One More (College) Try

Is Thousand Oaks, California real? Where else in the world would it be supposedly "normal" to routinely sneak up behind people, run down homeless people with your mighty German-made Poop de Ville, abduct folks out of the not-so-safe grocery store, hunt & kill Mexican immigrants for "fun," but a damn good-looking lesbian was sufficiently vile so as to stick her perfect tush in my face, the ugly dyke version "partner" emerged from a STARBUCKS one-at-a-time rest room, and upon departure muttered, "Tell us something we don't already know." Been doin' a little spyin', perhaps? A lot of spying? Is this legal, Arnold? Let's see.....they can marry. They can smoke that wowie-zowie pot, and the Shire Reeve will assist with meth commerce. Did you hurl the kookiest "T.O." epithet of all? Yes, you massively delusional CA nutcases did. I'm an E.T.? YOU are nuts. Maybe it was worth the pain to be told by multiple sources "in the business" a young S. Spielberg stole that script.

CLEAR THE STREETS! REMAIN IN YOUR SCRUBBY-BUBBLE HOMES! TIME TO PAINTBALL HUGHES AGAIN! "Aw, f--- you. At least I found some female bodyguards, if they want the job."

How many times does someone have to say, "Gee, you really do know that stuff." The stuff is called psychotherapy, group and individual. May I hang out a shingle, instead of function as the brunt of a new Westlake craze. It's kind of like Tai Chi, but not. What it involves is, jumping up and down while chanting, "Hughes is crazy, Hughes is crazy, Hughes is crazy." Whatever makes you feel good seems to be the Cali-fornia Credo, so go ahead. I'm trying to get together some money for a few good movies. Got any? Do I have to publish my first five screenplays in a book titled, Hollywood Cried Poor, by William C. Hughes? It's running out of your ears, boys & girls, that brown substance.

How did I get these new LOG LINES? I promised them to some California Youth Authority-Division of Juvenile Justice boys I like. Do you mind? F--- you, you big Mafia ass! Do you have the "Vision Thing?" At the Nevada border; at the Arizona border; at the Oregon border, and yes, on the Mexican border, I shall show the Bush clan I can learn some Spanish, too, to wit:

"No vaya en el norte. Son tondo loco! Construire una refineria de petroleo, entonces tendra trabajos buenos. Le advierto. No vaya! Le asesinaran alli arriba."

The Homeland border people will love my ass. No traffic that day, and Letterman can again accuse me of, "Campaigning in the wrong country." What's burning down in Ottawa? Never mind. Without further accusations, given the teens go to the moving picture show, here are the new, geared to 13 & 14 year-old minds, Hughes log lines.

THE RAINBOW REBELLION
Spy guys & one girl stop a nuclear attack.

TURBULENCE
A romantic comedy where the female marries the "Nice Guy" (as usual, in movies).

IMMACULATE
The Virgin Mary returns as a homeless Hispanic girl.

WALKING THE CAT
A female security guard who protects big drug dealers gets help from her straight boyfriend to turn them in and run off with their cash.

FOOLED AGAIN
Wild & crazy guys from the 1970's grow up, become successful, and find not much has changed.

ASK NOT
Terrorists threaten the World Series and get caught.

II
A U.S. city is nuked, triggering a Civil War that can only be explained by going back in time to catch the bad guys.

SIX(6) SOUTH
A U.S. Senator is betrayed by his spy wife on the way to being elected president.

EIGHT(8) NORTH
Wouldn't you spy shits like to know! Let's play Hollywood, kids, and SHOW ME SOME MONEY!!!!!