Music Hall/Haul

It is 1983. J. Gordon Holt and glowing EL-34 tubes are my gods. I'm dreaming of new Telefunken 12AX7's for Christmas, and by 1984, I had them. What I did not have was a lot of capital, with which to gut Dynaco ST-70's and solder-in even higher tolerance parts. Tolerance? Mine is gone, V fans, because even back then, when I wrote a letter to STEREOPHILE complaining bitterly and sarcastically about their stratospherically priced audio gear, the next month's lead article started like this:

"As I drove through the gates of my estate, and hungered to hear that tasty lead solo in the Eagles "Hotel California," I instructed my chauffeur to drive fast and run down the servants, because old WASPY white guys rule."

I showed the article to Mrs. Hughes, and said, "I think they got my point, but didn't print the damn letter-to-the-editor." What did she say? "No way, boss dog! You're thinking wrong again! The two have nothing to do with each other." Horsefeathers! Why did the LP (Long-playing 33.3 r.p.m. record) have a resurgence of popularity during the "Roaring 90's?" I thought it was because they sound so much better, yet maybe that was not the whole story, Inspector.

How about U.S. Soldier Boy tracking your CD Playlist remotely? Caught them on that in 2006, and what year is this, "DEB SIMCOX?" Who is the president? Never mind, Chestnuts roasting in the open fire. If 'ya can't stand the heat..... Yes kids, every compact disc has an I.D. number, and guess what? The .gov DARPA dipsh-ts want to know all about your music taste.

Did I really rev-up my new turntable with the Todd Rundgren produced Grand Funk Railroad's "American Band" on the platter, raved about the cowbell being "in the room," like drummer boy's drum set was nearby, and the USAF girl just.....stared blankly. Now, I read an enterprising young man is featuring MUSIC HALL belt-driven turntables in the rooms of his boutique hotel chain. My joke here is, as the Baby Boomers encounter USA's Grapes of Wrath 2.0, caused by their own LSD "flashback" greed, I suggest you all put your LP's in the trunk of the family LEXUS, before all of your credit cards no longer work, check into the Music Hall Hotel, and stand by as we await STEELY DAN'S "Last Call at the Shopping Mall" nuclear exchange.

Really? Maybe, maybe not, says your 1974 "THIS IS NOT A TEST" Emergency Broadcast System (EBS) Hughes. Frankly, I'd rather write another letter to Paris Hilton, and not be accused of anything. First, may I take another breath?


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