def leopard spots

Hey Bill, as with that "fresh" rap star 'lil Barack, too late for the "5 Wave."





"Clinton endorsed Brown on Tuesday, after Brown apologized for referencing the Monica Lewinski scandal and saying Clinton did not always tell the truth."

--SacBee.com, 09.17.10

Clinton? Big liar! Oh, I'm "weird?" Let's go to the HUGHES EXPERIMENTAL IMPROV THEATRE, shall we?

A mighty SOLDIER approaches.

SOLDIER

Got a cig?

MR. BEERS, a homeless man with a tiny black packpack, watches cold rain fall.

MR. BEERS

Why doesn't my GOOGLE blog go up sometimes?

SOLDIER

Got a light?

MR. BEERS

No, get outta my face.

The mighty soldier marches away.

MR. BEERS

(to himself)

They will kill my ass for sure, and I don't know why.

A second MIGHTY SOLDIER approaches.

SECOND SOLDIER

Where's the church dinner?

MR. BEERS

I don't fucking care! And I don't go there! She was the mole, wasn't she? That's it, butthead! She was the mole they were looking for.

The second mighty soldier shakes his head "No," and marches away.

MR. BEERS

(to himself)

That's not it? What is it?

FADE TO:

INT. AIRBUS FLIGHT DECK

A strange-looking guy with long gray hair is flying the plane.

MR. HUGHES

(to cabin intercom)

I'm so glad you flew to Las Vegas on H-MAN GAMING EXCURSIONS. We're on final approach now, and by gosh, engine number four just stopped.Buckle those seat belts if you haven't already and...oh my gosh, number two just conked as well. Did you know grandpa Howard used to do stuff like this to scare people? Don't worry, there's no prob...my, my, even I don't want to find out if this airplane will fly on one engine! Ooops! The dive we are in is perfectly normal. Hey! Don't knock on the flight deck door! There's a federal law against that. Don't you remember that nine-eleven stuff? Hey! Stop barfing back there! Did you drink too much complimentary wine? Here comes L-Two Niner.....hold on, because did I mention only two of four engines are working, and not to worry you further, but numer three is at, oh, let's just say it is not working right either.

SOUND: A loud WHUMP.

MR. HUGHES (cont'd)

Don't you like only the right wheels down? Look out the right windows right away! It's called a "wing strike." See all of the sparks!? Good thing we're almost out of fuel. It's highly flammable, don't you know? Ah, that's better. The left wheels are down oh so smoothly. Hey! We seem to be out of runway! Hold on tight! Golly, I hope these brakes work! Yeeha! Here comes the fence!

SILENCE

MR. HUGHES (con't)

Whew! The chutes have deployed for your convenience. Shuttle buses will now take you to lose your shirt at the casino of your choice, because you've surely already lost your house under that dumbass Negro president.