Hello? Director's Guild? Hello? Damn, cut off. Let's try the WGA. Hello? Hey, you morons stole my scripts! Yes you did! Are you trying to make like fat, dumb, momma's gonna buy me a new (old) old car Thousand Oaks spying nutcase "Richard," who said, "Aw, you should give one away for free." Did I really nickname him, "The Navy Bolshevik?" Yes, your Honor, I did.
So nice to be permitted to urinate indoors! I think I'll go to the library, and watch for agents of foreign powers.
Why do I crack jokes based on my own screenplay characters' lines? Perhaps that is because everyone in Hollywood has mysteriously already read them. What did he say? "I have nine fine screenplays for sale." What's that line refer to, spies? Quick, WGA theives! Which one is that? It is Ask Not, right after the franchise-worthy spygirl hero--or is that heroine?--gets strangled to death. Did you say "CORD" AVENUE? Don't leave me any more Navy Blue cord, please, or I might get arrested by the new Thought Crime Police.
Back to the script that is not even close to being a movie, because the budget is too big for a "beginner" to be entrusted with, the line I'm stealing from myself is uttered in front of a big plywood facade of Busch Stadium (uh, the round one, opened in 1966) by an Orthodox Jew bad guy who seemingly gets away with everything. Yep, after the ambulance pulls away with our not dead, it's only a movie girl (because we all like sequel m-o-n-e-y), the Jew says, to some World Series latecomers/hangers-on, as he flashes some fancy tickets, "I have some fine seats for sale." I think that's the line...some soldier boy broke my computer, but I found my Final Draft registation number...ah ha!
You see, the Jew wants to get out of there before the cops blow up and the jets.....wait a minute! May I sell my intellectual property? Why is this so hard to do in the sleepy, filled with (unreported) crime, I'm told outright I'm gonna get murdered daily (now, c'mon lawman, in front of witnesses), not terribly friendly bedroom community of Thousand Oaks, California? The woman who likes me, but won't even be my "friend," said it, not me, regarding the community pastime---TORTURE.
What was that Mr. President? Your kind of "liberalism" has turned me Republican, so maybe that object in the sky Monday night was from outer space, because on ZOLTAR 7, they are wondering, "How did Hughes turn into a Republican?" Don't you know Howard? He hated paying taxes. Especially on HUGHES AIRCRAFT COMPANY. Look it up, Ding-Dong!
More later, when I am in a better mood...like from a screenplay sale.