation" California creeps.

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