Carter's Pills

That's the best "5 Wave" yet, because I knew he wasn't that sick, just more Obammy-Pammy psy-op. I've dealt with this crap since 1974, so I can damn well Executive Order it out of existence someday. True Story: I watched Carter campaign in, of all places, East Saint Louis, Illinois on the last day he had left in November, 1980. "No, no, Reagan just can't win," I muttered. "C'mon, Jimmy!" Then, I was stared at (a whole lot) in NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE, as Ronnie was nauseatingly eulogized for way too long. Found unclassified evidence he tried to you-know-what, to you-know-who, and file "gone," thanks to Soldier Boy. They'll kill you both, stupid spies not worth a warm bucket of WILLIAM IV spit.
May I do my O-BAM-A impression to pass the homeless time? Here he is:

"I'm an experienced operative, but Hughes is a true six. We must use all of the community's resources to bring him in from the cold. He's like Bush...so stubborn. Keep me posted on my Blackberry as I wreck our economy for the entire monopoly capitalist world. Free gasoline...I promised it to the whole South Side, and I shall deliver."

Wow! How about 72 hours for the president? And, I'm not any damn "Remote Viewer."

"What You Got Holds Water"

It is apparent to me I am not supposed to be alive, I am not supposed to recover HUGHES AIRCRAFT COMPANY, or HUGHES TOOL COMPANY, which includes my nifty oil-drilling bit, which would explain the "bit" about going to college with Saudis & Afghanistan guys. Iran? They've checked-in, and wouldn't you figure, with me that Hughes, and the CIA f---ing around over there since 1954. I owe them $3.00, to continue with FULL DISCLOSURE.
Royals? No, not the Kansas City Royals, the one from Kabul, the one from Saigon, but we lost the war and they renamed that town, didn't they? How about the Swedish Royal, the Danish Royal, the suspected DeBeers "diamond girl," and 1960's CIA LSD burnouts, I am not talking about Seals & Croft, I am a big dog, and you are not. Spill my coffee? Get a life, don't put on a deaf act, and I encourage all "T.O" rich kids to mind your own business before I am thundering it in front of a lot of people.
Yeah, it's another slogan, and don't steal it. Mind your own business!!! Did you read Brave New World? 1984? Oh, you are a drug-crazed Cali-fornia idiot? Can't help you, but I'm trying, until I get murdered, right "Cocaine cartel protectin' coppers?" (My term of endearment for the local force). How about CHP? Oh, they are the "Secret Police in Black & White cars." But, they used to pull 'em over in front of my shoppin' cart like this:
W: "I'll get out of your way."
CHP: "Thanks."
Why did my stock go down? May I work for the vc.ca court?

SOUND: A KNOCK at the door.

HUGHES
Hi, I'm William Hughes, I'm from the court, and I'll be your case wor...

SOUND: A series of GUNSHOTS.

Get it, Cuckoo-Birds? It is called never-ending "psy-op." Yahoo! No way there will be any hughesforpresident2012@yahoo.com-ing tonight, because hackers are perched like rodents, and I've got a humdinger of an e-mail ready to go out to the media, for them to be mind controlled and ignore. That said, the Great Frank One knew I was in Mr. FAWCETT'S van, his name was "Joe," and I did indeed tape a rock band in the garage. Coincidence? Girls, when you have thousands of them, the court finds in your favor, absent "smoking guns."Look out stupid spies, because I am quite sure John the mailman wants to remaster those tapes.

Dance Fever

Let's tell middle-aged intel stories. No .mil or .gov will be allowed on the premises. Early for the movie? Why not browse at K-MART?I had a j0b, once upon a time, and as I recall it was black, not LEVI'S, but almost as good as Levi's pants I was looking at when the spygirl said, "We'd better get going." How dumb do you big asses think I am? When I looked at my watch and saw it was still some time until movie time, I knew it's always "showtime" with certain persons. At the checkout, I'm thinking "Who's the threat?" Spooks, spooks, and more spooks. Who needs 'em? M&M's with Almonds in hand, soda/pop in reused plastic bottles from BURGER KING, we saw a...what? Vampire movie? My review? Too long, yeah, the guy's a hunk, still dream of what's her name, (she's British), and the gay vampire? He was the entertainment for H-man. Mormons, is that supposed to be me? Who was "WILLIAM GAY?" Would you like to keep your tax-exempt status? Think it over, while you still have time. Oh, Army Man to the north @ 911? Air Force Man & Wife to the south @ 911? Navy Man & "law students" to the west @ 30? Army Man upstairs @ 30? Dead Chinese children? "Thrill Kill Cult" out back? I'm wrong? I'm crazy? "They" have MIRV'ed missiles, too, Ding-Dong. Dragged the Merrimack River yet? Not yet? You'd better, .gov nutcase.

May I make a movie now, or do I have to GOOgle a search term...like "Black Money?"This really heated-up the same year Mailer published Tough Guys Don't Dance, possibly because I'm so damn important, and I don't dance. Just don't like it; is that okay with you? However, dancing with spygirls is apparently very meaningful to the "Dark Side" of spying, so here are the first names, and last (alias) name initial, of the "girls," as Howard called them, in chronological order.

ERIN S. [1976]
ANN C. [1977]
GAYLE M. [1980]
KELLY B. [1988]
DONNA A. (*) [2002]
PAMELA B. [2004]

(*) Donna is being awarded a dance, although it was only my arm being pulled on, and no trip to the dance floor. If I could have a "do-over," I would have done it, knowing what I know now, so it counts. This is to, in part, instruct CA spyin' morons on how I AM THE BOSS, and to my two-year dismay, you are apparently overly worried about E.T.'s, witches/warlocks, and misc. "New Age" crap. Want "time travel" stories? You'll get them, but not on a ridicule-ready, "He's crazy PRN" blog. This disclosure will be made in detail as soon as I figure out what MIKE MEYERS MOVIE-WORTHY KOOK would pull that on me. FACTS--you Nazi, Commie, & Anarchist spies hate them:
I have a suspected, and an absolutely confirmed time event in my sorry life. The without a doubt experience was in 2008, and the suspected one 1986. If somebody could do that in '86, my 2010 joke is, "I don't want to know what you Bildeberger/Vandeberger/Doodleburger types have now." Let's give you a preview of the 2008 proof.
1> Check-out date.
2> Check-in date.
3> Cab driver's paper receipt.
4> Credit card records, once recovered from you-know-who.
5> Many "aviator sunglasses on indoors" idiots, who I now allege were U.S. ARMY dolts. ($)
6> Date on computer.
7> Date on newspaper.
8> Many firemen @ HOLIDAY INN EXPRESS, Camarillo, CA
9> Many firemen @ AMERICA'S BEST VALUE, Thousand Oaks, CA
10> Thug fireman's stupid remark, with witnesses: "Tony didn't get it at first, either."

($) The UNITED STATES AIR FORCE is plenty crazy, but not stupid enough to show their spying asses that often over my, "It's not the government" life. It was the government, stupid. Don't ask me why I yell something in a "bugged" hotel room, and ROBERT GATES does what I said to do later. It's a Hughes thing, and you are not me.

We're Worried About You

"When are you going to Seattle?," the big Go-bell ass with a place in the desert just said (@1:52 p.m.). Time for Trivia Q's:
Q: "What city blows up in HUGHES SCREENPLAY #7?"
A: "Seattle, Washington."
I'm a bit "worried" about the home town, because I can't seem to get out to Cali-fornia, nor do I want to, all of a sudden. I really saw the stars I saw close-up and impersonal. Provincial hoosiers with the same genes can holler "Aphasia!" all they want; I refer you to my not-yet-a-journal piece on SHIRLEY ALLEN, who held off the Illinois State Police with her shotgun, and must not have been too sick, because she was out of the loony bin pronto. Later, the lawman who dealt with Shirley caught the Washington D.C. area post-9/11 world snipers? The same night I did not get shot outside of a FL sub shop? (PLAN WAS: i. Jump through plate-glass window; ii. Set-off alarm). Am I James Bond? No! May I call Senator Kit Bond? The latter q remains a mystery, because I don't have a cell phone, due to:
a) The phone's power adapter being crushed in the Lutheran church.
b) The phone later being stolen in the Lutheran church.
c) My childhood friend Barry saying, "Don't trust Lutherans."

I should have listened to Barry, but after one of those, "You believe in Jesus, we do too," conversations with the "Smith Boys" (corner of Angelica & 22nd Street), I was conned out of my shorts--again.

Gullible no more, it shall be "Iggy Pop meets Richard Nixon," and "they" are actually getting scared. HUGHES DIRECTIVES:
1) Do not blow-up the ballyard because "Stan the Man" will reportedly be there on Saturday, October 2, 2010. ANCILLARY FACTS: Soldier Boy showed me an e-obit on Stan about a year ago; welcome to the H-life. I regularly check stock prices, and depending who you click on, the closing price is different. Gotcha again, because I worked at a stock firm, and the closing price does not change, or did Obamanomics alter that? Trading after the bell? Scoundrels! Number kooks! Curses to mankind! Yes, the old ball game is indeed threatened in my Ask Not, but it's a screenplay! It's only a screenplay! mafia! mafia!
2) Do not blow-up the Rams game on Sunday, October 3, 2010, because they are playing <gasp!> Seattle. [FULL DISCLOSURE: Seattle is in fact nuked & destroyed in HUGHES SCREENPLAY #7, titled II.] Nonetheless, don't send acne cream quality Secret Service when I rant on O-bam-a, because I'd make them some coffee using my moldy "Homeless Man" spoon to stir. Obsessive-Compulsive? Are you nuts? Get a clinical fact; it won't kill you. Yes, you are totally CA nuts, because how about last evening's round of "Find a job (opening), lose the job (link)" on hacked DELL 755's? Working for VC's court? Where do you want me to work? Show money, and I'll do it (drugs & prostitution excepted). Why is the spoon formulation a "secret?" HINT: It has not cracked. Let's go back, back in time. Did I know people who worked as Rams security staff, then I was "taken" (to the game, that is), more than once? Yes! Right behind KEN & BERNIE at the hockey game? Were we on TV? I can see the red light on as a dork, and I will not fail to talk when it comes on as a politician. mafia! mafia! My "T.O." mantra? "They don't talk too much."Nancy signals to "Hold it down out on the Left Coast," until she can burn (read waste) more jet fuel in her proto-Air Force One I thought was a good thing when Bush was losing Supreme Court decisions about declaring U.S. Persons "Enemy Combatants." Yes, she's on the way to talk s*#! about how the near-collapse of capitalism is not such a bad thing when NYU types are slaving away on Gilligan's Island II and yet another vampire movie. If I had $10, I'm about ready for Van Helsing IV, or whatever Roman numeral figure they are up to. Original screenplay? Stick the knife in deeper [robo-hacker changed "stick" to "sick" Genius!] by remaking Hell's Angels and I'm not "attached?" I'll be attached to the EAGLETON COURTHOUSE wall like a barnacle, and Disney, your many Ventu County spies will not know when I'm going to strike.

One date with a bona fide movie star + one melt paint off the walls speech, and I win. As they said at that fine hotel over by a suspicious-looking, guarded by a Wackenhut dyke, aviation-related place in Newbury, the PREMIER INN, "It's easy!"

Excuse me, the wackin' hut is now called "GS4." As Uncle Lawrence yelled, "Let's go home!," and today, William V cries out, "Let's go to court!"

Negro's Gotta Go!

Cuckoo over my seized family photos, ARMY MAN/MAFIA MAN? Here's real deal: I make president, the missile does not say "Raytheon" on it, and the neo-Hughes Family of Missiles goes up your backside, because I am running for president like grizzled--excuse me, grizzly--moron Palin, and I can't cuss no 'mo. Mysterious Negroes in a near all-white, racist town I don't need, but hardy Mafia(s) are welcome to travel to the ghetto and look up women who might know hoodlums of color who will<cough, cough, goes the mystery Negro> May I have an attorney before I issue a threat? Thanks!!!

Tumble in the Goebel horseshoe pit? He went down like there's something amiss with g-forces, because sometimes, there is. "Rick! Rick! A guy's down out there! Call 911!" Didn't happen? Go to hell, Vandenberg nutcase! More star's falling down than I can shake a stick at, EU looks to be at a rolling boil over economic issues JOHN MC CAIN admitted not understanding, but I do. Palin's Index Cards? Honey, this boy is ready to rock, no teleprompter required.

I have read the blogs of others, and this site is tame, brother. Too tame. This is Dollar Bill. This is Daddy Warbucks for real. this is Alpha Dog. And, as the SS said, "Looks can be deceiving," or as I phrase it, "Don't let the long hair fool 'ya." I am tired of this (he's not that Hughes) crap! Get a job? Did Ventu County just hide a job so I could not print it out on scrap paper? Who does this, gnomes? "I'm fighting the clock," said you-know who, and here's the real deal:

Q: What does the USA's intel community excel at?"

A: "Wasting time."

Another attack coming from A-rabs? Was the president born here? Out with it, and "Move on." Dear God, give me a hot, live microphone before one of our so-called "friends" heaves some megatons.

Feeling suicidal? It's never up to me.

William; He's Charles' Son

Crybaby? Where is that young babe now?

Wages not keeping pace? Let's burn some cars in the USA. Aw, let's not.

Who are these fellows at my ST. LOUIS COUNTY LIBRARY? Pirates? Fearsome looking, they are! Why can't I go home? KEYWORDS: "Microfiche," "ANNE JONES," "JUDY HERZOG," etc. etc. etc.

High on meth? Good for you, and son, tell your kids: a) Mr. Hughes got 3 hours of sleep last night; b) The Holly-bust is really on, because "they" gave me the 07/05/10 People & 09/27/10 Star. Do I typically read this stuff? Only when local idiots are "tweaking," or is it "tweeking," like TWEEK, the audiophile's friend? May I have my box of old Stereophile magazines back? Could AIMEE MANN perhaps swing that deal? C'mon...GET REAL! Ms. Mann has a record company of her very own, she's married, and I'd imagine she's busy touring, or recording, or...{KEY WORD} remaining "productive." Yet it is true all are free to sleep under bridges, or behind the [REDACTED by angry EU Royals].

So in jail! And, as another bonus, I'm a gossip columnist now. Ready, set(up), go!

07.25.2010 People

P.5: disclosed MILEY CYRUS & LADY GAGA are "scantily clad." What? Cyrus @ my Starbucks? Businesslike, in preparation for the Disney "We're all piling-on now!" lawsuit, right? Right! Gaga, @ USA GAS? Not "scanty," but oh what a [REDACTED BY NON-DENOMINATIONAL, NO LONGER TAX-EXEMPT EXTREMISTS]
P.6: ANTHONY BOURDAIN has my trashed duffel bag strap color for kitchen mitts, my sister's stove, and did he steal my jeans with the same rip? A pig in the oven? Problem(s): Too many Tony's, and who is the guy? (I don't get out much).
P.12: A JOLIE in Haiti? What is she feeding them? What was H-man's "Theatre Nun's" name? JOLIE, dummy!
P.18: CATHERINE ZETA JONES & NYC dog? With mom's sunglasses and my color blue doggie chain retractor.
P. 20: ASHLEY TINSDALE is all pink and also has a doggie? Why the sad look, girl? Is she married? And, "on the same page," is TOM HANKS as the Cart Boy in BURBANK? Who's cart? Now, Hughes wants to know!
P. 24: MILEY attempted to look sleazy, but please, give me the version 2 feet away from me @ Starbucks. (Did I mention I don't get out much?)
P. 28: Can we top Gaga @ the Mets (6.10.10) & Yanks (6.18.10) game? Do they have ushers? Police? And, why do I recognize her bodyguard?
P. 36: They voted on who should play CLEOPATRA (Only a movie, silly!). JOLIE, 3rd of 3 @ 24%? Call me Mr. Counterintuitive, because, that's you, babe. May I direct? May I first pee in a place besides bushes?
P.39: JENNIFER ANISTON as a "sexually voracious" dentist? Honey, have you heard one of my crowns cracked? Oh, that's right--repeat after me, Disney jailbirds, "Only a script, only a movie" (but not yet on the movie deal, non-deal, perpetual Cali-fornia con job).

[Don't forget! Can you spell HUGHES? Fill in the dot? Stylus? Touch-screen? Where's my photo of the DIEBOLD truck next to my mighty, allegedly wrecked by Russian spies, LA County Sheriff could not care less, mighty FORD FOCUS? Technical Fuji difficulties? Yeah, at the Gates of Hell, and Satan awaits. Don't let them tell you "No," and by all means, clog-up the polls. HP does not spy and send jobs abroad? That broad's a liar! And, at the humble senior center, what did they say about Brown? I'm delusional? POL-SCI jackasses, spies & whores, I know what you did. "He filed and got a PAC, so now we can whisper anything, and he has no legal recourse, because technically, he's a "Public Figure." Brown? "He has no right expecting to be governor again just because his daddy was." They said it, not me. Mafia! Mafia! They are so clever, are they not? Gulfstream Jet-chasing lawyers, tell BEN-BEN//KEN-KEN they are jumping the gun, because first, I have to spend a bit of time in INDEPENDENCE, MISSOURI.Why? Be scared; you know you are crazy and want to].

P. 45: EMINEM, did you get a nose job, post-VONS, or...heavens to Betty! Body-doubles? You may need a psychiatrist, but for the record, my ex talked me out of becoming one.
P. 47: OZZIE has still got it going the reviewer said, with Scream, and I got T.O. Starbucks jaws to drop with:
a) My proximity to the OZ.
b) The ticket price.
c) The fact "Paranoid" was from "the new album."
d) A disclosure he was skinny.
e) FULL DISCLOSURE: I left out the part about almost being trampled by anxious morons. (They called it "crystal" back then, son).
P.58-59: Holy Toledo! HARRISON FORD has a jacket just like the president in Air Force One! And, he married ALLIE? What's my joke the spyin' gods love? "Somebody in Hollywood does know William, and this ain't no movie, this is real + it's the real one (Hughes, that is).
P. 58-59: Sitting down? It's the "other" WILLIAM. Nice tie, and ditto for HARRY. Uh...same tie, but Harry's is darker, with slightly wider stripes. William's nose? CHECK. Dimples? CHECK. SSDI for me? NO CHECK. Where is the ABILITY check? And, not to be rude, but why is Harry's hair red?
P. 61: TOM CRUISE had a DODGE COLT as a first car? So did Belle Neighbors' MARK. Oh, not his first car, first "foreign job," as we hoosiers called them back then. It was White.

P. 66: KELLIE PICKLER? That's your real name? Engaged? Good, but what's with the grabbing your shoulder bit? EXTRA! EXTRA! Is this real? JAKE PAVELKA broke it off with VIENNA GIRARDI, and..."Your Honor, where have I seen that woman?" Here come 'da judge: "Don't know, but I'd go for it, Hughes." 24 year-old former HOOTERS waitress? Where? Where did I see her? Drama! Drama!
P. 78: Sweden's PRINCESS VICTORIA (Same name as my physician, and another good UK Kinks song) married a commoner? Holy CA brushfire smoke, Batgirl!
P. 8-1: Murder? Family? What spy novel are you reading, Ding-Dong?
P. 84: BOB GREENE's got Angel Hair Pasta, Walnuts, & Peas, and I've got eight (8) Van de Kamps donuts?Got a problem with that? Wanna rumble?
P. 86: KHOLE KARDASHIAN & "ShanWow?" What's that, girl? I don't get scammed too much (for under a trillion, anyway).

P. 91-92: I found one of Mr. Bourdain's claims to fame was being "addicted to cocaine." Heavens to Betty! Now, it's roast pig on the table for ARIANE, his 3 year-old daughter. Really? Same as the rocket I strongly suspect I manufacture? No further comment.

P. 95: LOHAN'S D.O.B. = 07/02/1986? Again, no comment. LIV TYLER'S D.O.B. = 07/01/1977. Do I sound like a skipping CD?

P. 104: Mad men? SPF = Matte Finish, Anti-Aging, & Sweat Proof.

P. 107: KIM, why did my 'lil buddy "A.M." do that, too?

P. 112: Puzzle? "Above the Law?" You ain't talkin' to me, pal.

P. 113: Pretzels and M & M's? How often can I say, and can you spell N-O C-O-M-M-E-N-T? Jail or Navy, eh? I'm too old to enlist and be detained, right? Never mind.

P. 118: KRISTIN STEWART, it had to be "5," no six, eight, or ten?

P. 119: Angus OSCAR MEYER WIENERS? I drove past their wienerking HQ more than once, and it was near the airport where OZARK AIRLINES almost.....didn't I tell that story on AbolishTheCIA.org? I'm not like who you think, repeating those stories ad infinitum. Who was hitting on me, a married man, from which presidential campaign in 1980? Ole!

BACK COVER: Oil of Olay!!!

CRACK...ZZZIT...POP...CRACKLE..."This is the sound system? We're late again, sorry [IA, NH place]. Who hired these people, anyway? I did? What? You've got to be kidding! This is my staff? How many of them does it take to screw in a light bulb?"

A Quick Tour of St. Louis Radio

DEAD.

ALSO DEAD.

Has the President of the United States resigned yet? Not yet? What is that catchy, soon to be up new website called? www.Overthrow1947.net. Don't steal it! (The domain name, that is). Oh, you are .gov? You are .mil? Try a f---ing idiot!!!!!

VC Math Class

LOU REED sings, on one of my favorite Compact Discs held by Mafia, "I've got stats, baby, I've got stats." Never mind the name of the tune is "Sex With Your Parents," or that Mr. Reed claims that parent-child sexual activity is a "Republican thing." New York? Did someone named "Rose" mention NYC about an hour or so ago? May I take a breather? First, may I be allowed to breathe?

Thanks.

Number, numbers, numbers! I cried aloud about them a lot in America's Best Value, which is a motel that somehow got castoff furniture from GREAT RIVERS MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES, but I never told a soul, until just now. Bottom line? They took me for about $3,300 I wish I had back, but DORIS did feed me on Thanksgiving, 2008, JAVIER did not kill me, merely stalked, and they galdly recommended old RUSSELL up at the Premier Inn, where I moved to with feet big as watermelons.

Medical problem? No way! Just more GEORGE JETSON TORTURE! What's that t-word? TORTURE! Really? Aren't you "Bipolar, and off your meds?" NO, I need a job with the vc Mental Health Crisis Squad, because they (I have a "they" too, now) tell me that with no hospital beds available, the patient goes to jail! Masterful how Cali-fornia criminalized mental illness so efficiently. Now, "they" are almost scared as I get almost famous, because I'm trying to make friends with the EMS Ambulance Drivin' girl.

Move--countermove. Who was that handsome young spyguy out there with her today? "That ain't gonna work" remains the Hughes credo, does it not? Why, that woman is a fast-talker, so I got the story about rolling down a highway embankment fighting with a supposedly "not dangerous" mental case, but she has not heard my, "Oh, I'm not helping with ward scrums enough?" "On three," said H-man. One..two..three, and down went a big Dingbat trying to fight during the, Dr. L's Been Kicked in the Gut Affair. Wasn't that a Movie of the Week on ABC?
Disney, I'll sell 'ya that one, before you bastards steal it, should you have a shareholders meeting and decide to send a few "token" execs to jail.

How about "The Water Man" story? "The Girl Who Really Was Rescued by Marines in Saudi" story? "Queen of the Trailer Park?" "The (nice to William, cheap-o ethics rap [not]) Pole Dancer?" House Full O' Guns? Which one? There were a few, sonny boy. Yes, I'm stuck-in with street sociopaths, so if I want to impress, I wheel-out the 100% true, "C'mon now, we're gonna clean it for you, hand it over. C'mon now" LOADED GUN STORY. To the CA hard-core I said, "It was only a crazy old lady," to which he replied, "A crazy old lady? In Missouri? She could have shot your ass."

True enough, and don't 'ya love cops, who all (4) had hands-on-guns as the lady waddled down the hall of her [LOCATION REDACTED BY BIG SPOOKIES, MAYBE GAYS AT MI-6] suburban home. Only later, after all of them had departed, did boss cop, a Lieutenant (I think), exhale and say, "Thanks, we've been trying to get that gun for six months." Uh huh, and that sort of tale will get me elected to something, no matter how flat-out psychotic you California people can be.

To the facts, "Ken/Kent/Nick!":
THOUSAND OAKS, CA:

• 112 million dollars more taxable revenue than Ventura, CA
• 214 million dollars more taxable revenue than Simi Valley, CA
• 270 million dollars more taxable revenue than Camarillo, CA

Hold on there, sheriff! In one fiscal quarter? No nightlife in "T.O." Not allowed!

No NAPA store--all gone!

Sears? Who's got money or credit anymore?

Good God, even the UK Kink's "Video Shop" (Ray, what a great sleeper good album, from when? Never mind.) moved away and left a note on the door that translated from "spy-ese" says, "We hope you all get killed."

Where's all of this economic activity?

CAR SALES i.e. "Zoom-zoom, let's gawk at Hughes."

HOTEL STAYS i.e. "Let's stay at the Mafia Marriott, and run-up Hughes' ass." (Don't I love drug thugs shooting their fingers at me--makes me feel unwelcome).

RESTAURANTS i.e. "Let's eat, eat, eat, and stare at our enemies, from the magesty of those spare ribs in FL, to the LUTHERAN SS sack lunch, let's eat! May I have a kickback, or something? No?

Sir/ma'am, I have eight fine screenplays for sale. Thomas Crown Affair II? I got a franchise like BOND for you! Help! Help" I'm 55 in Hollywood, and I do drive the speed limit, but they even pulled me over for that! Then, they wrecked my car! Help! Help! Who are "they?"

Touchdown! They're on strike? What? Mother of Pearl!!!

Whitewater Revisited

Q: How did BILL CLINTON survive MONICAGATE?
A: From The Shape of Water, by ANDREA CAMILLERI
Q: Hughes, who was Andrea 1.0?
A: My spy neighbor @ 911 St.Rita.
Q: Who's Andrea 2.0?
A: She spies on me for the CRPD.
Q: What is the CRPD?
A: I am not at liberty to say, until the president and first lady are locked-up.
Q: Are you nuts?
A: No, but the whole damn world is waiting for that racy blog piece titled, "Central Intake."

"I'm red inside and out, Montalbano. I belong to the bad, rancorous Communists, an endangered species. I accepted the whole bit, because I am convinced that those who were saying we shouldn't sully the poor bastard's memory by dwelling on the circumstances of his death actually wished him ill, not well, as they were trying to make us think.'

'I don't understand.'

'Well, let me explain, my innocent friend. The quickest way to make people forget a scandal is to talk about it as much as possible, on television, in the papers, and so on. Over and over you flog the same dead horse, and pretty soon people are getting fed up. They're really dragging this out! they say. Haven't we had enough? After a couple of weeks the saturation effect is such that nobody wants to hear another word about that scandal. Now do you understand'?"

Translation (c) 2002 Stephen Sartarelli
HEY KOOKS, WHO IS BLOCKING THE UPLOAD OF PHOTOS FROM THE Goebel Senior Adult Center, Thousand Oaks California, in the "Computer Lab" on the DELL 7_55's.What does my Birth Certificate say? 1955. What does the president's say? Location, location, location.

Hey donkeys, who killed RON BROWN?
Who killed VINCE FOSTER?
Have a rotten evening.

Bear Poo & "Doo-Doo"

Bears are back? Trib, surely you jest! Bears suck! Cubs suck! Did I go to a Black Hawks game in...1965? I later got lost, and no one called the policeman? Kinda Maf-IA, wouldn't you say? Same old, same old, in that the valiant suburban Chicago policeman did ask what a 10 year-old North St. Louis boy was doing out for a stroll. Can't beat this memory, nor could DIANA ORTUNO torture it to a pile of brain matter mush. I found my way back all by myself, and a house full of adults said, "Whew!" in unison. "They're eight years apart!" some old maf-ia spook hollered, just this morning.

As the Starbucks lesbians said, "Tell me/us something I/we don't already know." "DEB SIMCOX," is Obama still the president? I don't get out much. Are you ready for the "You're Goin' to Jail" Yahoo blog? Tell "Eagle" piece of crap JOE WALSH, "It's a new concept."

Cold Bud

hey tarantino! Did I really write a good torture scene in the "Mafia warehouse" where a guy is offered a sweaty brew before they....."Welcome to California," right Bobby? Where they f--- with you so bad, a nice guy writes believable torture scenes, or at least they will pass a "sociopathic muster" of some sort.

Let's go to the notebook they all want to steal, but fear not, names have been changed to protect all nutty wormhole travelers:

09.28.10
9:49 a.m.
D starts the day @ 8:01 a.m. with the suggestion of tapping tobacco out of cig butts & rolling with TOP papers, thus no contact with kook germs. He brought a radio last night that needs (4) C batteries. Last eve, "MARK 'MAFIA' WILLIAMS" was in such a hurry to lock-up the GOEBEL ("Go Bell?"--Why was SUE BELL living next door @ 11019 Mollerus Drive? She's GARY WEBB's spouse, and she looked good in her spyin' swimwear. What did Webb write about? Never mind! Where did he get forced out of his job, or so the story goes? Did I just register with the Sacramento Bee to post snotty comments? I sure did, and what are you going to do about it Cuckoo-Bird?) SENIOR ADULT CENTER, it went like this:

W: "Can I make some popcorn?"
M: '"No."
W: "I'm getting some water."
M: "Okay."

He was holding the door shut at 8:50 p.m. on a guy who put in a 50+ hour week and was paid for 40 @ GRMHS, BJCBH, MPC, MHCO, & SLPRC. Can you crack the "code," Cuckoo-Bird?
F### YOU, IT'S THE UNIBOMBER!
FBI!
HELP! HELP!
It's Unibomber 2.0!
No, who in the f*** is ANDREA KOVAL? K.H.? KELLY WILSON? Related to the president, you asshole Mafia asshole! And, the old redhead said @ 9:47 a.m. "Put 'em in jail."

Going Viral

A Dollar Store full of vile thugs, and what did that girl with a fine [REDACTED BY CRAZY CHRISTIANS] say to me? "Weenie!" Then, she later put a bottle of wine next to me, said "Keep an eye on this," and proceeded to give some local punks a dissertation on the county jail, state pens she has known, and Federal accommodations for bad guys. Who was that girl? Efficiency apartment in Simi? No boyfriend? I know at least one Simi Valley bus driver is cool, but do I look like a spy? Thanks. May I run for president now? How about write-in "HUGHES" for Cali-fornia governor? Can I get this HUGHES TOOL COMPANY/HUGHES AIRCRAFT COMPANY thing to "go viral?" What did you say? I've gone deaf from listening to your rather obvious spyin' bulls--t.

"...a brilliant career in the world of fashion and show business," says Pravda. For a caught spy? I can't do that, even though I catch 'em all day long, because Hillary will come after me with her rolling pin, President Negro will have some FBI who flunked their exams and got promoted anyway pester me, and so forth. At least regarding my buddies at you-know-where, a helper in the loop said, "Aw don't bother them, they already know about it."

Your'e All Set-(up)

Didn't Bank of New York (BNY) tell me more than once about some book entry stock the P.I.N. number never seems to work on? Dividends? What dividends? Did they really send an attachment I never bothered to read until 09.27.10 from 04.10.10 that said, "Sorry, we can't find it," after they were very polite on the phone about those 102 shares? Has everyone gone nuts except me?

Tea Baggers, are you ready for Hughes v. Federal reserve Bank? Could you toss a bit of spare change my way? How much does governor of Cali-fornia pay?

Drama! Drama!

For cryin' out loud, may I phone, or in u.k.-ese, "ring-up" [please, hackers, stop inserting 9's on my screen] a U.S. Senator's aide? May I have one, too, when I run for president?

Q: "Where does he sleep?"

A: "In the courthouse."

Q: "What does he eat?"

A: "Whatever the U.S. Marshal's serve on a plastic tray."

Let's kill some time, by going back in time, and don't steal anything, or you will surely go to jail:

08.24.10

10:05 a.m.

JUSTIN was out back of GOEBEL acting like a big ass. Is he pulling a gun out of his pack, or clean underwear? Hey, Mr. L[ ], I don't have either, and I don't give a f---, because here's the 'deal'.

1.85 million = RITA TRILOGY

.5 million = Fooled Again

1.2 million = Six(6) South + #9, THE SEQUEL.

There is the "menu." This is not a spy movie. I am trying to see my INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY sold, not STOLEN.

And don't "they" love my Microsoft "notebook" notes that CA creatures see somehow, without looking over my shoulder. Here's today's missive:

"Having 'fun?' Not a .gov among you. What did CEH say in 1975? 'Bill, these are not narcotics officers, these are not government agents, they are just regular people.' Yeah, 'regular people' running me off the f---ing road and threatenting to kill me. Has Obama resigned yet? Not yet?"

No e-spying? No bugging? KEY/CODE WORDS: "OLIVE GARDEN."

Let's go to court!!!

Power & Privilege (not)

"Gotta go, gotta go," I said. Can't go back in time, Cuckoo-Birds, but I wish I could, knowing what I know now.

Build an oil refinery in Mexico? Capital idea! Tom-Tom Club rocks! Who do I bribe? No way, because this ain't Howard, Holder hasn't handed-over my file yet, and said, "We've got nothin'," so consequently, for trying to create some j-o-b-s, stem the tide of illegal immigration, raise the standard of living south of our border, get some freakin' o-i-l refined and to your hungry Hummer, etc. etc. etc. I'd be so in jail! Does this make sense? You decide.....and don't forget to write-in H-U-G-H-E-S on that Cali-fornia ballot. Don't let them tell you "No." It's their favorite word (even when it's easy to say "Yes").

"...people with power that they think is justified break rules not only because they can get away with it, but also because they feel at some intuitive level that they are entitled to take what they want...The word 'privilege' translates as 'private law'...the sense which some powerful people seem to have that different rules apply to them is not just a convenient smoke screen. They genuinely believe it."

-- "Absolutely," The Economist, 01.23.2010

A Hughes person loves to talk, or not talk. Why, when I read-up on how JIMMY CARTER altered nuclear war fighting strategy (a whole lot) was there a "hitman" pacing around upstairs in his cowboy boots? [SOUND: CLUNK, CLUNK]. Not sure. Nor am I sure why there was a body-double of HILLARY CLINTON shaking hands in Concord, New Hampshire during the 2008 Presidential Primary. I am, however, sure of why somebody physically stole or "disappeared" my photo of the fake Hillary and a beaming BILL CLINTON I cut out of the Concord Monitor. Last day in NH, 2008? The lead story was about a "pawn," wasn't it?

Bush 41? Unspeakable, except there is plenty of .gov audio of me saying, "He's not doing such a bad job," or "Not so bad for a Republican," and so forth. What's the WGA registered & U.S. Copyrighted name of the screenplay of mine that will never be a movie if there is no deal before September 30, 2010? Fooled Again. George W. Bush? Yes, I asked the St. Louis County cop "Can I cross?" (The secured, empty highway, presidential limo 'a comin' bridge). "Sure, just hurry it up!" Did he really say that? Yes! Did I stand out on the overpass (I-64/U.S. 40), empty highway below, and wonder, "What are 'they' trying to pull now?"

I did; that is a FACT, Sir Cuckoo-Bird! The REFRIGERATION MAN on his cell phone constantly? CIA! CIA! (They're not just for ignoring terrorists, don't you know?) And, we "capped" that one off with an embarrassed KSDK news crew, because the guy with an M-16 and some type of grievance against Mr. Bush was not me! Yet it is true that: a) The Secret Service helicopter flushed me out of 911 ST. RITA (Mr. "Turner's" building) for that bushwhacking; and b) I did once more stumble out of the Goebel Senior Adult Center's "computer lab" hooting "I make that! I own that!?" You know what I'm talking about, boys, don't you?

Have a nice day.

Hint: Think APACHE

Memo to the EU

I would not trust 1.2 billion Euros atop a NASA ATLAS V551 Rocket. That wasn't a NASA jet low over my laundromat in Concord, NH? Yes, it was, and for the record, regarding detergent bottle color, I used PUREX (Blue, my color blue, like the sign @ I-270 & Germantown Road), Soldier Boy's choice was TIDE, and the bottle is quite Orange. The EU's "Beagle" crashed before I did not get murdered in Austin, Texas. 2003? What a rotten year! JPL, why should I ever bother with you, when I know where all of the donut shops are located in the entire State of New Hampshire? Please, do not engineer a "hostile takeover" of DUNKIN DONUTS before I get there!

Drugs, Drugs, Drugs...

Is our first black president as tricky as the Harry pictured above? Has he resigned yet? Do I have to post "Central Intake?" I suppose so. Is there any law that aids me in the USA? Not yet? He's not out of there yet? Stay tuned for some tacky, "How Obama tried to kill me" stuff. I have no choice in the matter.

SLAP SHOT

I can take a cheap shot, too, given that according to some, I am perpetually trying to: a) Assassinate the President of the United States; b) Take over the world (from the Illuminati, whatever that is); c) Sell drugs (LSD Labs, Pot Farms, plus cocaine! cocaine! cocaine! (And, don't forget the "meth," "crank," "crystal," if you are poor); d) Riding around the galaxy with E.T. (It's a Roswell thing).

Hey! What if I am not doing any of that? May I run for president now? No? What does "HP Spylady" & "Gov. Moonbeam" think of my nascent write-in campaign? Really? Aw, who gives a rat's ass? How about some mud-slinging?

BARRY MC CAFFREY "spent time in Mexico."
BARRY MC CAFFREY wrote a report about "criminal drug cartels" that are "overwhelm[ing] and establish[ing] control over broad regions of northern Mexico."
BARRY MC CAFFREY stated border security "cuts both ways."
BARRY MC CAFFREY reported 90% of the weapons used by drug cartels are smuggled from the U.S. into Mexico, and (gasp!) Mexico has "strict gun laws."
BARRY MC CAFFREY said Drugboy/Thugboy guns are purchased "from licensed gun dealers" in TEXAS, ARIZONA, and CALI-FORNIA!
BARRY MC CAFFREY is concerned Ak-47's are "bought by the crateful" and illegally brought into Mexico (Mother of Pearl! What can be done?) And, these guns, guns, guns (good Guess Who song--more damn Canadians) are "unopened automatic military weapons." (Like Osama had? Holy smokes, Batgirl!)
BARRY MC CAFFREY said seizures of stuff I'm about to try and buy on credit (joking? What's under my control? Nothing!) like hand grenades & rocket propelled grenades are "at the level of battlefield seizures." (Where are my father's photographs? My mother's letters? My grandfather Howard's Romaine Files? My scratched-up rock albums? Too bad I know, so we can all stare at one another at the GOEBEL SENIOR ADULT CENTER forever). At least I could go see my Spruce Goose if I had a "Mafia Ride," because it is not too far. (Whre are my wrecked automobiles, Officer Not-So-Friendly?) Why bother? I can see my big airplane later, given I am not too far from unleashing dozens of federal lawsuits and smoking cigars with a female U.S. Attorney in MO who might actually help, as opposed to this Cali-fornia mess. Ding-Dongs, I think even Judge Limbaugh (Yes, brother of Rush) would say, "Forget the $5.00 pauper fee, Hughes, and keep 'em comin'.
BARRY MC CAFFERY said it's hard to figure the "serious indifference and incompetence of U.S. authorities."
They're what?
Guilty of a "callous disregard for a national security threat."
He spent time in Mexico?
He's an adjunct professor at West Point?
He runs BR MC CAFFREY ASSOCIATES, LLC
He was Clinton's "Drug Czar?"
Are they still running coke through MENA, ARKANSAS?
Nice try, Commie/Nazi hackers.....
What is Barry doing?

• Helping ARMY MAN run drugs.
• "Coordinating" the drug-running at West Point.
• Making good money as a "consultant" lying about it.

No? Let's get together on the telly, so we can rock, not roll.

Don't 'ya love a heated discussion of the USA's Drug Policy, Barry?

Did you get that E.O. boys? WEST POINT is closed--because I would write it, sign it, and that's the way it works, obsolete, drug-running Soldier Boys. Look out, .mil, because when I get on the stump, your welfare program--biggest in human history--is over.

Source: Government Executive, February, 2009

Hail to the No Bail Chief!

Counselor, "we" all know the facts. Westport Plaza Starbucks, St. Louis County, Missouri, 2005. "Lindsey Lohan, Lindsey Lohan, Lindsey Lohan, we're making a movie, aren't we hot stuff," etc. etc. etc. Mr. Hughes (that's me) went home to 911 St. Rita Avenue, got on BRICK NETWORK (litigation pending), and thought to himself, "She's cute." Next, it was MID AMERICA RACEWAY. Seemed I could not get to my job at CHESTNUT HEALTH SYSTEMS, in Granite City, Illinois (it's Madison County, lawyers). "Race on a weeknight," I thought? Big, white, unmarked tractor-trailer trucks in the lot? "Where are the NASCAR logos and so forth?" I wondered. Next, it was CARL'S JR. in not so nice Thousand Oaks, California. What day? CHRISTMAS DAY, 2009. "What is Ms. Lohan doing meeting with a new agent at Carl's?" This I wondered, then I stepped-off the distance. Spies, you can't change it, because the tables are bolted to the floor. Eight (8) feet. What happened next? LET'S GO TO COURT!!! Poor Lindsey; no bail? Such mean judges you have in the Republic of ArnoldPacifica! Don't forget to write-in H-U-G-H-E-S for Governor on Election Day! Hey buddy, I need a job!!!!!

You all know I don't get out much, nor do I watch television. So, how would I know it was [REDACTED BY SNL CONEHEADS] in front of me in line at Starbucks? My secret gf AMY MANN was on the Muzak, and I thought, "I'm not standing behind this damn Disney star, whoever she is. Nah, I'm going over to McDonald's." Don't get it wrong, Mr. Hollywood Director, if I'm found dead, because a lady at the counter said, "Here, have a cheeseburger," and handed me one. For the record, I ate it.

From the diary even more creatures now hate:

09.07.10

10:03 a.m.

Can I skip over here and excite the masses as e-mail is prepared for www.fbi.gov & aclu.vc@verizon.net as the HATHA YOGA CLASS FLUTE plays for the YOGA STRETCH, yet another Yoga class has been scheduled for Wednesday Evening,people with English accents babble, and maybe we're finally getting somewhere.Who on the staff went on a two-week vacation? Far be it for me to ask (Mike? Mark?). Now we're talking about SPAIN, ITALY, and "friends with money," but I seem to have none. Do I have to "sign" to get out of town? Probably, if the Disney [REDACTED BY A .gov THUG] raps me on the shoulder, as he did this a.m. Or, perhaps I will sell one of those damn scripts! More on "A.M." in the "What's their real politics?" if they have any notebook. The man who gave me the breakfast ticket chided me for not being there, and I pleaded "crabby," but good weekend nonetheless.

Obama (D) Jailbirds

How about that "Connie" right behind the DC-7? EASTERN AIR LINES? Nobody to file a lawsuit against on that one, right Barack? However, we can acquire the tower tapes, unless they are being erased at this very monent, or will they get around to it tomorrow? Carter, you know what I'm talkin' about! And, I know what a DC-9 sounds like sitting in front of the flight attendants (back row) when the engines are at full power after a 100 ft. or so Atlanta 7-11 sighting. Let me guess.....


"Holy shit!"
[increase in ambient noise]
It's a f---ing oil truck!"
"Hartsfield, Eastern [##]...uh, what was that about?"
"What? I've aborted already. No lights?! Under construction? Jesus!

Ready students? "Teacher" is here. Spittin' King is here:


WILLLIE KEELOR>>>
PETE ROSE>>>
TY COBB>>>
ROBERTO CLEMENTE>>>
3,000 HITS EVEN?>>>
WIKIPEDIA>>>
DIED>>>
12.31.1972>>>
EARTHQUAKE>>>
SOMOZA>>>
DOUGLAS DC-7>>>
SCREECH>BAM>CRUNCH>TINKLE, TINKLE>PHIZZZZZ
He did it again! [Format changed due to hacking Cuckoo-Birds]

Is he indicating he's going to shoot himself in the head? Better him than I.

Don't you love--is that a gun barel in my ribs?--Al Gore's, excuse me, Soldier Boy's Internet?May I negotiate safe passage to the SAINT LOUIS UNIVERSITY LIBRARY? Dr. Victoria can see if I have prostate cancer. (I don't). Fr. Biondi can give me a bunch of money to run for president, right? School of the Americas? GERDING? Did Matt shoot the cop, or not? Clinton let him off? Pardon, me. I'm the Hughes...William Hughes, and you are definitely not.

Roman Numerals

ANDREA I & II; JUSTIN I-V; LITTLE BRAT I & II; RACHEL I & II.....where is the president on vacation? Oil of Olay, away!!!

From the diary "they" did not steal, only a VONS bannna nut muffin went missing, whatever that means to spies:

09.23.10
9:42 a.m.
The MILDLY RETARDED BINGO LADY is here for "Wheel of Fortune," ALAN is talking about BARNES & NOBLE, a STEPHEN KING novel named Cell is on the puzzle table that serves as my desk, I spilled my first cup of instant coffee in the microwave, cleaned-out the damn thing throroughly, BEN reported KEN is spying on him in the Computer Lab, the VEGAS DRIFTER is trying to be sociable and talking loud about nothing when he is supposedly deaf, "they" left a few copies of Investor's Business Daily that I snatched, I intend to look at the blogs of crazy people who are not at risk of being murdered and/or losing trillions, as an old lady just alleged VERIZON is "tapping" her phone, someone yelled "Okay, that was all a lie!" and.....just another day in "T.O." exile.

The Real What I Said

Blah, blah, blah.

"They" just keep on killing. But who are they?

Why wait for a script sale to allege Thousand Oaks, California is a big open-air prison camp? She (A.M.) said the "T-word," I didn't. Yes, USA and rest of the world, now it looks like I am writing three books. One, (don't steal the title) shall be called, America, What Don't You Understand About Homeless? Book two shall be, The Disintegration of American Society (thanks to my evil? technologies), and book three (ready for this, John Dean?): The Political Resurrection of Richard M. Nixon. (Mr./Ms. Literary Agent, tell me you don't want to pay an advance on that, when I am the grandson of a perfectly normal guy who sent in the Watergate Plumbers, then told the security guard to look for tape on the Democrats' door).

May I please tie together Taylorism and Saul Alinsky? Has my secret buddy Charles Murray been hanging out at the ACORN office lately? Don't know about that, but I do see a big dichotomy, whereby some are goose-stepping, and other intellectuals seem to be subject to the pejorative mental health term, "loose associations." I am very open-minded, so you should have seen Soldier Boy sprint into the "New Age" store that wisely did not have a cash register hooked-up to a central, hackable computer. "What book is he buying?" Not many, boot camp moron, nor was I there for a RON RAYGUNS psychic reading or astrological chart.

FACT: I bought incense and left, with the fragrance used to combat both my cigar smoke and stinky neighbor spies who came in the "911" abode every time I was out of the building for more than a quick trip to my oh so vandalized cars. Look out at the courthouse! No bombs, just questions, like why half of California drives around with not enough hubcaps, but I was practically arrested for taking all of mine off. (One was stolen, one fell off and was dented, so all were "86'ed," as we used to say at the IHOP). Where is my NISSAN? The engine block is a court exhibit, and now I know how "they" did it. Where is the FORD FOCUS with the onboard computer that is also a future court exhibit? Lock-up the brakes by disabling the ABS remotely? Easy, spies and provocateurs, and "they" might do it to you! On U.S. 101? I-5? Only Hughes gets out of those kind of jams, and the long overpass skid in D.C., facilitated by fireman hosing down the bridge so it would freeze, will be a tale told on the stump, because this boy can drive, when he has a car, that is.

Speaking of the car, Mafia Lawyers, I'm reasonably sure FIFTH THIRD BANK doesn't exist, except as a marijuana "joint" project among solders & spies, so what is the status of the Focus, should policeman get off his ass and recover it? Oh my! This is a job for ASHCROFT/GONZALES/MUKASEY "Gulfstream Jet Chasing Lawyers," is it not? Where is my Gulfsteam? I would not be surprised if Paris & Nicki Hilton "borrowed" it to be summarily kicked-out of Japan. Safest plane in the air, that old penis, with all of the avionics computer-jackin' in progress. Could "we" eventually paint it a color besides Olive Green? Thanks.

Nice to know so many are miserable out here on the West Coast. Want to elect me governor as a write-in? I'd balance the budget in one year and run for president. No? Try me, you'll like me, to paraphrase an old St. Louis appliance dealer. Without further delay, here are some Thousand Oaks/Westlake Village themes, and if you think I err in calling them "thieves," today's losses are as follows: One Ralph's Carrot Whoopie Cake, and one VON'S Banana Nut Muffin.

• "I'm being followed." Chances are you are not "paranoid," and it is true.
• "I'm being kicked out of my 'crash pad' or rented room." No lease? Bye, bye, and don't forget to, "Call the cops, Call the cops" to add a dash of drama.
• "My landlady is on meth" (leading to the eviction, as described above). Hughes does not know your landlady, nor does he carry a drug testing kit. I got in enough Kung Fu fighting situations at CHESTNUT HEALTH SYSTEMS over having the clients blow in a breathalyzer tube. "They" must know me, because I'd look at the young thing I was working with, and we'd say, "Drunk," "Stoned," "Crack,"...whatever.
• "My Dog/Cat/Rat has been killed." This happens too often, but I am not an investigator for PETA, I am trying to make a movie, and/or run for president. PETA, I suppose, is like the CHP and Concord, NH Police, in that they have "Other things to do."
• "My landlord/landlady is reading my mail." They probably are, and my wisdom is to be glad it is not USPS, that Nixonian spy outfit doing it. The mailman goes under Homeland, if I ever get there, and Homeland is The "Department of Internal Security." Don't tell me I can't rearrange .gov on the back of a Carl's Jr. placemat, because I already did.
• "I am being asked a lot of questions." This, my friends, is a sure sign you are being spied upon. Is it the landlady again? May I get elected and put her in jail? Is it the policeman? He's allowed to ask, unless his cop car came from a studio lot. Where are you headed? We're goin' to Newbury! (With one headlight & pink tail lights? Oye! May I go home now?)
• "I have no job." Well get one, you stupid, overly tattooed anarchist! Don't mind my dirty duds, or dare accuse me of being lazy/crazy; I'm blacklisted by the United States Government. And, by the way, HollyScummyWood, where is my "ability check?" Disability? Are you nuts? I'm not. May I run for president now? Not yet?
• "My boyfriend beat me up, and/or wants to kill me." Have you heard of an "Order of Protection?" Oh, you have one, but the genius policeman takes your creep to the hospital, instead of jailhouse? Interesting. Then, the nurse who can't put an IV needle in straight "kicks" him, as we say in the medical biz. Very convenient, but not for the battered woman.
• "I have an Order of Protection, my creep is out of the hospital/jail, but the Police/Sheriff in a cop car won't do anything." Maybe the Sheriff ought to be in jail, but I need some money to be a crusading politician and put him there.
• "I went to the hospital, and they messed me up." Let's don't name names, until I can get a class action suit going. In the meantime, could you please put an IV in right? I'm tired of looking at the badly bruised citizenry.
• "I took a swig of that water, and found out it has crap in it." Hey buddy, could you spare a ounce of recycled s--- water? Uh huh. It was only later I found out on one of those death marches from Newbury to Westlake, when I took a drink of that water--you know where, half-human spies--it was not potable H2O. Amused? I'm not. Do I own the other shopping center? Let's go to court! Oh, and be sure to bring enough water, because when Mafia Navy helicopters go over low, they do not drop any, like in a movie. They'd like me to drop dead, but wait a minute. What are all of those boats doing tied-up in Hawaii? I can see the future, with the U.S. Navy "Black Magic" labs closed, and those poor sailors no longer able to smoke a cig next to an underwater nuclear reactor. One-word solution: DRYDOCK. Want a short sentence? Navy budget cut in half. Did a future me just executive order women out of the armed forces?

Look out, here comes the feminist lynch mob!

What Did You Say? Part II

Dead girl in Iraq? Why does she look like.....never mind. As Todd sang in 1989, "What is real, and what is not real? "Flyin' saucers! Flyin' triangles! What does that mean? DARPA Budget = 0. Goose egg, like the Spruce Goose. What did I start saying in, oh, about late 2004 when George W. Bush visited Green Bay, WI? "Watch where they go, don't listen to what they say." Massachusetts? Ten day vacation? And I found out via a discarded Investor's Business Daily?May I send an e-mail today? may I be permitted to facsimile tomorrow? May I borrow a buck until Tuesday?--screw the cheeseburger, as spies have gotten enough mileage out of that stupid metaphor. Why is Obama in Massachusetts? Please, don't ask, and I won't tell.

Cough, cough, cough, "KOVAL." Cough, cough, cough, "KAUFMAN." What's on the agenda, as Hughes gets limited as a "spammer" on msn.com, google.com keeps adding contraptions & stipulations, but still puts up the boggy-woggy, and could you pile up chairs in front of the door one more time, so I can really call the Fire Marshal? Oh, Arnold put him out on layoff? HUGHES FOR GOVERNOR AS A WRITE-IN!!!!! Got referenda? Got write-in, right?

I registered with the Sacramento Bee, and I'm asking their reporters what happened to GARY WEBB. Rude? You bet! What was he doing next to me on Connecticuit Avenue in our nation's capital, very much not dead? He shot himself TWICE with his daddy's old revolver style .38 cop gun? I don't know guns, but I know you can't do that! Did the CA Medical Examiner take any beyond the paygrade "vacations" after that one?

Settle down William, and tell them your favorite movies, because given all of my possessions were subjected to a Mafia "disappearing act" (and reappearing soon, right boys?), it has become apparent to me that spies want to know things. Know I'm taking hostages if I leave California without a movie deal, and I'd be glad to discuss my plans with the coppers. (Sheriff, may I borrow your shotgun? Thanks.)

NETWORK
NASHVILLE
FAIL SAFE
IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE
ALIEN

Let's do the cheap-o CIA Psychologist bit, shall we? Obviosly, Hughes likes "Network" because he thinks it is about him, given the crazy character is named "Howard." No, I contend the movie is a 10th birthday present for a spy who is just like the FAYE DUNAWAY character. Don't mess with her, boys! On "Nashville," he's trying to be cool & Hollywood hip. We all admire the late ROBERT ALTMAN. Aw, get a life! "Fail Safe" surely indicates he wants to take over the world. Initiate appropriate executive action. How often do I have to tell you we Catholics are correct. There is a hell, and Satan is waiting! The admiration for "It's a Wonderful Life" is clearly a trick. He's such a skilled sociopath, that's merely cover for his plans to overthrow our wise and just leader, BARACK OBAMA. May I go out on the patio and curse now? Oh, I'll wait until there are no more hypnotized Stepford automatons out there. "Alien." Dear God, this is a matter of the highest National Security concern. If Hughes is in contact with E.T.'s, he could disable all of our high-priced .mil toys, as in his screenplay "The Rainbow Rebellion." This man is the Unibomber times ten, but we can't touch him, because he does that Dudley Do Right act. So frustrating! No, you moron, it is "frustrating" to not be writing a film journal piece on how Alien changed our view of sci-fi, space travel, women, and Holy Toledo, wasn't it a scary critter in that movie! Is Weaver single? No?

What Did You Say? Thieves!

Hello? Director's Guild? Hello? Damn, cut off. Let's try the WGA. Hello? Hey, you morons stole my scripts! Yes you did! Are you trying to make like fat, dumb, momma's gonna buy me a new (old) old car Thousand Oaks spying nutcase "Richard," who said, "Aw, you should give one away for free." Did I really nickname him, "The Navy Bolshevik?" Yes, your Honor, I did.

So nice to be permitted to urinate indoors! I think I'll go to the library, and watch for agents of foreign powers.

Why do I crack jokes based on my own screenplay characters' lines? Perhaps that is because everyone in Hollywood has mysteriously already read them. What did he say? "I have nine fine screenplays for sale." What's that line refer to, spies? Quick, WGA theives! Which one is that? It is Ask Not, right after the franchise-worthy spygirl hero--or is that heroine?--gets strangled to death. Did you say "CORD" AVENUE? Don't leave me any more Navy Blue cord, please, or I might get arrested by the new Thought Crime Police.

Back to the script that is not even close to being a movie, because the budget is too big for a "beginner" to be entrusted with, the line I'm stealing from myself is uttered in front of a big plywood facade of Busch Stadium (uh, the round one, opened in 1966) by an Orthodox Jew bad guy who seemingly gets away with everything. Yep, after the ambulance pulls away with our not dead, it's only a movie girl (because we all like sequel m-o-n-e-y), the Jew says, to some World Series latecomers/hangers-on, as he flashes some fancy tickets, "I have some fine seats for sale." I think that's the line...some soldier boy broke my computer, but I found my Final Draft registation number...ah ha!

You see, the Jew wants to get out of there before the cops blow up and the jets.....wait a minute! May I sell my intellectual property? Why is this so hard to do in the sleepy, filled with (unreported) crime, I'm told outright I'm gonna get murdered daily (now, c'mon lawman, in front of witnesses), not terribly friendly bedroom community of Thousand Oaks, California? The woman who likes me, but won't even be my "friend," said it, not me, regarding the community pastime---TORTURE.

What was that Mr. President? Your kind of "liberalism" has turned me Republican, so maybe that object in the sky Monday night was from outer space, because on ZOLTAR 7, they are wondering, "How did Hughes turn into a Republican?" Don't you know Howard? He hated paying taxes. Especially on HUGHES AIRCRAFT COMPANY. Look it up, Ding-Dong!

More later, when I am in a better mood...like from a screenplay sale.